IELTS Writing task 1 academic - lần đầu post mong mọi người chữa giúp an

Question

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These two charts give data about activities  of graduate and postgraduate students who did go into full time job  after leaving college in UK in 2008.

Overall,what stands out from the charts is that  further study was the most popular choice of both, with nearly 30000 graduates and over 2700 postgraduates. Meanwhile, voluntary work was ranked the last position with 3500 graduates and 345 postgraduates choosing this destination.

For more details, as for destination of UK graduate students in 2008, the number of learners took up further study was nearly twice as many as the number of ones who were unemployed, with 29655 and 16235 respectively. There were 17735 students having part-time job, making it the second most popular destination. The lowest number is in voluntary work with 3500 students.

As regards activities of UK postgraduates in 2008, there were 2725 students opting for further study, becoming the number one destination, and slightly more popular than the number of students going for part-time job which stayed the second place. The figure of unemployed students came next, with 1625, was five times as many as the number of postgraduates doing voluntary work, with 345 people.