t is true that promoting good health is essential for children to make them develop fully. While I accept that school should take responsibility on educating students about their health and well-being I would argue that it is better for children to learn healthy lifestyle from their parents.( câu này thừa , đề đâu có ai hỏi nên học bố mẹ hay không đâu ?) . Nếu muốn thêm câu này , mình gợi ý cho bạn dùng Not only ... But also , giọng văn sẽ liền mạch và điểm GRA sẽ cao hơn
On one hand, I admit that school have more opportunities to teach students a good healthy lifestyle. Normally, students spend most of the time in school rather than utilize their time at home ( Câu này đọc nó hơi hướng spoken language quá ) mình góp ý nhé ." Students routinely utilize the majority of their time in school rather than that at home " . For example, according to a report published by Vietnam Education Ministry in 2014, high school student usually would have attend 8-9 lessons at school a day which is equal to 7-8 hours per day , ( punctuation ) while they solely use 4-5 hours to communicate with their relatives at home. So ( Therefore , Hence , Thus... So không đứng đầu câu, đầy là Spoken Language), if health education are considered as a part of school curriculum, students will have more time to be taught about health and well-being ( hạn chế lặp từ khi viết thi IELTS nhé , bạn có thể thay " taking care of their body carefully ". It leads to ( to what? ) that they are tend to change their bad life-style into the more positive other way easier ( không hiểu ). Also, teachers are usually qualified all skills and knowledge such as: biological knowledge which can guide students’ lifestyle in the most scientific way.
On other hand, I would argue that parents would play a more crucial role in educating children ‘health life style. One obvious reason is that schools cannot control students all their time while parents are tend to follow their children more closely. For instance, in Asia, students have a long summer holiday lasting for 3 months. In this period, students are out of the control of schools, so that if they only eat fast food or watch TV too much at home, merely their parents can separate them form their bad routine. Besides, parents would be a better model for children at home. It is clearly that whatever parents do in the first year of children ( là sao ? ) would educate them what is good for their health and what is not. A clearly example is that parents who order pizza regularly will teach their children that it is normal and pizza is considered a quality meal.
In conclusion, while I accept the importance of school in teaching health and well-being for children, I would believe that parents would take this role more effectively.
TR : 7
CC : 7
LR: 5
GRA : 5
Band Score : 6
(Nếu bạn viết bài này thật sự trong 60 minutes thì score 6 , còn lâu hơn mức đó -1 = 5