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TOPIC

 

Every country needs to remember it’s past

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
You should write at leats 250 words

You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant advice

 

MY ESSAY

 

   There is a saying “When drinking water, remember it’s source” . I therefore share the writer’s concern about the importance of keeping national history.

   In my opinion, the past of each country provides citizens with the best knowledge about the development of it’s own nation. Based on historic events, people today can learn precious lessons about the ancestors’s military and economic strategies to build and protect a better society. For instance, because of the key position of the South China Sea, the relation between Vietnam and China is getting more and more strained. Thank to past experiences, Vietnam has settled this conflict through diplomatic channels instead of wars. If Vietnam declared war against China, many people would be perished. National history prevents people from past wheel tracks

   On the other hand, history also enrichs people’s mind by ancient cultures, which are close to habit and custom and have national characters. Futhermore, if the old cultures were roots, today cultures would be branches. It means that without history, the life of mind would seem very monotonous.To demonstate, line dance(dan vu) is the typical illustration for this. Malaysia has Rasa Sayang to tell the itinerary finding friends, while Soran Bushi from Japan describes the fight against monsters and diseases. Not only can ancient cultures dispel tiredness when working strenuously but also bring happy moments to employees.   

   In summary, people have to respect and preserve the past of their country to understand the difficulties as well as achivements that their forefather went throught and love the old national cultures.

( 257 words )

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2 Answers

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ancestors’s military=> ancestors’ military

"Vietnam has settled this conflict through diplomatic channels instead of wars". Mình có chút góp ý ở câu này như sau:

thứ nhất bạn không nên dùng từ "conflict", vì mình là sinh viên ngoại giao nên đã từng gặp vấn đề này rồi, có lần mình dùng thì cô mình nhấn mạnh là chỉ nên dùng từ "dispute" (tranh chấp"thôi, không nên dùng conflict. Thứ 2 nữa là bạn dùng has settled this conflict tức là cái vấn đề này đã được giải quyết rồi. Xét về hoàn cảnh chính trị bây giờ thì điều này không đúng (give wrong information). vì thật ra tranh chấp giữa VN và TQ ở biển Hoa Đông vẫn chưa được giải quyết. Cho nên mình góp ý là bạn nên sửa lại câu này hoặc là bỏ câu này và thay bằng câu khác

"On the other hand, history also enrichs people’s mind by ancient cultures, which are close to habit and custom and have national characters". Câu này có chút vấn đề về ngữ pháp. Nên sửa lại thành:"On the other hand, history also enrichs people’ mind by ancient cultures, which are close to habits and customs and national characters" 

Tóm lại, mình thấy bài này của bạn chưa được rõ ý lắm. Phần ví dụ bạn lấy cũng không được thuyết phục lắm. Cố gắng nhé,

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There is a saying “When drinking water, remember it’s source” . I therefore share the writer’s concern about the importance of keeping national history. Writer ở đây là ai?

   In my opinion, the past of each country provides citizens with the best knowledge about the development of it’s own nation. Based on historical events, people today can learn precious lessons from the former time about the ancestors’s military and economic strategies to build and protect a better society. For instance, because of the key position of the South China Sea, the relation between Vietnam and China is getting more and more strained. Thank to the past experiences, Vietnam has settled this conflict through diplomatic channels instead of wars. If Vietnam declared war against China, many people would be perished. National history prevents people from repeating the ancestors’ mistakes. the past wheel tracks

   On the other hand, Secondly, history also enrichs people’s mind by ancient cultures which are close to habits and customs and have national characters. Futhermore, if the old cultures were roots, today the contemporary cultures would be branches. It means that without history, the life of mind spiritual lives would seem very monotonous. To demonstrate, line dance(dan vu) is the typical illustration for this. Malaysia has Rasa Sayang to tell the itinerary finding friends, while Soran Bushi from Japan describes the fight against monsters and diseases. Not only can ancient cultures dispel tiredness when working strenuously but also bring happy moments to employees. people  

   In summary, people we have to respect and preserve our past of their country to understand the difficulties as well as achievements that their forefather went throught and love the old national cultures.

Đây là bài thú 2 mình xem của bạn..bạn hình như đã dung sai cáu trúc bài essay rồi.  bạn nên tìm hỉu lại dàn bài mãu.

Essay ko dc viết tắt ( từ lỗi này cho thấy bạn mói học viết đúng ko ^^)

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27 points

1 comment

cảm ơn góp ý rất hữu ích của cậu nhé ! Tớ học writing 1 thời gian xong bỏ giờ ôn lại nên cũng viết yếu, cậu cứ góp ý giúp tớ tiến bộ nhé !
Tớ có mấy chỗ không hiểu lắm :
1. Tớ biết không được viết tắt : Nhưng cụm it's , là dành để sở hữu, tớ không biết có cách khác để diễn tả ý sở hữu ở đây không ?
2. Nếu thay on the other hand sang Additionally chẳng hạn thì cấu trúc có bị sai không ? Tớ không biết sao lại sai :(
Cảm ơn cậu đã trả lời ^^