When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Question

Nowadays, to connect to other countries, each country need to develope its technology. There is an opinion that althoght the increasingly technology makes a country wealthier, it rejects some essentially traditional value. I totally agree with this opinion because of two reasons below.

To begin with, the development of technology leads to industrialize.More and more factories are built, they replace the villages, field, cause the loss of agriculture. For examples, young people are no longer interested in growing rice they want to leave their village to come to big cities or work on industrial zones because if they stay in the country, they will not have chance to reach a modern life and have more money. Therefore, land for farming drops out rapidly causing the loss of agricultural experience or traditionally festivals. Furthermore, the development of technology brings illegal things, such as drug to young people, causes negative effect on them.

Secondly, developing technology causes society more complicated, vital moralities such as integrity, altruism are being taken for granted. People become more selfish, they only think for themselves. Companies can use illegal tricks to win, to beat their competitors. Young people are easily attractive by money, they take part in bad companies, do unlawful things for examples murder or rob.

 

In conclusion, technology plays a vital role in people life. Techological inventions helps people work easily such as computer or smart phone, relax after working hard. Therefore, people are increasingly denpendent on technology. It causes the difficulty in preserving the traditional skills or lifestyle.

Answer 1

Ý kiến cá nhân mình nha bạn
-Task response 3: Intro bạn nêu dc í kiến của bạn đối với đề bài nhưng 2 câu mở intro mình thấy nó chẳng liên quan gì cả. Nửa đoạn đầu body 1 thì luận điểm của bạn hợp lí, nhưng từ khúc 'land for farming...' thì mình không hiểu í của bạn nữa. Đến đoạn 2 thì bạn có vẻ đi lạc đề, luận điểm của bạn không liên quan gì đến technology cả. Bạn nên plan cái sườn bài kĩ chút nữa.

-Cohesion 3: Bài của bạn í rời rạc, không kết nối với nhau để support quan điểm của bạn.

-Grammar 3.5: Nắm ngữ pháp khá, nhưng không có gì nổi bật để nói lên bạn làm chủ ngôn ngữ

-Lexical resource 3.5: Có sử dụng các từ academic nhưng cần trau chuốt câu từ hơn

Answer 2

Bài bạn bị sai nhiều về ngữ pháp và spelling. Mình sửa một ít dưới này nha:

 

Nowadays, to connect to other countries, each country needs to develope its technology. There is an opinion that althoght the increasingly technology makes a country wealthier, it rejects some essentially traditional values. I totally agree with this opinion because of two reasons below.

To begin with, the development of technology leads to industrialization. More and more factories are built, => ; they replace the villages, field and cause the loss of agriculture. For examples, young people are no longer interested in growing rice. They want to leave their village to come to big cities or work on industrial zones because if they stay in the country, they will not have chance to reach a modern life and have more money. Therefore, land for farming drops out rapidly causing the loss of agricultural experience or traditionally festivals. Furthermore, the development of technology brings illegal things, such as drug to young people, causes negative effect on them.

Secondly, developing technology causes society more complicated, vital moralities such as integrity, altruism are being taken for granted. People become more selfish, they only think for themselves. Companies can use illegal tricks to win, to beat their competitors. Young people are easily attractive by money, they take part in bad companies, do unlawful things for examples murder or rob.

 

In conclusion, technology plays a vital role in people life. Techological inventions helps people work easily such as computer or smart phone, relax after working hard. Therefore, people are increasingly denpendent on technology. It causes the difficulty in preserving the traditional skills or lifestyle.

 

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