PLEASE GIVE MY ESSAY TASK 2 SOME COMMENTS

Question

Topic

 

“ Failure is proof that desire wasn’t strong enough”

 

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples for  your own knowledge or experience ?

Write at least 250 words .

 

My Essay

 

   It is sometimes argued that the cause for not recording achievements is weak aspiration. I agree with this statement up to the point.

   On the one hand, I subcribe to a view that a very burning desire makes real efforts, which are the most major contributors to success. It means that craving for attaining goal plays an essential role in stimulating people to try hard ceaselessly. Only when one is absorbed in studying and unafraid of failure can he fulfills his dream. Thomas Alva Edison’s inventions are the typical illustrations for my standpoint. Before inventing light bulbs, he had overcome 9.999 failures constantly. From his failures and longing for inventions, he realized how to make light for mankind.

   On the other hand, a variety of objective reasons have harmful influence on the final results. Firstly, many people have great ambition which is beyond their competence. Thus, however hard they try, they can not accomplish their object. For instance, It is unable for invalid people to conquer Everest peak. Secondly, society’s demands, timings and other outside elements also decide how much percentage of people’s success. People therefore should consider carefully their goals before sacrificing time and efforts for them.

   In conclusion, to achieve a certain ambition, people should have great desire and take diverse objective elenments into consideration. As Napoleon Hill said: “The starting point of all achievement is desire. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desire bring weak results, just as a small fire makes a small amount of heart.”

(250 words)

Answer 1

  It is sometimes argued that the cause for not recording achievements is weak aspiration. I agree with this statement up to the point.

   On the one hand, I subcribe to a view that a very burning desire makes real efforts, which are the most major contributors to success. It means that craving for attaining goal plays an essential role in stimulating people to try hard ceaselessly. Only when one is absorbed in studying and unafraid of failures can he fulfills his dream. Thomas Alva Edison’s inventions are the typical illustrations for my standpoint. Before inventing light bulbs, he had overcome 9.999 failures constantly. From his failures and longing for inventions, he realized how to make light for mankind.

   On the other hand, a variety of objective reasons have harmful influence on the final results. Firstly, many people have great ambitions which is beyond their competence. Thus, however how hard they try, they can not accomplish their objectives. For instance, It is unable for invalid people to conquer Everest peak. Secondly, society’s demands, timings and other outside elements also decide how much percentage of people’s success. People therefore should consider carefully their goals before sacrificing time and efforts for them.

   In conclusion, to achieve a certain ambition, people should have great desire and take diverse objective elements into consideration. As Napoleon Hill said: “The starting point of all achievement is desire. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desire bring weak results, just as a small fire makes a small amount of heart.”

Bạn đang dung cấu trúc argumentative là đoạn thân bài 1 nói về cái mình ko đồng ý, còn đoạn thân bài 2 bạn sẽ nói lên quan điểm của bạn đúng ko ?  Mình đọc bài thì theo cấu trúc bạn sắp xếp “ ong the 1 hand- on the other hand” mình sẽ nghĩ vậy. Nhưng khi đọc chi tiết mình tháy bạn viết ko phải cấu trúc này!

Phần kết bài bạn viết thê này làm minh ko tháy rõ lại cuối cùng bạn theo ý nào.

Những chổ mình tô đen, bạn nên tìm hiểu them..vì colocation. Sau này share bài rồi chúng mình lại sữa cho nhau nha.

Comments

effort tớ thấy trong từ điển cũng có từ điển cũng thêm s được . Cậu thử xem link sau nhé : https://www.englishforums.com/English/EffortEfforts/qrnrm/post.htm
Có gì bọn mình chữa bài cho nhau nha ^^

---

bạn có fb ko..có gì chúng mình dễ trao đổi hơn,,mình cũng đang cần ng sữa bài

---

Tớ có cậu ạ nhưng mà có gì dùng qua gmail cũng được

[email protected] nha

Có gì sửa qua mail nhé !