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TOPIC task 2 của tuần này 06/06/2015 :

Some people prefer to provide help or support directly to the local community. Others prefer to give money to national or international charitable organizations.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Hướng dẫn sử dụng trong top Chữa đề IELTS hàng tuần:

Step 1: Click  ở cuối mỗi bài viết được post lên trong top để nhận xét bài viết của các mem khác (ưu tiên những bài chưa có góp ý nào nhé ^^ )

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Hạn chót nộp bài sẽ là 12h trưa sáng thứ 7 tuần này nhé :)

Have fun !

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0 phiếu
Many people prefer to do charity or help straight to the local community. But others would like to support the national or international charitable organizations. This essay will discuss about the two ways people are tend to do when they come to charity.

 

Firstly, there are a lot of people in the world have kindness and always found out how could they support for the community which could be the national community, state community or the local community. These communities are for children, teenagers, or maybe homeless and poor people. Because they don’t have a large budgets so they would receive any help or support as a gift. The main reason that people go to these communities because it’s in their living area and they have familiar with that. Some people believe that to do favor not just make a grateful change or give the human a better life. Charity could be the smallest thing you do, but it must come from people who has a sweet heart and kindness.

 

The second is, others people prefer to take their money to the nation or international charitable foundations. It is another way of making kindness things that help people who are homeless and pour, some of them are children without parents. People who do it this way could be a rich people, a business an or a merchant, because they finally could find out the way to use their money. Most important, it is not a waste, but it is a helpful things that would save more people than they could imagine. There are a lot of popular people have always shown their kindness for charity by donate lot of money to other foundations or oven some make their own foundations. It is all helpful and not money for nothing, but only rich people do it this way, because when it comes to a national organizations they would donate a lot of moneys. Therefore, rich people do it their way but normal people could help others too by the easier way.

 

Human are always have kindness to help each other no matter who are they and where do they come from. Therefore, they design many ways for people who have kindness to do charity to donate money for others who did not have a proper life with enough basic needs. People could choose both ways to give help to others people, it all depends on your budgets and most importantly your heart, the heart of kindness and love.

 

Mong mọi người góp ý! Xin cảm ơn

http://scholarshipplanet.info/check/3107/people-prefer-provide-support-directly-local-community-others-prefer-money-national
Rating: 2.27
đã góp ý bởi (5 điểm)
Bài bạn dài quá, rơi tầm hơn 400 words. Nếu đi thi chỉ sợ không đủ thời gian viết
it's in their living area and they ARE/ Have been familiar with that
+1 phiếu

Đây là bài viết của mình, các bạn góp ý cho mình với :)                

                It is considered by some that participating some local charities is a sound choice while there are others who deem that rendering money to internal and external aid organizations can tackle more problems. Included in this essay are some factual analysis and my own opinion.

            On the one hand, the preponderance of direct support is that benefactors can assist the needy who live in their own community. In other words, that the repercussion of donating money directly can be easily seen indubitably bolsters donors’ belief. However, there are some problems that might not be tackled by local charitable organizations. Take the environmental issue for example. Due to water contamination, in many urban areas, citizens  are facing acute water shortage, which needs government’s involvement.

            On the other hand, the predominant reason why national and international aid organizations are becoming prevalent is related to their large-scale purposes. It is alleged that through these charity foundations, benefactors can help those who live in disease-ridden slums with their pittance, and simultaneously contribute to erasing illiteracy. One of the most renowned universal seat of charity is World Literacy Foundation. Nevertheless, the biggest problem of indirect monetary support is that donors can be suffered from charity scams. Rationally, there are many illegal charity foundations established with the purpose of pocketing people’s money or other valuable items.

            By way of conclusion, with above listed things, I would contend that both two kinds of charitable organizations have merits and demerits. Therefore, I strongly believe that if donors scrutinize aid organizations before supporting the needy, they will avoid charity fraud.

(261 words)

Rating: 7.85
đã góp ý bởi (48 điểm)
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It is considered by some that participating in some local charities is a sound choice, while there are others who deem that rendering providing money to internal and external aid organizations can tackle more problems. Included in this essay are some factual analyseis and my own opinion.

            On the one hand, the preponderance benefit of direct support is that benefactors can assist the needy who live in their own community. In other words, the fact that the repercussion of donating money directly can be easily seen indubitably bolsters donors’ beliefs. However, there are some problems that might not be tackled by local charitable organizations. Take the environmental issue, for example. Due to water contamination, in many urban areas, citizens  are  facing acute water shortages, which needs the  government’s involvement.

