Bài writing tast 2 về mobile phone, mong mọi người góp ý và ước lượng giùm mình đang ở band bao nhiêu. Cảm ơn rất nhiều.
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Topic: The use of mobile phone is as anti-social as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so the mobile should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Like smoking, using mobile phone causes a lot of social problems for people. So some people believe that mobile phone is as dangerous as smoking and should be banned in nation. In my opinion, we can not banned the use of mobile phone but learn to use it more wisely because of these grounds.

Firstly, mobile phone is one of most essential device in our modern life, because it is used in a lot of aspects of people daily activities such as contacting people, chatting, accessing internet,…. Let imagine one day without mobile phone, how will you live? You will firstly be boring because you have nothing to do and then miss a lot of opportunities if you are a businessman. It means that no mobile phone is bad for the development of our society. Secondly, mobile phone is not only helpful but also still irreplaceable by another devices at this time, especially smartphones. Steve Job, one of the most great CEO in human being history once said: ‘ I-Phone is a great combination of a camera, a normal mobile device,  a IPod now and may be a small Laptop in future’. Until technology can find another more power devices then mobile phone, we have to continue to use it like an important part of out life. Finally, mobile phone is good for us as long as we know how to use it correctly, and by learning, people take the mobile under control, not be controlled like some cases now.

There are some people said that using mobile phone lead to some disease like cancer or memory reducing problems because of it’s magnetic waves. But science nowadays still have no evidences to prove it is true and it is still a controversial problem. It means that until now, using a mobile phone still seem quite safety.  In addition, some people believed mobile phone turn human being to be a addict. It is a subjective idea because as mentioned above, everything is a two-side sword and you, yourself must learn to use these things to not be dependent on it.

In conclusion, mobile phone itself still exists some cons but it is critical in our life and we must use it if we want improve ourselves. Instead of complaining, people should gradually learn to use it more and more wisely because the more knowledge about mobile phone you have, the most effective it will bring for your life.
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Here is my comments :

1, So ( Thus or hence or therefore ) some people believe that ...

2, certain places are different nation -> you can use : densely populated areas

3, we can not banned -> ban

4, essential device -> devices ( is one of Noun+s )

5, (...) power device than ( not then ) mobile phone

6, Until .... , do we have to ...

7, using mobile phone leads to ( not lead to )

8, some diseases

9, has no evidences ( not have )

10, seems quite safe ( not safety , seem + adj )

11, turns human...

12, because as mentioned above

13, dont use " yourself" , just you

General, you have many grammatical errors , you should be more careful

14, If the first paragraph you use " firstly " , the second paragraph you must use " secondly " . However , you can use " to commence with" + "on the other hand" ...

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