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                                  IELTS WRITING TASK 2

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

MY ESSAY

   Some people argue that, for children, classmates play a more important role than parents in achieving success in school. Personally, I subscribe to this view as classmates are the motivation for children to improve their learning and they also spend more time together at school.

   First and foremost, classmates are the inspiration for each students to enhance their competence at school. Almost all students set academic standard from their classmates. Educational environment often creats latent competition among students. Evidently, no one is fond of being a little fish in a big pond. They thus make every effort in order to attain the best position in class. Contrary to classmates, parents always believe their children’learning ability without condition that makes them become lazy, self-satisfied and therefore achieve no good results.

   Equally significant, students take more time beside their friends than parents. Not only does one’s achievement come from his academic ability but it is also brought from behaviour. When children at home, parents provide them with the best care. However, friends treat everybody alike, students have to learn to be open-hearted, mature and respect each other. My neighbour’s son is a typical demonstration. While his parents give him whatever he wants without hesitation, classmates teach him how to share what he has. He indeed has grown up and deserved his parents’ hope.

In conclusion, classmates and parents are major contributors to one’s development. Nevertheless, I believe that in school, classmates take more influence on students than parents. Hence, people should consider suitable classmates for their children so that they can strengthen their ability easily.

(263 words)

 

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Nhận xét của mình (chú ý: sau đây chỉ là ý kiến của riêng mình về bài của bạn) :

-Bài rất hay về nội dung, task response tốt, tuy nhiên, mặc dù bạn có nói "Nevertheless, I believe that in school, classmates take more influence on students than parents" nhưng theo mình bạn vẫn nên nói một câu agree / disagree để nhấn mạnh ý nói của chính mình hơn và có thể sẽ giúp nâng band của bạn hơn. (>_<)

-grammar range và accuracy rất tốt, mẫu câu gần như ko bị lặp, vốn mẫu câu rộng, tóm lại là ok. (:-D)

-Vốn từ rộng, ko có gì để chê phần này.

Tóm lại là hay :)

 

 

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