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Đề: some people believe that immigrants should adopt culture of the country they emigrate to. Others think immigrants should be allowed to preserve their own culture. What is your opinion ?
 
Immigrants have become increasingly ubiquitous because of working and studying demand as a preferential reasons. A number of immigrants cannot avoid culture shock when living in a new nation. Therefore, it is very neccessary to adopt the culture of the new country but at the same time immigrants shoud have responsibility to preserve their own homeland' culture because of some essential reasons. 
 
There are a range of aspects in culture of a nation but immigrants should adopt only 3 sides to have surely a convinient life in abroad. These 3 aspects are language, way of living, and working style. 
Being proficient language of their chosen country helps them communicate to everyone easily. As a result, they will recieve a variety of advantages in their work, study and life. That language barrier is destroyed also creates an intimate relationship between people from many diffirent countries. 
Two more cutural aspects immigrants cannot dismiss are way of living and working style. Understanding clearly 2 these sides will not proke immigrants become strangers to natives. Natives will tolerant immigrant easily because they and immigrants have the same style in working and living. Immigrant who is used to new way of living and working will make a good impression on native around him such as neighbors, co-workers, classmates and so on, which brings happiness and convenience to his life. 
 
However, immigrants should simultaneously preserve their own culture. 
It is wrong that all aspect of one particular culture is suitable to another one. Take sex culture as an example. Western culture consider sex as an vital part in society but Eastern one regard sex as a immoral behaviour. They should be just open to aspects which is suitable to their own culture.
Preserving culture when living in oversea is a way of showing patroilism, contributes to speard culture and receives respect from native dwellers. 
Take Chinese as an example. When Chinese live in oversea, they always communicate to outsiders in language of nation they are living but they speak Chinese to their family members so that they will never forget their mother tongue. Chinese immigrants have created Chinese towns in many parts all around the world, they still held traditional festivals such as Lunar new year,.. in abroad. Chinese traditional festivals always draw attention of natives because they helps them know more about Chinese culture and native citizens aslo express their respect to Chinese because Chinese always remember their original point.
 
Immigrants should only adopt cultural sides of the new nation which brings advantages to their life, their work and their study in abroad. They should still preverse their own culture as a responsibility to their country. 
 
 
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3 Answers

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Các luận điểm của bạn mình thấy khá khách quan và phong phú nhưng mình nghĩ cũng ko nhất thiết sau mỗi luận điểm cần một VD minh họa ban à.Band:7.0
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Bài của bạn idea khá tốt, tuy nhiên hơi dài (hơn 440 từ), như vậy đi thi sẽ có nguy cơ thiếu thời gian rất cao:

1 số lỗi ngữ pháp và diễn đạt chưa rõ ý:

Being proficient language of their chosen country helps them communicate to everyone easily. (con người không thể being proficient language được, helps them to communicate with...)

Understanding clearly 2 these sides (these two side) - bạn không nên viết số khi đi thi.

1 số lỗi dấu chấm dấu phẩy không đúng vị trí..

consider sex as an vital part in society but Eastern one regard sex as a immoral behaviour. (lỗi a/an lẫn lộn)

 

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1. Preserve thay bằng maintain hay protect để tránh lỗi lặp từ với đề

2. patroilism => patriotism

Idea bạn rất tốt, vocabulary is great but the essay is too long, it may cause wasting time.

anyways, band score 10 :))))))

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