Cùng chữa đề IELTS - Writing task 2 sáng 25/7/2014 [closed]

Question

Luật contest:

 

- Mỗi bạn sẽ post bài viết của mình lên dưới dạng góp ý (+2 point cho mỗi bài viết)

- Các bạn sẽ cùng viết, vote và nhận xét bài lẫn nhau trong Topic này.

- Bài viết nào được vote nhiều nhất sẽ được chọn làm bài viết hay nhất (+4 point)

 

- Deadline: 12h trưa thứ 3 tuần sau - 29/07/ - sau deadline, Topic sẽ bị đóng.

 

Contest này được tổ chức nhằm mục đích tạo sân chơi cho các mem học hỏi lẫn nhau, vậy nên, mình hy vọng rằng mọi người sẽ không chỉ viết, mà còn sẽ tích cực nhận xét bài cho các mem khác :)

 

Hãy bắt đầu bằng đề thi Task 2 tuần này:

 

Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve. Others believe individuals can also do some things to solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Credit: Thức Nguyễn - Hội luyện thi IELTS trên Scholarship Planet.

 

Cuối tuần vui vẻ.

Jack.

Answer 1

ĐÂY LÀ BÀI CỦA MÌNH, CÁC BẠN THAM KHẢO VÀ CHO Ý KIẾN NHÉ( 304 WORDS)

( HY VỌNG CÁC AD CÓ THỂ NHẬN XÉT BỞI VÌ CHƯA CHẮC AI CŨNG NHẬN XÉT ĐÚNG CẢ)

In this day and age, people are increasingly creating waste and environmental pollution, and they are negatively affected by their consequences.While some people argue that environmental problems could solely be prevented by the government and the society, I personally believe that individuals can take effective steps to tackle these issues.

On the one hand, people firmly  hold the view that individuals are not capable of reducing environmental pollution due to several reasons. Firstly, many factories and vehicles all over the world are mainly  producing emessions and exhaust fume that have adverse impacts on the environment.It is only governments could  produce  possible measures to mitigage these potential problems by introducing strict laws to limit the amount of emissions from factories and public transports.Secondly, the increasing world population is a major cause of problems  relating to the environment , and it put more pressure on natural resources. If several citizens decide to have fewer  children, they could not solve all environmental problems that they caused, and fertility policies imposed by goverments are the best way to reduce pollution.

On the other hand, I strongly believe that citizens can take some measures to reduce pollution of the environment.For example, people can use green bags rather than plastic bags when go shopping. This will help reduce pollution as those green bags can be recycled easily. Furthermore, when individuals are encouraged to pick up rubbish to put into garbages in public places, the evironment will therefore clean and fresh.Taking Singapore, for example, it is considered as the cleaneast city in the world because most citizens are aware of negative consequences due to dropping rubbish in public areas.

In conclusion, there are convincing arguments whether individuals can take steps to mitigage environmental problems, it seems to me that environmental pollution can be prevented by efforts of many individuals.

Comments

-environmental problems Có thể thay thế bằng environmental degradation hoặc environmental deterioration

In this day and age, people are increasingly creating waste and environmental pollution, and they are negatively affected by their consequences.While some people argue that environmental problems could solely be prevented by the government and the society, I personally believe that individuals can take effective steps to tackle these issues.

On the one hand, people firmly  hold the view that individuals are not capable of reducing environmental pollution due to several reasons. Firstly, many factories and vehicles all over the world are mainly  producing emessions -> lỗi chính tả (emission)  and exhaust fume that have adverse impacts on the environment. It is only governments could  produce  possible measures to mitigage these potential problems by introducing strict laws to limit the amount of emissions from factories and public transports -> public transport (uncountable).Secondly, the increasing world population is a major cause of problems  relating to the environment (Hoặc environment-related problems), and it put more pressure on natural resources. If several citizens decide to have fewer  children, they could not solve all environmental problems that they caused, and fertility policies imposed by goverments are the best way to reduce pollution.

