Some people think that in the future, because of the quickly uncontrollable development in some areas, it is more challenging for human to live. However, I totally disagree with those ( ko rõ ràng) who support that more money should be spent on researching other planet(s) to live, such as Mars according to several reasons ( ko rõ ý bạn muốn ám chỉ lí do nào, bạn có viết trong bài hay ko )??? thêm 1 câu ở cuối bài sẽ rõ hơn ==> that i will show in this essay.
--> ở đoạn đầu dùng some,every, many .... là những từ ko nên viết ở đầu câu mở bài vì nó ko xác định rõ số lượng, nơi nào... tốt nhất là bạn nên sửa lại thành It is said/supposed/believed that ( viết theo dạng passive) sẽ tạo ra thiện cảm cho examiner hơn
Firstly, It is undeniable that althought ( Although) ( bạn k nên dùng although ngay sau that) there are some troubles such as overpopulation, pollution and crime… However, the Earth is still an ideal place for human to stay live and work. In fact,in the Earth, people have enough many resources for living conditions such as water, weather, air... to remain the life lives which the scientists cannot explore in other planets.For example, the average temperature in the Earth is around 15C, while the temperature in Mars is often below – 55C, so people cannot servive survive in the Mars. Besidse (Besides), all the Governments and international organizations currently try their best to overcome the Earth’s problems like such as: dominating (???) ( ý bạn là donate ?) money for developing countries to tackle the enviroment and crime difficulties (bạn có thể dùng Social evils: tệ nạn xã hội), building some recycling places to reduce emission from factories ( có nhiều loại nhà máy ko thải khí độc, cần nêu rõ một số loại). Therefore, it is logical that in the future, the more difficulties the Earth need to face up to, the more feassible (Feasible) solutions steps can be taken to tackle that people should do countinue living in the Earth. to protect the earth where their live.
Secondly, yet instead of spending money on researching other planets to live, we essentially spend money on improve the living quality ( xem lại đoạn này) in the Earth. As many scientific research shown, living in other planets is impossible but many organizations inverst extremely a large mount of money on researching other planets to live and they cannot receive profit or possive (?) result about ( bạn xem lại cách xài result ) the living in Mars or Jupiter. Hence, investment on improving the living quality in the Earth (lặp từ) is more effective. For instance, meanwhile (chọn 1 trong 2), the price to fly set foot to the Mars is more than 5 billions USD, the price to support planning trees (???) to reduce green house effect is only 1 million. (million ? )
In conclusion, I strongly believe that the more money people can spend (dùng từ này nhiều lần quá) suitably on protecting the Earth, the more better ( the more + better ?) life people easily enjoy fully instead of moving to other planets. ( đoạn này sai ngữ pháp quá nhiều)
Theo quan điểm cá nhân mình bài này khoảng 4.5 -> 5 điểm