task 2 ( 21/4) mọi người cho ý kiến với chấm hộ em bài này với ạ ?

Question

Nowadays, more and more older people who need employment complete with the younger people for the same job. What problems this causes? What are solutions?

Today, due to the increase of the numer of elder workers, the challenge between the older employees and the youngster in the work environment become more and more serious. In this essay, the difficulties of this problem and the methods to solve will be presented.

It is obvious that there are abundant causes to anwer for this phenomenon. Firstly, older workers extremely experience in their field. In the other way, it means that the skilled people easily tackle most of the difficult situations in their company without supporting. While, the younger employees do not have enough real knowledge and background to deal with the trouble in their workplace. The young essentially is helped by their seniors, so in some case, it may waste time to resolve the young’s task.Besides, if the experienced people expect to change their career, it do not take a long time for them to make the accquaintaince of their new position.  Moreover, the experienced workers achieve numerous goals for their company; hence the more years they work for the company, the more difficult for the younger candidates to replace the older.

There are sereval measures to reduce this problem. First of all, the goverments necessarily make appropriately educational programs for students to support them easily work after graduating. Furthermore, it is effective to have a new policy to stipulate about the conditions to retire, such as: the age (reduce to 60 years old), the working abilites…. Finally, the young candicates have to improve by themselves some essential skills and abilities such as: Computer skill, confidence ….

In conclution, in the job market, the competion between the old and the young grow up fastly; therefore, both the authorities and the young workers have to make some positive solutions to tackle effectively.

Answer 1

the work environment ------- the employment market : thị trường lao động

become-------------becomes (subject là challenge)

to solve---------------solve it (giải quyết cái gì chứ, nó là ngoại động từ mà bạn)

older workers extremely experience in their field----------------- họ trải qua cái gì chứ (experience là ngoại đt mà--------or bạn can make like this "elder workers possess multiple precious experiences in their field" 

the younger employees -------------mình nghĩ nên bỏ the đi

 real knowledge and background to deal with the trouble in their workplace------ knowledge in relation to reality and fundamental foundation.... (kiến thức thực tiễn và nền tảng cơ bản)

The young essentially is helped by their seniors, so in some case, it may waste time to resolve the young’s task-----------essentially incompatiable cho câu này vì nó đặt vào mà ta không hiểu gì cả ----youngsters need to be helped by their seniors...some cases

it do not take a long time for them to make the accquaintaince of their new position---câu này cho bạn tự thấy cái sai basic grammar

Tuyệt đối ko use dấu ..... trong bài viết nhé, cấm tuyết đối

đừng dùng fastly-----nhiều từ để diễn tả mà significantly, tremendously, rapidly...

 

Conclude, your essay attains in some good points, but must be double-check grammar and use more academic words in next ones, keep up with! try your best.......

Comments

cám ơn bài chữa của bạn, công nhận là grammar của mình sai nhiều thật, lúc check ko nhận ra