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Topic: Smart devices have put all of the world's information at our fingertips. What are the drawbacks of this development?

Answer:

          Nowadays, finding for some information is no more a difficult task. All needed is a smartphone connected to the Internet and then after a second, we can get almost anything we are searching for. Inspite of containing many useful points, this modernization poses some disadvantages that directly influence on our lives. People’s laziness on reading paper books and their lack of personal opinion will make this clear.

          For one, it is widely supported that the habit of using phones to search for information is gradually separating users from traditional books. Many surveys have shown that nearly 95% of university students prefer copying answer keys of their homework via Google to going to school library. As a result, they become unable to live without smartphones and forget the printed books, which is called “The most essential friends to succeed” by many famous lecturers and philosophers. Therefore, it is a big unfortunate if everything is available on high-technology devices in the future.

          The way people reflect upon the news they are reading everyday also reiterates this. For instance, when Facebook allowed its users to apply French flag on their avatars to support Paris, there were two main groups of view about this. The first one had a lot of sympathy and was willing to join the campaign, and the other considered that some people were just imitating crowds. If a person purely reads without thinking, he will easily follow subjectivism before categorizing, analyzing carefully and having hisself an own stand. This one again proves that putting all of the world’s affair is not only a good thing for online readers.

          In summary, the development of presenting information on modern mobile devices will be an obstacle to traditional reading culture and how people control their own views. That is why the two problem below are the biggest disadvantages of smartphones and other technology-driven equipments. In the future, people should enforce the habit of reading book or they will soon be directed by technology.

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Overall your essay is good. However, I have some comments as following:

For one, it is widely supported that the habit of using phones to search for information is gradually separating users from traditional books. Many surveys have shown that nearly 95% of university students prefer copying answer keys of their homework via Google to going to school library [I do not want to discuss about this information. However, IMO, you should not give any quantitative information like this because IELTS writing Task 2 does not require any detailed numbers. You should use other words like "vast majority of" or "consideraable amounts...]. As a result, they become unable to live without smartphones and forget the printed books, which is called “The most essential friends to succeed” by many famous lecturers and philosophers [I think this point is too strong, I mean "they become unable to live without" should be changed to softer]. Therefore, it is a big unfortunate [If unfortunate is used as a noun, it means a person who does not have much luck, money, etc - I checked Oxford advanced learners dictionary - So I think you should add a noun after this adjective] if everything is available on high-technology devices in the future.

 

 

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Thank you so much for commenting. I've started to study IELTS by my self for 1 week only so it is my first essay. Are you sure it is worth band 6.5?

And I'd like to ask you something. Can you suggest some alternative words to replace the unreasonable ones, like "they become unable to live without..." and "unfortunate" ?

Thank you, again!

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