Bài IELTS task 2 chủ đề về money! Phiền cả nhà giúp đỡ ạ
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Some people say that money can make life easier and more comfortable. But others say that having a great amount of wealth can bring some problems.

What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of having a lot of money?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Eassay

Most people always wish to get a comfortable and happy life, they believe that money creatives advantage conditions for their lifes better. Others claim having a lot of money contributes on causing social problems, especially teenagers’problems. In my opinion, there is no negative money’s role in modern life now; however it also brings issues affect on development society and economic.

In the mordern world, money is very important. It can be seen that rich have enough conditios to make their life becoming comfortable. They don’t have to afraid about bills; moreover they can travell, joint entertaiment clubs to reduce stress, play or communicate with oters anywhen, anywhere. Getting money also help rich respected and admired. For example there are many billionaires  on the world such as: Bill Gate, Steve… became famous because of making money so much, they are idols over all ages. They get big houses, supper cars and live a life that many people wished.

On other hand, money is reasons causing social evils serious affect on modern life now. The first, drugs is being a global problem, it happens in most nations. According to governments report, there is an increasing in the number of people infected HIV, AISD in recent years, especially developing countries. It candicates that witness is teenagers who living wealth famiilies, their parents only concentrate on earning money so they were decied life by themselves and eassily attracked by bad factors. Goverments paid a big number of money in treatmenting these patients, they are becoming burdens for both society and familyt. In my hometown, there is a rich family got two 2 sons, parents usualy go far to work, so these boys were coddled and both 2 sons infected HIV, their family from rich dropt to the poorest.

In conclusion, money not only helps reached invidual wishes, creatives life better, but aslo causes disadvantages for society and family life.
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4 Answers

3 votes
3 votes

Mình chỉ dám sửa 1 ít lỗi chính tả và ngữ pháp. Cách diễn đạt của bạn cũng có vấn đề nhưng mình chưa đủ trình để đưa ra góp ý thích hợp.

@Admin: Mình viết bằng này chữ mà hệ thống bảo vượt quá 8000 ký tự (trong khi paste vô word thì chỉ khoảng <3000). Mong admin coi lại nhé.

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7 points

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ok, mình sẽ note lại :)
2 votes
2 votes

Bạn dùng hơi nhiều chữ "get" trong bài essay (3 lần). Tuy nhiên, đây không phải là academic words. Nên bạn phải tìm chữ khác thay thế. Ví dụ" Most people always wish to get a comfortable and happy life" bạn có thể thay bằng "Humans always expect to attain a comfortable and carefree life".

Thật ra, bạn brainstorming khá tốt. Nhưng ý hơi lủng cũng, đôi lúc chưa hiểu ý bạn là gì. Chúc bạn thành công hơn ở những bài viết sau

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18 points
1 vote
1 vote

Most people always wish to get a comfortable and happy life, they believe that money creatives advantage conditions for their lifes better. Others claim having a lot of money contributes on causing social problems, especially teenagers’problems. In my opinion, there is no negative money’s role in modern life now; however it also brings issues affect on development society and economic.

In the mordern world, money is very important. It can be seen that richness have enough conditions to make their life become comfortable. They don’t have to afraid about bills; moreover they can travell, join entertaiment clubs to reduce stress, play or communicate with others anywhen, anywhere. Getting money also help rich  respected and admired (men get respect and admiration như thế này câu văn sẽ nhẹ nhàng hơn nhưng mà mình thấy ý này sao sao ấy ^^). For example there are many billionaires  on the world such as: Bill Gate, Steve… became famous because of making money so much, they are idols over all ages. They get big houses, supper cars and live a life that many people wished.

On the other hand, money is a reason causing social evils serious affect on modern life now. The first, drug is being a global problem, it happens in almost nations. According to governments report, there is an increasing in the number of people infected HIV, AISD in recent years, especially developing countries. It candicates that witness is teenagers who living wealth famiilies, their parents only concentrate on earning money so they were decied life by themselves and eassily attracked by bad factors. Goverments paid a big number of money in treatmenting these patients, they are becoming burdens for both society and family. In my hometown, there is a rich family got two 2 sons, parents usualy go far to work, so these boys were coddled and both 2 sons infected HIV, their family from rich dropt to the poorest.( bạn nên đưa ví dụ mang tính popular hơn tí nhá, ex này hơi chủ quan tí ^^, k đủ thuyết phục J)

In conclusion, money not only helps reached invidual wishes, creatives life better, but aslo causes disadvantages for society and family life.( write again and give more information as well as your opinions, ok? J)

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6 points

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cảm ơn góp ý của bạn nhé
–1 vote
–1 vote

bạn nên search thêm một vài từ mang tính academic hơn để làm phong phú thêm bài viết và được thêm điểm về vốn từ. Với lại bên nên dùng từ đồng nghĩa trái nghĩa để tránh lặp từ 

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24 points

2 Comments

Bạn ơi, lần sau bạn nên nhận xét rõ ràng hơn chút xíu nhé :)
Các góp ý kém chất lượng sẽ bị xóa và ban nick ^^
sr lần sau mk sẽ rút kinh nghiệm

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