Bài IELTS Task 1 - Cam 10 - Table

Question

Em mới tập viết dạng table, mong mọi người góp ý chấm bài giúp em ạ.

The table given describes an overview about the business of a coffee shop located in an office building, selling four items : coffee, tea, pastries and sandwiches. 

Overall, coffee makes the best selling item, while tea is the least favored by the customers. It is also obvious that the coffee shop is visited most in the morning with the highest total orders at this time of day, whereas the afternoon hours has the lowest quantity of sales. 

Coffee and pastries are most favored by the customers in the morning with 265 and 275 orders respectively. However, the sales figures for coffee experiences a sharply drop after 10 :30 and merely shot up back to the top sales in the last hours of day, from 5:30 to 8:30, with 200 orders. On the other hand, the afternoon is the time when customers prefer pastries more than any other drinks and food in the menu with 150 orders sold. 

Even though the sales of tea is well doubled that of sandwiches in the breakfast hours, it plummeted from 10:30 to 5:30 and finally increased to 75 in the end of the day. In the meantime, the number of odered sandwiches enjoys a four-fold in the luch break (from 50 to 200) which makes sandwiches become the best selling item at that time while other food and drinks have sunking sales figure. 

(229 words)

Answer 1

The table given describes an overview about the business of a coffee shop located in an office building, selling four items : coffee, tea, pastries and sandwiches. 

Overall, coffee makes the best selling item while tea is the least favored by the customers. It is also obvious/apparent that the coffee shop is visited most in the morning with the highest total orders at this time of day, whereas the afternoon hours have the lowest quantity of sales. 

Coffee and pastries are most favored by the customers in the morning with 265 and 275 orders respectively. However, the sales figure for coffee experiences a sharp drop after 10 :30 and merely shoots up back to the top sales in the last hours of day, from 5:30 to 8:30, with 200 orders. On the other hand, the afternoon is the time when customers prefer pastries more than any other drinks and food in the menu with 150 orders sold. 

Even though the sales of tea is well doubled that of sandwiches during the breakfast hours, it plummets from 10:30 to 5:30 and finally increases to 75 in the end of the day. In the meantime, the number of odered sandwiches enjoys a four-fold in the lunch break (from 50 to 200) which makes sandwiches become the best selling item at that time while other food and drinks sink in sales figure. 

Overall

Impressive range of words describing trends. Mind your tenses. Good overall. Keep up!

Comments

Em cảm ơn anh/chị nhiều nhé ^^

Answer 2

1. Còn 1 vài chỗ chia động từ sai cần lưu ý nha bạn. 

whereas the afternoon hours has the lowest quantity of sales.

the sales figures for coffee experiences a sharply drop

he sales of tea is well doubled

2. Theo mình thì  bài viết của bạn đã diễn tả lại được đủ ý của table nhưng còn khá ít những phép so sánh hơn, đa bội giữa các con số. Bạn cũng nên sử dụng đa dạng các từ đồng nghĩa vì mình thấy bạn dùng hơi nhiều cụm "the sale of..", mình có 1 vài gợi ý nhỏ như the consumption, the number of orders, proportion of..., Hoặc bạn cũng có nhiều sự lựa chọn khác thay cho favored, ví dụ như the most popular, most common choice, favorite, preferred,....

3. Bạn nên xem lại 1 số câu hơi dài nhé vì bài viết của bạn lên đến 229 từ, là 1 trở ngại về thời gian đó!

Chúc bạn ngày càng cải thiện kỹ năng của mình và đạt điểm cao trong kỳ thi!! Và đừng quên nhận xét cho bài viết của mình nhé http://scholarshipplanet.info/check/4372/ielts-task-1-table-moi-nguoi-sua-giup-em-voi