Luận Anh thi THPT Quốc Gia, mong mọi người nhiệt tình giúp đỡ mình ^_^

Question

Having a good health is one of the most important thing in our life, so doing exercise is always a prior task in our daily routine. Personally, exercising regularly gives us certain benefits. The following discussions are my reasons. In the first place, one advantage of doing exercise every morning is to reduce stresses. Actually, people who exercises frequently are likely to feel relaxed, healthier and of course happier. Secondly, it is worth pointing out that doing exercise can help you prevent many serious diseases such as broken heart or even cancers. For instance,  exercising not only provide us with energy but also an  optimistic view in life. Finally, not mention to that doing exercise make us feel more confident. Because only by taking part in outdoor activities can you know exactly what you can do. To sump up, doing exercise is the simplest, cheapest way to have a good health as well as a impressive body-building.

Answer 1

 Having a good health is one of the most important thing in our life, so doing exercise is always a prior task in our daily routine. Personally, exercising regularly gives us certain benefits. The following discussions are my reasons. In the first place, one advantage of doing exercise every morning is to reduce stresses. Actually, people who exercises frequently are likely to feel relaxed, healthier and of course happier. Secondly, it is worth pointing out that doing exercise can help you prevent many serious diseases such as broken heart or even cancers. For instance,  exercising not only provide us with energy but also an  optimistic view in life. Finally, not mention to that doing exercise make us feel more confident. Because only by taking part in outdoor activities can you know exactly what you can do. To sump up, doing exercise is the simplest, cheapest way to have a good health as well as a impressive body-building.

 one of the most important thing-->one of the mose important things
The following discussions are my reasons.--->câu này mình nghĩ là thừa vì trước đấy bạn đã viết là "...gives us certain benefits" thì có thể đi luôn vào việc trình bày các lí do được rồi.
To sump up-->To sum up
 a impressive body-building--->an impressive body-building
 For instance,  exercising not only provide us with energy but also an  optimistic view in life.---> câu này mình nghĩ là chưa phù hợp cho việc triển khai luận điểm tập thể dục giúp phòng ngừa bệnh tật.  Theo mình thì bạn có thể chuyển câu này vào ngay sau luận điểm đầu tiên: "In the first place... is to reduce stresses" thì sẽ chặt chẽ hơn. Ngoài ra bạn nên thay "For instance"= "It cannot be denied" hoặc "It goes without saying that. " vì đây không phải là một ví dụ hay trường hợp cụ thể, rõ ràng mà là một lời nhận xét, đánh giá của cá nhân bạn thôi  .

Answer 2

 

 

Answer 3

 Having a good health is one of the most important thing in our life, so doing exercise is always a prior task in our daily routine. Personally, exercising regularly gives us certain benefits. The following discussions are my reasons. In the first place, one advantage of doing exercise every morning is to reduce stresses. Actually, people who exercises frequently are likely to feel relaxed, healthier and of course happier. Secondly, it is worth pointing out that doing exercise can help you prevent many serious diseases such as broken heart or even cancers. For instance,  exercising not only provide us with energy but also an  optimistic view in life. Finally, not mention to that doing exercise make us feel more confident. Because only by taking part in outdoor activities can you know exactly what you can do. To sump up, doing exercise is the simplest, cheapest way to have a good health as well as a impressive body-building.

 one of the most important thing-->one of the mose important things
The following discussions are my reasons.--->câu này mình nghĩ là thừa vì trước đấy bạn đã viết là "...gives us certain benefits" thì có thể đi luôn vào việc trình bày các lí do được rồi.
To sump up-->To sum up
 a impressive body-building--->an impressive body-building
 For instance,  exercising not only provide us with energy but also an  optimistic view in life.---> câu này mình nghĩ là chưa phù hợp cho việc triển khai luận điểm tập thể dục giúp phòng ngừa bệnh tật.  Theo mình thì bạn có thể chuyển câu này vào ngay sau luận điểm đầu tiên: "In the first place... is to reduce stresses" thì sẽ chặt chẽ hơn. Ngoài ra bạn nên thay "For instance"= "It cannot be denied" hoặc "It goes without saying that. " vì đây không phải là một ví dụ hay trường hợp cụ thể, rõ ràng mà là một lời nhận xét, đánh giá của cá nhân bạn thôi  .

Answer 4

Having a good health is one of the most important things in our life, so doing exercise is always a prior task in our daily routine. Personally, (exercising regularly/regular physical activity) gives us certain benefits. The following discussions are my reasons. In the first place, one advantage of doing exercise every morning is to reduce stresses. Actually, people who exercise frequently are likely to feel more relaxed, healthier and of course happier. Secondly, it is worth pointing out that doing exercise can help you prevent many serious diseases illnesses such as broken heartheart/cardiovascular disease or even cancers. For instance,  Exercising not only gives us withenergy but also an  optimistic view in life boosts our optimism, thus does us a power of good both physically and mentally . Finally, not mention to we should not forget to mention that doing exercise makes us feel more confident. Because only by taking part in outdoor activities can you know exactly what you can do . To sum up, doing exercise is the simplest, cheapest way to have a good health as well as an impressive body -building.(ý thứ ba của bài luận bạn nên đổi thành working out has become a must as everyone is trying to keep fit thì tốt hơn và còn để cho khớp với câu kết luận)