bài ielts task 2. Health : In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.

Question

In the present age, in addition to the improvement of the world, there is a sharp increase in the number of elderly people in many developed and developing countries which has had significant impacts on the growth of those countries. In my perspective, population aging has both benefits and drawbacks but the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

          On the one hand, the rise of life expectancy has two major positive consequences. To begin with, it is obviously that older people have more experiences and acquire a larger amount of knowledge than the younger generation.  Therefore, they have excellent leadership and are the most reliable person in charge of a country’s crucial decisions and missions. Secondly, the appearance of an aging population creates opportunities for businesses to improve and expand by providing services for the elderly such as nursing homes, healthcare services. Thus, it leads to an important economic growth.

          On the other hand, there are several dangers associated with the increased number of elderly people and here are three remarkable drawbacks. Firstly, the population aging influences terribly on the labor productivity of certain companies. For example, because the elderly have health limitations, they cannot work at high intensity to speed up the product manufacturing process. Hence, the revenues of such firms will fall, and the country's development would be slowed. Moreover, the government is under financial strain because of social security benefits for the old people, as well as the influence on national security as there are not enough strong youngster to defend the country’s border areas and fight the enemy if conflicts occur. Therefore, the explosion of elderly population is not only affects seriously the economy but also the society and security of a country.

          In conclusion, while elderly people offer certain economic benefits, they are also those who create unexpected matters for a country’s growth. I'm wondering if the governments of each country should come up with solutions to cope with this problem.

Answer 1

"In the present age, in addition to the improvement of the world, there is a sharp increase in the number of elderly people in many developed and developing countries which has had significant impacts on the growth of those countries."

 

This sentence is written in 40 words, which is VERY confusing to me. Anyway, I should point out some issues with your sentence. When you say "in the present age", you are setting up a context of the modern world where the rest of your sentence is driven by it, so "in addition to the improvement of the world" might be redundant.

 

Let's look at the rest of your sentence. It is grammatical, but you can make it better by shortening it with no or little loss in meaning. I would suggest you another version and I think that it might be better in a way:

 

"Today, there is an increasing number of elderly people in many countries, along with its significant impacts on economic growth."

 

There is a point in making your sentences as short/long as needed since you can make it easier for people to read, and also for you to place grammar under control, of course. Remember that this can surely apply to the rest of your essay.