Chữa giúp em bài ielts task 1

Question

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The two line graphs illustrate the change in the ozone hole size over Antartica and the amount of three types of gas that damage the ozone layer from 1980 to 2000

Regarding to the first line graph, over the whole period, the ozone hole size rises sharply, from approximately 300 thousand square kilometers to roughly 3.5 million, a growth of almost 12 times over two decades. Only from 1990 to 1993 was there a gradual decline (from 2 to 1.2 million square kilometers)

Moving to the second line graph, with the exception og CFC-11, the two harmful gases left witnessed an upward trend. CFC-12 and N2O went up considerably to about 50 million tonnes and below 40 million, respectively over 20 years

Overall, the ozone hole got larger as well as the more CFC-12 and N2O were produced

 

Answer 1

The two line graphs illustrate the change changes in the ozone hole size over Antartica and the amount of three types of gas that damaged the ozone layer from 1980 to 2000

Regarding to the first line graph, over the whole period, the ozone hole size rises rose sharply, from approximately 300 thousand square kilometers to roughly 3.5 million square kilometers, a growth of almost 12 times over two decades. Only from 1990 to 1993 was there a gradual decline (from 2 to 1.2 million square kilometers).

Moving to the second line graph, with the exception of CFC-11, the two harmful gases left witnessed an upward trend. CFC-12 and N2O went up considerably to about 50 million tonnes and below 40 million, respectively over 20 years

Overall, the ozone hole got larger as well as the more CFC-12 and N2O were produced.

Mình sửa mấy chỗ nhỏ nhỏ :) Bài của bạn chưa được đến 150 từ :( Mình gợi ý thêm một số ý bạn nên đưa vào bài. Mình cũng chưa giỏi lắm nên có gì bạn lại góp ý cho mình ha :D

1. In 1980, the ozone hole size over Antarctica was approximately 300 thousand square kilometers.

From 1980 to 1990, the figure increased by nearly 1.7 million, reaching to roughly 2 million square kilometers in 1990.

During three years onwards, it fell significantly and dropped to just over 1 million square kilometers before sharply rising in the next 7 years.

By 2000, the size of ozone hole in Antarctica peaked at about 3.5 million square kilometers.

2. There were three kinds of gas contributed to Ozone layer damages, namely CFC-11, CFC-12 and N2O (which had appeared since 1990). 

The amount of CFC-11 and N2O grew with different paces.

In comparison, the amount of CFC-12 decreased dramatically.

Answer 2

Đề bài xem ở đây: Ozone.

 

The two line graphs illustrate the changes in the ozone hole size over Antartica and the amount of three types of gas that damage the ozone layer from 1980 to 2000.

Paraphrase hơi đơn giản quá so với đề.

Cái gạch kia chưa phản ánh đúng production of 3 ozone-damaging gases.

 

Regarding to the first line graph, over the whole period, the ozone hole size rises sharply, from approximately 300 thousand square kilometers to roughly 3.5 million ..., a growth of almost 12 times over two decades. Only from 1990 to 1993 was there a gradual decline (from 2 to 1.2 million square kilometers).

Dùng mở đầu đơn giản hơn.

Mấy cái về thời gian cho ra cuối câu.

Đơn vị ban đầu có thì vế sau cũng phải có. Muốn tránh thế thì phải miêu tả khác đi, ví dụ the firgues of square kilometers in thoudsands gì đó.

Cái over two decades coi chừng trùng với cái đầu tiên, đều là thời gian.

Mình không nghĩ Đảo Ngữ là cách viết ăn điểm. Đoạn số liệu sau đó đừng cho vào ngoặc. ..., dropping from ... to ...

 

Moving to the second line graph, with the exception og CFC-11, the two harmful gases left witnessed an upward trend. CFC-12 and N2O went up considerably to about 50 million tonnes and below 40 million, respectively over 20 years.

Đoạn gạch định nói gì?

Câu sau cũng dùng the number of gì đó thì tự dưng 50 và 40 không bị lặp đơn vị và nối với respectively luôn (không có "," đằng trước).

over the period of 20 years/ over the 20-year period

 

Overall, the ozone hole got larger as well as the more CFC-12 and N2O were produced.

Câu overall không hiểu bạn định nói gì?