On the other hand, I strongly believe that citizens can take some measures to reduce pollution of the environment. For example, people can use green bags rather than plastic bags when go shopping. This will help reduce pollution as those green bags can be recycled easily. Furthermore, when individuals are encouraged to pick up rubbish to put into garbages in public places, the evironment will therefore clean and fresh.Taking Singapore, for example,diễn đạt chưa ổn bạn ạ -> Gợi ý: Taking Singapore as an example hoặc Singapore can be cited as an exmplae) it is considered as the cleaneast city in the world because most citizens are aware of negative consequences due to dropping rubbish -> nếu là mình thì mình dung throwing away rubbish in public areas.

In conclusion, there are convincing arguments whether individuals can take steps to mitigage environmental problems, it seems to me that environmental pollution can be prevented by efforts of many individuals.In this day and age, people are increasingly creating waste and environmental pollution, and they are negatively affected by their consequences.While some people argue that environmental problems could solely be prevented by the government and the society, I personally believe that individuals can take effective steps to tackle these issues.

 

 

Mình chỉ nhận xét về ngữ pháp và lỗi dung từ thôi, còn nd thì máy tính làm mình mỏi mắt quá. Thôi chúc bạn học tốt nhé

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đây là loại bài discuss both views, bạn bị lạc sang thể loại argumentative. chưa nói đến lỗi dùng từ, spelling

- mở bài ko give personal idea trong trường hợp này. anw, để cái này xuống cuối đoạn, nói mình thiên về bên nào hơn thì ổn.

- chưa nâng cao tầm quan trọng của tập thể, và chính phủ trong việc giải quyết vấn đề môi trường.

- đoạn kết cụt,

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Cảm ơn bạn RẤT nhiều về phần nhận xét trên. Mình xin ghi nhận ý kiến của bạn và cũng muốn nhận xét về góp ý của bạn như sau:
1. Đề bài là discuss  and opinion và mình đã viết 2 para với 2 quan điểm( mình nghĩ chắc bạn có nhầm lẫn về dạng đề này)
2.Mở bài mình đã nêu quan điểm cá nhân ở chỗ i personally believe.....

3.Đoạn kết như vậy theo mình đã đạt yêu cầu, chỉ cần paraphase lại mở bài
4. Take Singapore, for example mới chính xác

Về lỗi spelling thì bạn nhận xét đúng
Cảm ơn bạn nhiều.@@@@.

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( HY VỌNG CÁC AD CÓ THỂ NHẬN XÉT BỞI VÌ CHƯA CHẮC AI CŨNG NHẬN XÉT ĐÚNG CẢ)
Mình không biết trình độ bạn thế nào, nhưng trong 1 cộng đồng thế này, phát ngôn như trên khá là "ngông" đấy ;)

Answer 2

Mọi người góp ý cho mình nhé! Hic, hi vọng bài này sẽ được band 7! T.T

Environmental problems are serious combats of humans all over the world. People are attempting to prevent any negative changes of living conditions. Somebody argues that this issue belongs to governments and many social organizations, while others believe that individuals should highly participate in all environmental-friendly programs.

On one hand, the pollution and deterioration of living habitats are universal concerns. People all over the world can be affected by these changes, especially in some vulnerable areas such as many islands and cities which have the heights under the ocean height. Besides that, it is impossible for few countries to stop or at least, prevent any harmful changes in nature without the help and agreement of others. For example, all countries around the world must have a mutual agreement about the amount of industrial gas released per year or many ways to process waste and polluted water. Obviously, these high-load tasks require several supports, fees and responsibilities of global citizens.

On the other hand, each person plays a crucial role in saving our living habitats. The governments can organize and supervise various environment-aid programs, however, individuals will do them. Many behavioral psychologists believe that people can learn new behaviors through observation and imitation. Therefore, if some people attend in solving environmental problems through marginal yet meaningful actions, they can be models for everybody to mirror.

Besides that, I strongly recommend that each individual has to recognize and actively participate in social projects to cure our world. Policies from governments just set the primary boundaries for macro activities such as industrial and infrastructural actions. The most influential factor is the human.

In summary, people can save the environment by their own ways. Furthermore, individuals’ actions should be directed and administrated by governments to be conducive to beneficial results.

