Sửa giùm em bài này,đây là lần đầu em viết, cảm ơn anh chị nhiều

Question

Write an essay talking  about your friends.

    I am very lucky when i have a friends.This is Nam,who is close friends.Nam gave me unforgettable memories.

    Nam and i learned in high school together.She is very lovely and beutiful.Nam is big back-eyes and black hairs.She enjoy reading book and playing sport,especially is swimming.At the moment,she is learning in Ho Chi Minh city.Her major is information technology.

    Moreover,she works very hard.She always looking for part-time that earn money helps my family.Nam gets up at six o'clock everyday.Then,she goes to school and goes to work after school.Her work is salesclerk in clothes shope.And she comes home by bus at ten o'clock.

    She is very friendly.Despite of her work is very busy,but she always smile as she talks everybody.She also joins activity at school and in city.Besides,she oftens chats and share in the information about works,studies with everyone.

    Especial,Nam is clever person.She can talk many languages such as English,French,Greek...without go to any center foreign language.Nam had ever many scholastic achievements and social work.She intend that she will learn Msc after graduate.

    I am very admire her.I think that i should learn her very much.I am very happy because i have a friends like her.

Answer 1

    I am very lucky when i have a friends.( bỏ s)This is Nam,who is close friends.Nam gave (gives) me unforgettable memories.

    Nam and i learned in high school together.She is very lovely and beutiful.Nam is(has) big back-eyes and black hairs( bỏ s).She enjoys reading books and playing (plays) sports,especially is swimming.At the moment,she is learning in Ho Chi Minh city.Her major is information technology.

    Moreover,she works very hard.She always looking (looks) for part-time that earn money helps my family.Nam gets up at six o'clock everyday.Then,she goes to school and goes to work after school.Her work is salesclerk in clothes shope.And she comes home by bus at ten o'clock.

    She is very ( không nên dùng nhé)  friendly.Despite of her work is very busy,but ( linking work chỉ cần 1 trong 2 thôi ) she always smiles ( lỗi ngữ pháp) as she talks everybody.She also joins activity at school and in city.Besides,she oftens chats and shares in the information about works,studies with everyone.

    Especial,Nam is clever person.She can talk many languages such as English,French,Greek...without go going to any center foreign language.Nam had (have had- HTHT) ever many scholastic achievements and social work.She intends that she will learn Msc after graduate.( graduating)

    I am very admire her (lỗi ngữ pháp).I think that i should learn her very much (??????).I am very happy because i have a friends like her.

- lỗi ngữ pháp của bạn còn nhiều quá

- ý sắp xếp còn lôn xộn, không logic.

Comments

cản ơn đã sữa giùm em bài này .Cho em hỏi em không đủ điểm để post bài rồi em phải làm sao

Answer 2

I am very lucky when i have a friends( bỏ s nhé bạn, vì a thì không thể có s).This is Nam,who is close friends(bỏ s).Nam gave (gives, hiện tại we had unforgettable memories together) me unforgettable memories.

    Nam and i(we thì hay hơn) learned in high school together.She is very lovely and beutiful.Nam is (has) big back-eyes and black hairs (bỏ s vì co ấy chỉ có một mái tóc).She enjoys reading books and playing sports,especially is swimming.At the moment,she is learning in Ho Chi Minh city.Her major is information technology.

    Moreover,she works very hard.She always looking(looks) for part-time jobs that earn money helps my family( on the internet to have income to help my family.Nam gets up at six o'clock everyday.Then,she goes to school and goes to work after school(finish her study at school).Her work is salesclerk in clothes shope.And she comes back home by bus at ten o'clock.

    She is very(bỏ nha) friendly.Despite of (hok có of)(dùng although nha vì phía sau là mệnh đề) her work is very busy,but(không được dùng but vì dung although) she always smiles as she talks to everybody.She also joins activity (activities)at school and in city.Besides,she oftens chats and shares in the information about works,studies with everyone.

    Especial (especially),Nam is clever person/intelligent.She can talk many languages such as English,French,Greek...without going to any center foreign language.Nam had has had ever many scholastic achievements and social work.She intends (that she will) to learn Msc after graduate.

    I am very admire her.I think that i should learn her very  so much.I am very happy because i have a friends like her.

Comments

em cảm ơn đã sữa giùm em bài này.Cho em hỏi em không đủ điểm post bài giờ em phải làm sao.

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em có thể đọc bài rồi góp ý cho mng nữa :)

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dạ em cảm ơn,nhưng em viết còn chưa xong,lỡ góp ý sai rồi sao.