Task 1. 2013. Line graph

Question

The line graph illustrates the variation in the number of tourists visiting to three museums from June to September 2013.
As can be seen from the chart, there is a slight rise in the number of visitors to British Museum and Science Museum, and a fall for Natural History Museum.
In June, the number of visitors to British Museum was highest, at 600. The figures for Science Museum and Natural History Museum were lower, at 550 and 400 respectively. The figure for British Museum was still highest in September (650). However, that number rised to 750 in June and dropped suddenly by 500 in August. The figure for Science Museum fell slightly from 400 to 300, and then grew by 450 (the lowest of all).
On the other hand, the number of visitors to Natural History Museum underwent a fall of 90. It dropped to under 400 in July and remained steady until August before reaching to about 460 in September.
(152 words)

Answer 1

Mình mới tập viết thôi nhưng dựa vào những cái mình được học và tham khảo trên mạng, mình thấy bài viết của bạn có 1 số vấn đề sau:

1. Để viết overview, cụm "as can be seen" mình thấy ko đc khuyến khích lắm, bạn có thể thay bằng overall hoặc It is clear that. Ngoài ra phần overview của bạn khá sơ sài. Cô Liz nói khi miêu tả 1 line graph, phần overview ko chỉ nhìn tổng quan vào sự biến thiên lên xuống của các line mà còn nên đề cập đến cả highest và lowest nữa, đương nhiên ko cần đưa số liệu vào vì phần thân mình sẽ phân tích nó.

2. Phần body 1, mình thấy bạn sắp xếp hơi lộn xộn. đang đầu nhảy xuống cuối rồi quay lại miêu tả đoạn giữa. Hơn nữa ở câu "However, that number rised to 750 in June ", bạn bị nhầm thông tin July thành June nhé. Bạn nên sử dụng adv nh hơn để bổ trợ cho động từ rõ hơn.

Một cái nữa ở phần này là bạn bị nhầm khi sử dụng từ "by", nó có nghĩa là bạn giảm bao nhiêu chứ ko phải giảm đến đâu. Ví như câu "dropped suddenly by 500 in August" bạn nói thế này nghĩa là nó đột ngột giảm đi 500 000 người trong tháng 8 chứ ko phải giảm xuống còn 500000 như trên hình, dùng "to" thay thế nhé. Bạn cũng nên sử dụng đơn vị sau mỗi con số nếu ko ngta sẽ hiểu rằng con số này là 500 ng thay vì 500 000 người đấy.

Các từ chỉ số lượng khi bạn dùng để miêu tả, giả sử đạt 400 000 người vào tháng 6 thì có thể sử dụng giới từ "at" nhé.

3. Mình ko thấy ngta sử dụng reach to, bạn có thể thay bằng "reach a high of about 460 000"

Answer 2

The line graph illustrates the variation in the number of tourists visiting to three museums from June to September 2013.
As can be seen from the chart, there is a slight rise in the number of visitors to British Museum and Science Museum, and a fall for Natural History Museum.
In June, the number of visitors to British Museum was highest, at 600. The figures for Science Museum and Natural History Museum were lower, at 550 and 400 respectively. The figure for British Museum was still highest in September (650). However, that number rised to 750 in June and dropped suddenly by  to 500 in August. The figure for Science Museum fell slightly from 400 to 300, and then grew by to about 450 (the lowest of all).
On the other hand, the number of visitors to Natural History Museum underwent a fall of 90. It dropped to under 400 in July and remained steady until August before reaching to about 460 in September.

mình thấy dùng "by" khi tăng hoặc giảm 1 lượng nào đó thôi 

Answer 3

Cho e xin ý kiến về bài này với ạ. Em cảm ơn

The line chart gives information about the number of people travelled to Museums in England every month  in summer, 2013, from June to September.

It is worth noting that while the increasing number of tourists visited British Museum and Science Meseum, Natural History Mesuem witnessed downward trend in 2013.

To specify, In beginning period, the figure was started highest rank 600 thousand people went to British Mesuem .After fluatuated and droped dramatically to 500 in August, it returned to increase remarkably by over 150 thousand visitors. Similarly, Science Museum has a similar pattern to British Meseum, the number of traveller deccreased considerably from 400 thousand to 300 thousans in first 3 month, and then reach a peak about 450 thousands people.

In contrast, Natural History Museum saw quite different form,there was a sharp decline to just under 400 thousands visitors in July and almost unchanged in next month. In September, the nuber of people went to Museum grew about 460 thousands.

Comments

The line chart gives information about the number of people travelled to Museums in England every month  in summer, 2013, from June to September 2013.

It is worth noting that while the increasing number of tourists visited British Museum and Science Meseum, Natural History Mesuem witnessed a downward trend in 2013.

To specify, In beginning period, the figure was started at the highest rank with 600 thousand people went to British Mesuem .After fluatuated fluctuating and droped dropping dramatically to 500 in August, it returned to increase remarkably by over 150 thousand visitors. Similarly, Science Museum has a similar pattern to British Meseum, the number of traveller decreased considerably from 400 thousand to 300 thousans by 100 thousand in the first 3 month and then before reaching a peak at about 450 thousands people 
 
In contrast, saw quite different form,there was a sharp decline to just under 400 thousands visitors in July in Natural History Museum and almost unchanged remain stabled in next month. In September, the number of people went to Museum grew about 460 thousands

 

Answer 4

The line chart gives information about the number of people travelled to Museums in England every month  in summer, 2013, from June to September 2013.

It is worth noting that while the increasing number of tourists visited British Museum and Science Meseum, Natural History Mesuem witnessed a downward trend in 2013.

To specify, In beginning period, the figure was started at the highest rank with 600 thousand people went to British Mesuem .After fluatuated fluctuating and droped dropping dramatically to 500 in August, it returned to increase remarkably by over 150 thousand visitors. Similarly, Science Museum has a similar pattern to British Meseum, the number of traveller decreased considerably from 400 thousand to 300 thousans by 100 thousand in the first 3 month and then before reaching a peak at about 450 thousands people 
 
In contrast, saw quite different form,there was a sharp decline to just under 400 thousands visitors in July in Natural History Museum and almost unchanged remain stabled in next month. In September, the number of people went to Museum grew about 460 thousands