Các bạn vui lòng sửa giúp mình bài writing task 2. Cảm ơn rất nhiều
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Should students attend in full-time education until the age of 18 years old. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

When the society develops, there are many way for study but I think the best education method for students who are younger than 18 years old is full- time.

It is the truth that students under 18 years old are not mature enough to be self-taught. The awareness of importance of education is not formed absolutely in children. They might not realize the connection between studying and career they will do in future. They can not build completely their orientations and what they want to become. Everything about future seems to be not clear and difficult to imagine in their mind. Therefore they can not study by themselve out the time of school is certain.

Furthermore, children do not have enough skills and knowledge to find and determine useful information rightly. Because of the too young age, children have not been equiped yet tools for learning at home so they need acquisition about skill and basic knowledge from teachers, friends through school activities. In addition to, in this period, studying at home must be control by their parents but this is very difficult because their parent have to go out for work.

Especially, children do not know how to manage their time. when being at home, they do not know to arrange their studying. They might spend a lot of time on playing any games, watching TV or sitting front of computers for entertainments instead of reading useful books or doing exercises. By doing this, some bad habits may be formed and in the end, parents can not control their children’s studying.

In conclusion, it is essential that children under 18 years old should take part in full-time education to develop completely. They need be in careful preparation for studying at university which is the independent period of both studying and work.

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Ý kiến cá nhân của mình:

1. Especially chỉ dùng ở giữa câu, sau dấu phải, bạn có thể dùng particularly or specifically instead.

2. Ways to

3. It is the truth nên thay bằng it is clear, or it can be argued, cái bạn mentioned không phải là truth, nó là ý kiến của bạn.

4. Simple structures.

...

Mình nghĩ bạn nên đi học 1 khoá học writing ở trung tâm, hic, bạn đang viết theo kiểu tiếng việt quá, mình đọc thấy hơi thiếu logic

Sincerely
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Cảm ơn những góp ý của bạn
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Opinion của mình..hi

 

Thanks to the advancement of technology, there are many ways of studying nowadays. Students are among many educational options depending on many factors such as age. To my view, the best educational method / learning method for students who are younger than 18 years old is full- time.

It is common that students under 18 years old are not mature enough to be aware of the value of education. They might not realize the connection between education and their future career. They can not build clearly their orientations in their mind. therefore, they are likely to show less responsible for their study . While part-time education requires proactive studying attitudes, full- time one gives  their students clearer study guidance and support.

Furthermore, children do not have enough skills and knowledge to search and determine useful information. Because of too young age, children have not been equiped tools for learning at home so they need acquisition about skill and basic knowledge from friends and teachers through school activities. In addition to, in this stage, studying at home must be controlled by their parents that might  be a problem for working parents.

Last but not least, children lack of time management and study skills at home . They might spend a lot of time on playing many kinđ of games, watching TV or sitting front of computers for entertainments instead of reading useful books or doing exercises. By doing this, some bad habits may be formed afterward, parents can not control their children’s studying totally.

In conclusion, it is essential that children under 18 years old should take part in full-time education to develop completely. They need careful preparation for their future study at university which is the independent period of both studying and work. ( câu này mình k hiểu ý lắm ..hi )

 

http://chuawritingmienphi.com/5133/cac-ban-vui-long-sua-giup-minh-bai-writing-task-2-cam-on-rat-nhieu

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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3 Comments

Cảm ơn bạn đã sữa bài giúp mình. Nhìn chung, bạn thấy mình viết như vậy được không? Về ý tưởng, cách viết có thiếu logic lắm không bạn?
Nói chung, ý của bạn hay. Bạn có ý tưởng khi viết là một lợi thế. Nhưng cách trình bày của bạn chưa được rõ ràng lắm.. Có mấy câu bị off topic. Theo mình học, thì tốt nhất trong một paragraph, mình nên mở đầu bằng 1 ý chính nhất, các câu còn lại sẽ support cho ý đó. Bạn cứ luyện tập nhiều thì sẽ tốt hơn. ..Mình cũng đang luyện nhưng có điều không được siêng năng cho lắm..hihi.
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