Comments

Mình nghĩ là phần mở bài bạn phải đưa ra được cả ý kiến cá nhân của mình nữa

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On one hand, the pollution and deterioration of living habitats are universal concerns. People all over the world can be affected by these changes, especially in some vulnerable areas such as many islands and cities which have the whose heights are under the ocean height the sea level (ocean height dễ bị nhầm với "Ocean Heights"). Besides that, it is impossible for a few countries to stop or at least, prevent any harmful changes in nature without the help and agreement of others. For example, all countries around the world must have a mutual agreement about on the amount of industrial gas released per year or many ways to process waste and polluted water. Obviously, these high-load tasks require several supports, fees (ở đây bạn dùng fee of global citizens mình thấy sao sao á) and responsibilities of global citizens.

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sao mở bài discussion lại đưa ra ý kiến cá nhân của mình,
theo dạng này mình tưởng người việt không nói quan điểm của mình mà phân tích quan điểm đôi lập....

Answer 3

From the evidence of both rich and poor countries, environmental issues like pollution are becoming increasingly serious. Some people say that these problems are too great that they cannot be addressed by individuals whereas others claim that the people can puts their efforts in alleviating the issues. In the scope if this essay, I will discuss about both of these ideas.

To commence, I agree that the government, for example, has the power that can solve the problems more easily. Firstly, they could encourage people to use public transports to keep the environment clean. In Vietnam, a large number of campaigns have been launched to raise the public awareness about the serious issues, making buses the most commonly-used transport to many citizens. Secondly, the government could introduce stricter laws to limit the level of carbon dioxide released or waste materials discharged into the environment, which forces companies to produce more environmently friendly products.

However, we should never overlook the other side of the coin which is that individual attitudes toward the environment are pivotal as well. Modern citizens tend to choose to drive to work rather than ride or take buses. It is obvious that private cars produce a huge amount of car exhaust into the atmosphere, making the situation even worse. In addition, being unconscious of the importance of protecting the ecosystems, many individuals and businesses have been discharging their waste materials whenever they consider convenient.  For instance, when striving to maximize their turnover rates, numerous immoral business owners let their companies to generate poisonous waste in places nearby without necessary treatments, causing serious pollution for hundreds of years. In order to alleviate the issues, individuals also have to become more protective to the environment.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that not only the government and organizations should put their efforts in reducing the problems, but individuals have to solve the environmental issue in their own ways as well.

Comments

From the evidence of both rich and poor countries, environmental issues like pollution are becoming increasingly serious. Some people say that these problems are too --> so great that they cannot be addressed by individuals whereas others claim that the people can puts their efforts in alleviating the issues. In the scope if this essay, I will discuss about both of these ideas.

To commence, I agree that the government, for example, has the power that can solve the problems more easily. Firstly, they could encourage people to use public transports to keep the environment clean. In Vietnam, a large number of campaigns have been launched to raise the public awareness about the serious issues, making buses the most commonly-used transport to many citizens. Secondly, the government could introduce stricter laws to limit the level of carbon dioxide released or waste materials discharged into the environment, which forces companies to produce more environmently friendly products.

However, we should never overlook the other side of the coin which is that individual attitudes toward the environment are pivotal as well. Modern citizens tend to choose to drive to work rather than ride or take buses. It is obvious that private cars produce a huge amount of car exhaust into the atmosphere, making the situation even worse. In addition, being unconscious of the importance of protecting the ecosystems, many individuals and businesses have been discharging their waste materials whenever they consider convenient.  For instance, when striving to maximize their turnover rates, numerous immoral business owners let their companies to generate poisonous waste in places nearby without necessary treatments, causing serious pollution for hundreds of years. In order to alleviate the issues, individuals also have to become more protective to the environment.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that not only the government and organizations should put their efforts in reducing the problems, but individuals have to solve the environmental issue in their own ways as well.

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Còn chỗ nào cần tốt hơn nữa không hở bác TT

Answer 4

Serious concerns about natural conditions have been happening to every species over the world. Our behaviour towards nature has affected the environment. Thus, although some people argue that the environmental problems are not their responsibility, I would rather believe that to solve the issues is duty of each individual.