            On the other hand, the predominant reason why national and international aid organizations are becoming prevalent is related to their large-scale purposes. It is alleged that through these charity foundations, benefactors can help those who live in disease-ridden slums with their pittancedonations, and simultaneously contribute to erasing illiteracy. One of the most renowned universal seat of charitycharity groups is the World Literacy Foundation. Nevertheless, the biggest problem of indirect monetary support is that donors can be suffered fromvictims of charity scams. Rationally, there are many illegal charity foundations established with the purpose of pocketing people’s money or other valuable items.

            By way of conclusion, with the above listed thingsitems, I would contend that both two kinds of charitable organizations have merits and demerits. Therefore, I strongly believe that if donors scrutinize aid organizations before supporting the needy, they will avoid charity fraud.

Task achievement- 6

Coherence and cohesion- 6.5

Lexical resource- 7

Grammatical range and accuracy- 6

Comment:

Nevertheless, the biggest problem of indirect monetary support is that donors can be suffered fromvictims of charity scams. Rationally, there are many illegal charity foundations established with the purpose of pocketing people’s money or other valuable items.

Trong đoạn này, donors là danh từ chỉ người, vì vậy mình không dùng bị động với suffer ( và động từ này cũng không được sử dụng ở dạng bị động). Thay vì vậy, có thể dùng cụm victims of  để thay thế.

            By way of conclusion, with the above listed thingsitems, I would contend that both two kinds of charitable organizations have merits and demerits

Things là một từ khá chung chung, vì vậy nên hạn chế sử dụng trong văn viết, trong trường hợp này, có thể dùng từ items để thay thế.

Both đã mang nghĩa là cả 2 rồi, nên trong câu trên không cần dùng two nữa.

Cảm ơn bạn đã chữa bài cho mình. Tất cả phần sửa lỗi sai của bạn mình đều đồng ý, ngoại trừ cái preponderance. Mình chưa hiểu sao lại phải thay nó bằng benefit.

theo mình preponderance là sự vượt trội, ưu thế về số lượng; nếu bạn muốn dùng nghĩa là direct support vượt trội hơn cái national thì ko chính xác. Mình cũng thấy ng ta hay dùng benefit của A và benefit của B hơn
Oxford: if there is a preponderance of one type of things in a group, there are more of them than others.

0 phiếu
Humans are all gold hearted, but they tend to express it in different ways. It is not strange that some prefer being volunteers, others send money to charitable organizations. Both have benefits as below.
 
On one hand, many people like doing charitable activities such as: "race for the autism" " bring supplies for foster homes" or "festive time for poor children" because they give them a good pleasure of having done the right job. A lot of people find actions more meaningful than donating money only. They believe that doing such gives them joy of being helpful annd bring good luck to the unfortunates. Therefore, many associations have created annual charitable activities and have received thousatnds of voluntary. A great benefit is that anyone, either wealthy or not could participate freely. This is why many people, knowing they aren't rich enough, would devote themselves to lend a hand. Some donate old clothes and toys, others enter races to raise money. 
 
On the other hand,  some other people prefer giving money to international charitable organizations. These people are often the rich and famous. Rich bussinessmen tend to create their own foundations and provide millions of dollars each year, while famous people try to encourage others by handing out charity-purpose products. Katy Perry, a famous singer has been making many charity tours, while Mark Zuckerberg - who created the popular social network Facebook donates  a hundred million dollar each year to save schools. This also give them reputations, but mainly an image for others to follow.
 
To my opinion, I would prefer being a volunteer. One of the obvious reason is that my economical state is low. Another point which leds me to the first choice is about trust. Recently, world news announced that a member of FIFA embezzled money that was sent for the Haiti Foundation. I realized the risk of sending money to any associations, even the international ones which sounds prestige.
 
To conclude, I believe that people have many ways to show their care for each other, but it is highly reccomended to choose which way wisely.
 
Đây là bài của mình, mọi người chữa cho mình nha :)
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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Đây là bài góp ý của mình, do mình mới học IELTS nên mong mọi ng giúp đỡ nếu có sai sót. Thank you!!

   The question of whether people should provide help or support directly to the local community or give money to national or international charitable organizations is a very controversial issue and it is now a matter of considerable public concern. There are, therefore, people on both sides of the debate who have feelings either for or against.

  On the one hand, it is argued by some people that want to give money to national or cosmopolitant charitable organizations. First of all, it was a large-scale for charity. People always want to give they support as many places as they can and this method can help them send money to a lot of areas or countries. Another point to mention is that the donation of finance to international charitable organizations can bring to good reputation. Obviously, it is easy to see that when people do incredible thing and evoke the humanism, it makes others admire and was showed on TV, news, magazine.

