Discuss the differences between the way of life in your country now and the way of life in the past
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Life has changed significantly for recently years in my country, especially life way.

About ten years ago, people had difficulties in transportation. Some streets, highways and even bridges were not built at that time, so everybody wasted more time to travel than now because they had to go around or wait for a boat to cross the river. In addition, social service transportation was not popular such as bus as well. Therefore, going such a distance was a huge problem with finance. Nowadays, people can go anywhere with lower cost thank to cheap service transportation and shorter way.

In the past, environmental issue was not considered as an important problem to the Earth. Factories did not be constructed serially back then. Thus, public awareness was not raised. But now, people are more conscious. They do not throw trash, turn off electric appliance when not using and teach their descendant to keep our surround world clean. These are positive habit and should be develop through time.

One major shift that must be mentioned is the Internet. Now is the era of information. Life is easier and faster now. People’s habits have changed a lots. We communicate rapidly and easily by means of the e-mail instead of writing a letter. We purchase products online without going to the market. We look up for materials, books, newspapers etc just by a few key words. Internet modifies our hobbies, too. People now entertain and rest more because of useful and relaxing applications. Children do not go to the park and play outside anymore, they love to be at home playing video games instead. That results in many kids have their eyes problem very early.  Fortunately, medical still develop along technology. However, we should not encourage this phenomenon.

Anyways, I still love this modern era. Luckily my country has developed overtime. But in my opinion, I think people should balance positive-side and negative-side of this new time so as we live healthily and conveniently together.
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3 Answers

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Mình có một chút nhận xét cho bạn nhé:

- Nhìn tổng thể bài của bài bạn khá là cohesion rồi đấy, ý tưởng rất tốt và cũng mạch lac nữa.

- Tuy nhiên,xem xét chi tiết thì mistakes lớn nhất của bạn chính là lỗi ngữ pháp khá nhiều. Ví dụ như câu này "others emphasize...skills". 2 động từ liên tiếp, bạn nên thêm mệnh đề quan hệ phía sau major function of university THAT/WHICH  is...Lỗi mệnh đề bạn lặp lại khá nhiều nên nếu mình là người chấm thi cũng rất dẽ nhận ra, do vậy có thể ảnh hưởng đến kết quả của bạn nhé. Thêm ví dụ nữa trong bài của bạn nhé "in addition, workers do not get job-related skills difficult....result. Caaunayf bạn đáng ra nên viết là "workers WHO do not...ARE difficult to ..."

- Lỗi thứ 2 xuất hiện cũng khá nhiều là lỗi chia động từ , ví dụ sau pay attention to Ving nhé chứ không phải V không. What will happen? chứ không phải là what will be happen?

- Một số động từ không được sử dụng chính xác: choose chứ không phải choice, recruit chứ k phải là recuit, more difficult chứ không phải là dificult nhé.

- Một điểm nữa mà theo mình nhiều người không mấy quan tâm đến là dấu câu ( nhưng cái này lại rất được coi trọng bởi người chấm IELTS). Trong bài của bạn chủ yếu là mệnh đề quan hệ không hạn định( không dùng dấu phẩy) nhưng bạn hầu như đều dung. Do đó, hãy chú ý hơn với những bài viết lần sau nhé,

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Nhìn chung bài viết của bạn quan điểm mạch lạc,rõ ràng.Tuy nhiên, mình có 1 số góp ý như sau:

 

Life has changed significantly for recently years in my country, especially life way. Đây là 1 bài essay nên phần introduction này phải là 1 đoạn, không chỉ viết 1 câu như thế này

About ten years ago, people had difficulties in transportation. Some streets, highways and even bridges were not built at that time, so everybody wasted more time to travel than now because they had to go around or wait for a boat to cross the river. In addition, social servicepublic(2 danh từ cạnh nhau mình thấy không ổn) transportation was not popular such as bus as well. Therefore, going such a distance was a huge problem with finance. Nowadays, people can go anywhere with lower cost thanks to cheap service transportationtransportable services and shorter way.


In the past, environmental issue was not considered as an important problem to the Earth. Factories did not be constructed serially back then. ThusPlus, public awareness was not raised. But now, people are more conscious. They do not throw trash, turn off electric appliance when not using and teach their descendant to keep our surroundsurrounding world clean. These are positive habits and should be developed through time.

One major shift that must be mentioned is the Internet. Now is the era of information. Life is easier and faster now. People’s habits have changed a lots. We communicate rapidly and easily by means of the e-mail instead of writing a letter. We purchase products online without going to the market. We look up for materials, books, newspapers etc just by a few key words. Internet modifies our hobbies, too. People now entertain and rest more because of useful and relaxing applications. Children do not go to the park and play outside anymore, they love to be at home playing video games instead. That results in many kids have their eyes problem very early.  Fortunately, medical still develop along technology. However, we should not encourage this phenomenon.

Anyways, I still love this modern era. Luckily my country has developed overtime. But in my opinion, I think people should balance positive-side and negative-side of this new time so as we live healthily and conveniently together.

by
2 points
0 votes
0 votes

Life has changed significantly for recently years in my country, especially life way. Đây là 1 bài essay nên phần introduction này phải là 1 đoạn, không chỉ viết 1 câu như thế này

About ten years ago, people had difficulties in transportation. Some streets, highways and even bridges were not built at that time, so everybody wasted more time to travel than now because they had to go around or wait for a boat to cross the river. In addition, social servicepublic(2 danh từ cạnh nhau mình thấy không ổn) transportation was not popular such as bus as well. Therefore, going such a distance was a huge problem with finance. Nowadays, people can go anywhere with lower cost thanks to cheap service transportationtransportable services and shorter way.


In the past, environmental issue was not considered as an important problem to the Earth. Factories did not be constructed serially back then. ThusPlus, public awareness was not raised. But now, people are more conscious. They do not throw trash, turn off electric appliance when not using and teach their descendant to keep our surroundsurrounding world clean. These are positive habits and should be developed through time.

One major shift that must be mentioned is the Internet. Now is the era of information. Life is easier and faster now. People’s habits have changed a lots. We communicate rapidly and easily by means of the e-mail instead of writing a letter. We purchase products online without going to the market. We look up for materials, books, newspapers etc just by a few key words. Internet modifies our hobbies, too. People now entertain and rest more because of useful and relaxing applications. Children do not go to the park and play outside anymore, they love to be at home playing video games instead. That results in many kids have their eyes problem very early.  Fortunately, medical still develop along technology. However, we should not encourage this phenomenon.

Anyways, I still love this modern era. Luckily my country has developed overtime. But in my opinion, I think people should balance positive-side and negative-side of this new time so as we live healthily and conveniently together.

by
151 points

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