On the one hand, it is clear that some actions require expertise and professional knowledge. Takers must have been educated and instructed carefully in order to perform them. For instance, not everyone is capable of transforming greenhouse gas into useful and harmless sources or to make progress of recycling used facilities. Moreover, dealing with such problems is a long term process. It could last for years or even decades. Unless experts are persistent and patient, they will soon give up their work. Therefore, it is uneasy for everyone to take action to cure these complications.

Contrariwise, protecting the environment or particularly own surroundings is expectable and pressing. As long as not all human beings can sort out some expert methods, doing or persuading others to do handy things is wholly feasible. For instance, instead of littering untidily in public places or into water (it is illegal in some countries), keeping the areas clean is more anticipatory. Moreover, governments nowadays convince their citizens to use public transport or green sources which can provide electricity, energy, etc. These may help reduce greenhouse gas emission into environment. According to knowledge and experience we gain, we can become natural protectors in our own way and by taking our own actions.

In conclusion, no matter who we are, we are surely able to prevent our life from being polluted by neither considerable nor easy feats we perform because environmental problems are responsibility not only of scientists or environmentalists but of every human being in the world.

Answer 5

(293 words)
 

Perhaps the environmental degradation has never been as clear as it is now. Individuals solely therefore can do little to cope with such problem, according to some people. However, other people adopt an opposing viewpoint and believe that individuals can address the environmental issues. My view is that both countries and citizens worldwide should collaborate to tackle environmental problems effectively, instead of working individually for inconsistent targets.      

The deterioration of the environment is unarguably more and more serious. It should be noted that the impact of environmental problems can be on the global scale since pollutants are transportable. For example, a stream polluted by pesticides released from cultivation is likely to bring these toxic chemicals to many other streams in many other countries. Because environmental problems are too rife for individuals to solve, some people seem to give up all their hopes.

Being more optimistic, other people oppose to the preceding discussion and tend to believe that there are several ways for individuals to minimize pollution. Using environmental friendly products, recycling cans and papers, and reduce household wastes can be cited as examples. They hope that this global issue will be completely solved by individuals in the years ahead.

Admittedly, individual actions will be a drop in the ocean if the government doesn’t share any appropriate responsibility for it. Thanks to financial support coming from the government, there are not only modern techniques will be used but also international agreement will be signed used to preserve our biosphere.

From what has been discussed, one can conclude that the government all around the world and each individual of a community should go hand in hand to minimize pollution. It is worth re-emphasizing that ordination is the key to dealt with the environmental issues effectively.

 

Answer 6

Environment seems to be one of the most controversial issues in the current globe. While many people consider that this problem is out of control to be tackled thoroughly by individuals, i believe that when making every effort, human can alleviate this environmental deterioration.

There are several reasons coming mainly from human's consciousness and action. Throwing rubbish away on the ground in high frequency is considered as bad habit from past to present. It is undeniably that exhaust fumes from vehicles and gas emissions from industries increasingly produced lead to global warming. Besides, contaminant discharged into rivers and sea from a couple of factories cause polluted water alarmingly.

On the one hand, governments play an important role in addressing thish threat by applying some effective methods. In the first way, authorities should create and take place "green campaign" programme two or three times a year for the purpose of raising citizen's self-consciousness in keeping their local areas clean and clear. In the second way, goverments could introduce laws to limit emission and oblige industries to utilize renewable energy sources from solar, wind or water power. They could also impose "green taxes" on drivers and airline companies. In the other method, they must punish heavily immoral individuals and organizations who devastate natural forest as well as ecosystem.

On the other hand, each individuals seems to be a pivotal factor in saving the environment from harm. A simple action but significant sense as putting rubbish in the dustbins or right places need to be emphasized. Besides, you could choose products with less packaging or make use of environmentally friendly bags when going to supermarkets. Furthermore, using social transport rather than drive yourself is one of the most benificial measures. Not only does it maintain the upper atmosphere clean but it can also keep your safe from risk of accidents.

To sum up, i strongly believe that individuals should play their part under the government's direction in looking after environment. Especially, every proposed methods need to carried out from top to bottom to get positive results.

Comments

Xin lỗi mọi người vì k có mạng nên mình phải hì hụi gõ điện thoại. Khi trình bày mình có trình bày bố cục 5 phần róc ràng mà. K hiểu sao lúc post lên lại bị thành 1 đoạn dài nvậy. Hic.