Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television.

Question

In the modern society, entertainment such as watching a play, concert, or sporting event has become necessary in daily life. It is argued that watching these events directly is more interesting than doing them indirectly.  I personally, however, believe that watching the same programs on T.V would bring more enjoyment.

On the one hand, it is thought that attending a live performance would offer them countless opportunities to make new friends and attain many practical experiences from their daily life, which they cannot get such things from watching T.V.  at home. Furthermore, going out is a good way for them to refresh their tiring mind after doing the same things day after day.  Going to work and then returning home is good example for this.

On the other hand, I am convinced that watching the same events on T.V would bring undeniable benefits. One of the most interesting things is to save time and money. For instance, we do not have to spend too much time travelling to the theaters or places where these events are, or money buying tickets.   Moreover, we could watch these programs comfortably by sitting on a sofa or even lying on it without disturbing other people. Therefore, it is these advantages that make us more satisfied.

By way of conclusion, watching a play, concert, or sporting events is a quite interesting way to entertain us.  Although it is believed that watching them directly is more enjoyable than doing the same indirectly, I would personally prefer watching these events on T.V because of some benefits examined above.

 261 words

Answer 1

-Task response 4-: Personal opinion của bạn không được rõ ràng lắm ở phần intro. Intro bạn có vẻ support watching the programs at home nhưng thân bài của bạn lại là partly argree/disargree. Phần thân bài 2 của bạn nêu cả benefit nhưng đề ko yêu cầu, bạn bị lạc đề chỗ này. Ý tưởng của bạn có liên quan tới để bài nhưng hơi bị đơn giản, mình nghĩ cần expand ideas của bạn ra nữa.

-Cohesion 4: Bạn cần triển khai ý tưởng của bạn ra thêm, nhưng mình có thể hiểu bài bạn khi đọc và có sự trôi chảy trong đó

-Grammar 4.5: Đa phần là đúng ngữ pháp nhưng đơn giản, sử dụng 1 loại câu hơi nhiều

-Lexical resources 4: Từ vựng đơn giản và lặp lại nhiều