IELTS task 1 ngày 25/7/2015 mọi người sửa giúp em với ạ

Question

The chart below shows the amount of magazines sold per person in five different countries between 2000 and 2010 and also the forecast for 2020.

Overall, while three of five countries were in an upward trend, country D was in the opposite trend and country E witnessed a fluctuation during the period.

As can be seen from the chart, althought there was a decrease in 2010 compared with 10 years ago, from 47 magazines to 42 magazines per person, the numbers sold of country A was always the highest. It's also guessed to rank the first position in 2020 at about 33 magazines per one. 

Turn to 2 next countries, the decrease of country B and C were similar but the number of B was always higher too, at about 41 and 35 in 2000 and 32 and 30 vol per person respectively. This reflected the fact that people in countries A, B and C are not prefer to buy magazines and newspaper as they used to, may due to the development of online magazines and others entertainment.

Especially, the figure of country E was in an upward trend in the period of 2000 to 2010, at about 10 vol per one person, but the forecast said that it may drop to the similar to the number of 2000 in 2020.

 

 

 

Answer 1

Mình cũng chỉ mới học vài buổi thôi k dám sửa nhiều cho bạn nhưng đây là theo ý kiến của mình và những gì mình học đc :) 

The chart below shows the amount of magazines sold per person in five different countries between 2000 and 2010 and also the forecast for 2020.

(Mình thấy phần intro cậu paraphrase hơi ít từ)

Overall, while three of five countries were in an upward trend, country D was in the opposite trend and country E witnessed a fluctuation during the period.

( theo mình  overall mình nên nói 2 đặc điểm đó là xu hướng chung  và điểm nổi bật nhất. 

As can be seen from the chart, althought there was a decrease(in the number of magazines sold) in 2010 compared with 10 years ago, from 47 magazines to 42 magazines per person, the numbers sold of country A was always the highest. It's also guessed to rank the first position in 2020 at about 33 magazines per one. 

Turn to 2 next countries, the decrease of country B and C were similar but the number of B was always higher too, at about 41 and 35 in 2000 and 32 and 30 vol per person respectively. This reflected the fact that people in countries A, B and C are not prefer to buy magazines and newspaper as they used to, may due to the development of online magazines and others entertainment. (không nên đưa ý kiến cá nhân vào t  nghĩ vậy)

Especially, the figure of country->for E was in an upward trend in the period of 2000 to 2010, at about 10 vol per one person, but the forecast said that it may drop to the similar to the number of 2000 in 2020.

( Nếu là mình body mình sẽ chia là 2 khổ. khổ 1 cho 3 nước đầu. có cùng xu hướng giảm , khổ 2 cho 2 nước còn lại )

Comments

Cảm ơn cậu nhiều nhé. ^^Nếu được thì cậu có thể viết lại phần intro và overall để tớ tham khảo được không? Tớ cũng đang luyện cách paraphase nên chưa thạo lắm. 

Nếu được thì cậu góp ý luôn xem bài này tớ ở band bao nhiêu nhé. Cảm ơn trước nha