Facebook dominates the free time for too many people, especially the students. It can have negative effects on their study and the physical development. Do you agree or disagree?
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With the worldwide coverage of Internet, never before has human witnessed the stunning development of social networks than at the present day. Facebook, an outstanding element of this trend, has entered the vast majority of life spheres, ranging from education to the spare time of young students. Some specialists are concerned that the common usage of Facebook can affect the effectiveness of students’ educational attainments and the natural progress of physical body. In contrast, a number of people believe that Facebook is an efficient method to encourage the self-promotion of each individual along with widen the social acquaintances; therefore, help educate students positively. To my own belief, Facebook indicates both unreputed benefits and enormous risks to its young users.

 

To begin with, it is true that constant exposure to technological devices to update Facebook has a perilous effect on the physical progress of students. The radiation emitting from these electric means can cause the deterioration of concentration ability and contribute to numerous eye-related disorders like myopic, which substantially decrease the achievements of students at school. Moreover, teenagers usually show the high demands to receive the latest information. Due to the convenience and up-to-date nature of Facebook, young users can easily become addicted to this site. This leads to the reduction of interest in studying and outdoor activities, both of which are believed to ensure for the natural development of an ordinary student.

 

Besides the negative impacts of Facebook on the daily life of students, it also brings a variety of benefits to the betterment of teenagers. It is widely known that Facebook, with 8 millions users logging in everyday, has been considered as a major investment direction to many international corporations. This can provide young individuals a cheap way to promote themselves to these companies; therefore, gradually enrich their experience in various working sections and offer them a great deal of potential opportunities for future career simultaneously. In the mean time, when the need to connect and communicate worldwide is getting higher, Facebook stimulates the broadening of social acquaintances to different parts of the world. This application not only benefits each young users in widening their own knowledge but also contributes enormously to the process of globalization, especially in the cultural aspects.

 

In conclusion, Facebook brings human both negative and positive effects. To utilise the finest applications of this online social network, each users, especially young users, should reduce their overdependence on Facebook and regard it as an effective mean to communicate and entertain.
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3 Answers

4 votes
4 votes

Chào bạn. Nội dung bài ổn. Trong bài agree vs. disagree, tốt nhất là bạn nên chọn 1 phe để bài thêm tính thuyết phục. Cấu trúc bài nên nhắc đến cả 2 mặt của vấn đề nhưng đoạn văn dùng để chứng minh phe của bạn thì cần tập trung viết dài hơn để bài có chiều sâu. Có vài chỗ hành văn mình sửa một chút :)

With the worldwide growth of the Internet, never before have human beings witnessed the quick development of social networks. Facebook, an outstanding element of this trend, has become an irreplaceable part of modern society, influencing the way young people approach education and spending their free time. Some specialists are concerned that Facebook might negatively affect students' performance and well-beings. Others believe that Facebook provides individuals with opportunities to widen their social circle. In my opinion, this online platform possesses both benefits and risks to its young users.

It is true that constant exposure to technological device to update Facebook has a perilous effect on students' health. Radiation emitted from phones and computers might deteriorate their concentration span and contribute to eye problems such as myopic, which decreases achievements of students at school. Moreover, teenagers constantly seek to receive the latest information. Facebook's unique feature that satisfies this need could cause addiction among young users. Consequently, it leads to the reduction of interest in studying and participating in outdoor activities. 

Despite its negative impacts on the daily life of students, Facebook gives modern teenagers more possibilities to network than ever before. Knowing that over 8 million users log in Facebook everyday, major corporations KPMG, Deloitte and EY use it to reach out to prospective employees. Aspiring individuals can also promote themselves to these companies. therefore, gradually enrich their experience in various working sections and offer them a great deal of potential opportunities for future career simultaneously (câu này ngữ pháp bị sai). Moreover, as people need fast communication, Facebook enables its users to broaden their connection with people from different parts of the world. This application not only benefits each user individually but also contributes to the cultural aspects of globalisation.

In conclusion, Facebook impacts modern society in different ways. To maximise this social network's positive influence and minimise its negative consequence, young users should reduce their dependence on Facebook and regard it as an effective mean to build a network and educate themselves.

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90 points
1 vote
1 vote

Hi bạn,

thứ nhất, bài viết của bạn quá dài, chỉ cần khoảng 250 - 270 từ là ổn, chứ nếu dài hơn tôi sợ bạn không đủ thời gian

thứ hai, theo tôi hiểu, thì đối với bài Do you agree or disagree, bạn phải chọn theo một phe rồi sau đó đưa ra khoảng 2 đến 3 lý do bạn chọn.  Với cách viết của bạn, là nêu ra advantages va disadvantages là không ổn. Trong tiêu chí chấm writing thì có một phần Task response. Bạn có thể tham khảo thêm cuốn sách Marvellous Techniques for IELTS writing của Kirk Kenny hoặc vào trang web sau http://www.ieltsbuddy.com/, cũng có đề cập về cách trả lời cho mỗi loại đề bài.

Về các phần khác, tôi chưa dám góp ý

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18 points
2 votes
2 votes

Mk xin đóng góp ý kiến của mk như sau:
- Bạn nên chọn 1 ý kiến agree hoặc disagree để có sức thuyết phục
- Mở bài của bạn không nên đài dòng quá, nên tập trung cho 2 đoạn thân bài vì thân bài là phần ghi điểm qtrong
Mk xin đc phép sửa một vài chỗ của bạn
-The radiation emitting from these electric - emitted

-This can provide young individuals a cheap way to promote themselves to these - provide sb with st

- a great deal of potential opportunities - a great deal of + danh từ ko đếm đc

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24 points

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