Title 5: Some people believe that advertisements encourage us to buy things that may not really need. Others think that advertising improve our lives. What is your opinion ?

Question

Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about advertisements encourage us to buy unnecessary things. While others believe that advertising may improve our lives. In my view, I strongly agree with the latter view for the following reasons.

First, it is obvious that advertisements are ideal ways to present products to the customers. This is because of not only its convenience but also its significance. This means that advertising works are fast and effective ways to convey the meaning of products to consumers. Moreover, advertisements bring entertainment and raise people’s awareness. For example, Coca-Cola advertisements introduce and demonstrate eco-friendly and healthy products to inhabitants with creative and picturesque images. Besides, advertising activities bring huge profits to the government.

On the other hand, those who harbor the opposite view believe that advertising works make inhabitants purchase inessential products. Actually, sometimes, productive promotion brings intricate inducements to consumers with inappropriate things which are often forsaken in their house. For instance, my mother is keen on seeing advertisements on television. Occasionally, she brings a dozens of appliances including vacuum cleaners, while my house seems to be unsuitable with this machine inasmuch as the house is such a small space that we can sweep the floor off by a besom.

In the nutshell, advertisements are beneficial and detrimental itself. Nevertheless, the public should be conscious of their requirements to prevent them from buying non-essential things.

Answer 1

Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about advertisements encourage us to buy unnecessary things. --> Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about advertisements which encourage us to buy unnecessary things.

First-> Firstly 

For instance, my mother is keen on seeing advertisements on television. I think you should use watching

Answer 2

Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about advertisements encouraging us to buy unnecessary things, while others believe that advertising may improve our lives. I strongly agree with the latter view for the following reasons.

First, it is obvious that advertisements are ideal ways to present products to the customers. This is not only because of the convenience but also the significance. This means that advertising works in fast and effective ways to convey the meaning and usefulness of products to consumers. Moreover, advertisements bring entertainment and raise people’s awareness. For example, Coca-Cola advertisements introduce and demonstrate eco – friendly and healthy products to consumers with creative and picturesque images. Besides, advertising practices can bring huge profits to the government.

On the other hand, those who harbor the opposite view believe that advertising practices make consumers purchase inessential products. Actually, sometimes productive promotion coerces consumers to purchase inappropriate things which are often unneeded in their house. For instance, my mother is keen on seeing advertisements on television. Occasionally, she buys a dozens of appliances including vacuum cleaners, while my house seems to be unsuitable for this machine as the house is such a small place that we can sweep the floor off by a besom.

In a nutshell, advertisements are beneficial and detrimental in separate ways. Nevertheless, the public should be conscious of their own personal requirements to prevent them from buying non – essential things.
 

Gop y:

-       Inhabitant: là người định cư, sinh sống, trong bài viết này hoàn toàn không phù hợp, nên thay bằng consumers

-       Rút gọn mệnh đề quan hệ trong câu hoặc thêm liên từ vào, vì trong một câu không thể có 2 động từ cho cùng 1 chủ ngữ mà không có liên từ (an increasing number of people are concerned about advertisements encouraging us to buy unnecessary things)

-       Khi đưa ra 2 quan điểm của vấn, nên đặt 2 quan điểm ấy vào cùng 1 câu (Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about advertisements encouraging us to buy unnecessary things while others believe that advertising may improve our lives)