   Yet those who are oppose to such a view would contend that providing help or support directly to the local community. To begin with, helping or supporting to provincial community is practical more than giving money. Undoubtedly, when benefactors give money to charitable organizations, it cannot be send to where the people need it or use for personal purpose. A further point worth taking into account is that people in that local who want their place to become better will do this job. Admiitedly, it is happier to live in regional which have high living and inhabitants live in harmony, does not have criminal.

  In conclusion, I agree with the idea that people should help directly to the local community. It is important to understand that it is easier, practical to do and everyone can do it even children.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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0 phiếu
In recently, many people prefer to do charity and support ditrectly to the local community. Others prefer to provide their money to national or international charitable organizations. In this essay, i will take more deatailed to look at both views and show my personal opinion.
On the one hand, some people would rather charity straight to local community than donate their money to national or international charitable organizations. Firstly, i think the main reason people go to these community because it is close to them so it is easy to get there. For example, when they have some leftovers in their dinner and they want to help somebody but they do not want to go far , so they go to the local community.Secondly, people belive that they can do more than donate their money when they go to local community . In fact, that is true , poor and homeless people can get more help in local community, they can find clothes ,  food . However , there are some issues that local community cannot help. For example, unemployment problem which needs government to take action.
On the other hand, some people prefer to give money to national or international charitable organizations.I believe the main reason is they think these charity organizations have bigger influence and radical solution. These communities can help people to find their job , furthermore they can help buy house and find their lives back. Nevertheless, the biggest problem of this solution is donors can be scams in order to take their money . 
In conclusion, i belive people have many way to show their love and care to the community some prefer being volunteers, others send money to charitable organizations. However, both have benefits and disadvantages so it is reccomended to choose which way wisely.
Các bạn chấm luôn giùm mình được không ạ , mình sắp đi thi ielts r sợ quá , cx chả biết sức viết đc đến đâu 
Rating: 4.50
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Phần Introduction của bạn cần sử dụng những synonyms thay vì nhắc lại y hệt như đề bài. Dùng synonyms sẽ giúp bài của bạn cao điểm hơn :v
thực ra tớ nghĩ bài này đc 5.0 đấy, nhưng chả cứ chấm thấp thấp hơn tý cho bạn có thêm động lực ^^
cố gắng hơn nha
good luck! :)
0 phiếu

It cannot be deniable that social security is vital issue which many nations particularly concern about. Many believe that people should aid straight residents who are in difficult circumstances; but some argue for raising money for national or global charities. In my opinion, I partly argee with both of above statements

On the one hand, many suppose that giving priority to the local community is a practical solution to resolve the social security issue. With a limited charity fund, they cannot afford to help poor households worldwide out of poverty immediately. Instead of this, thay can make contribution to the place where they live. If each region has the local charitable organizations, the social security problem will be solved rapidly

On the other hand, it is sometimes argued that the global problem is more important than the local one. Many believe that people should not only regard for the benefits of their own place, but also become a good glocal citizens and have a responsibility to build up the world more perfect. Therefore, the national or international charities is indispensable in today's society

In my opinion, what we need to give high emphasis on is the meaning these groupings bring to. Each type of organization has its own purpose and aims for different community. Therefore, people need to pay more attention to range of charitable organizations as long as they are benefical for society

In conclusion, people across the nations should solve the social security issue together by supporting types of charitable organizations

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0 phiếu

Nowadays, many people prefer to support charities that are working in their own communities, while the others  believe that they should  support charities that work internationally. In my opinions, both of these approaches have own advantages and disadvantages.

  Supporting local charities is great!  Nothing can substitute for direct involvement with a charitable group. The work of such charities often seems more concrete.  You can see it.  Your neighbors or your community as a whole may be directly benefiting from their work.  It may be easier to learn about the work of local charities because it is highlighted in a local newspaper, or someone you know may work with the group.  You can work with the group and develop the kind of insight that only comes with close involvement. It is the essence of  Vietnam volunteerism: people coming together to help other people in their own communities. 
    But keep in mind that some problems that charities confront aren't easy to tackle at the local level.  Take the problem of air pollution for example.  Often, some of the air pollution experienced in one area is at least partly generated in another area and carried by prevailing winds.  Or water problems are caused by pollution from upstream.  To deal with problems such as these may require a regional or national approach.  A local group working on its own may not be able to have much impact on such problems. Therefore, supporting national or international charitable organizations  is important to solve the global issues. However, all charities in this service must have combined fund-raising and administrative costs. So there are much chances of corruption. Money of the sponsors might be used for personal purposes of charity boards.

    In conclusion, supporting local people and donating to large charities are both commendable as means of humanitarian aids and we should try to help as many people as possible.

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