Bài "General training Writing Task 1-page 25-trong cuốn GRAMMAR FOR IELTS_nxb Cambridge"

Question

Đây là lần đầu mình viết một bài writing IELTS nên các bạn thẳng thắn góp ý với mình nhé!(Nếu cách diễn đạt của mình chưa hợp lí thì các bạn cho mình những từ ngữ ,cấu trúc hợp lí hơn nhé)

                                                 Cám ơn các bạn rất nhiều!

ĐỀ BÀI------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 You have seen an advertisement for a weekend job as a local tour guide showing vistor around your city.

  Write a letter of application to the tourism office.In letter:

   - Give your reason for wanting the job

   - explain why you can do the job

   - describe any relevant experiment you have.

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Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the local tour guide you advertised arround my city. With my education and my understading about my city, I believe I could make a valuable contribution to your company.

I will have graduated from Hanoi university at this moment next year, so I want to get more experiments on the job. I think this work suit me now because I have to attend all class from Monday to Friday every week, therefore I can spend the wekend doing this job. And moreover, I am still a student now, clearly, I will have a good income if I do this job.

I am very interested in historical knowledge and I have a good understanding of the people lifestyle of my city, so I an confident that I can introduce histories and stories about everything in this city  to domestic and foreign tourists. I can speak two languages, English ang German and have quite a rich vocabulary. I particularly confident in public speaking.Recently, I've had an intership at a travel agency. They assessed that I have potential in the field of tourism. Thay value my ability is no less a formal staff.

I hope you will accept and believe in my ability. I always look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Duc Trung Nguyen

Answer 1

Chào bạn :). Hi vọng góp ý của mình không muộn quá :). Format bức thư ổn, cấu trúc rõ ràng. Chỉ có vài chỗ mình muốn góp ý:

I am writing to apply for the local tour guide job that you have advertised arround (detrimental spelling mistake) my city. With my education and my knowledge about my city, I believe I could make a valuable asset to your company.

I will graduate from Hanoi University in a year and am looking for some work experience. Although I have to attend class from Monday to Friday, I can spend the wekend doing this job. In addition, as a student, I am also looking for a regular source of income.

I am very interested in local history and I have a good understanding of local lifestyle. Therefore, I am confident that I can talk about the city with all of its unique features to domestic and foreign tourists. I can speak English and German and have an extensive vocabulary base. I a, particularly confident in public speaking. Recently, I've (never use a shortened form) had an intership at a travel agency. They recongised my potential in the field of tourism. Thay gave me as much responsibility as one of their employees. 

I hope you will consider my application. I look forward to hearing from you.

Vậy thôi. Chúc bạn may mắn!

Comments

Cám ơn Bạn #chuthuyduong nhé, mình nhận thấy mình còn thiếu sót nhiều trong văn phong lắm, mong bạn nhiệt tình góp ý cho các bài viết sau của t nhé.