Bai IELTS Task 2 ngày 10/1 [closed]

Question

Leaders and directors in an organisation are normally elder people.Some people think younger leader would be better.Do you agree or disagree?

A topical issue over which certain serious concern is expressed today is the fact that leaders and directors in organisation are normally elder people. To put it another way, there is a claim saying that younger leader would be better. Such a statement sounds convincing to a certain extent.

Indeed There are several good points proving the opinion have quite true. One of the most common arguments can be that elder people have a great deal of experience to resolve the solution which are not able to find in book nor school, and thus they always have a huge of  way to deal with the serious problem without spend too much money and time. What is more, their power making a decision are more efficient owning to they are always respected by their colleagues when they are older.

Studying the other side of the argument, there are still people who choose think that younger leader would be better than. In fact their main justification is that the young can learn more quickly the the old in modern technical societies because of their good health and physical, and thus organization fail to cost so much time and money for them to acquire new things. In addition, it is appears true claim that the young who are leading a company or an organisation have a creative idea in order to develop company and attract the interesting of customer.

On balance. It can be maintained that it is not simple at all to determine whether or not there are significant difference in the way the old or young leading a organisation these days. Bases on my own assumption, the answer to the question depend on each ones for obvious difference in manager way between organisation and others.

 

 

Answer 1

Hi :))). It seems to me that ur points are clearly stated, quite easy to follow. But there's something that i think u should reconsider

- ur first sentence seems unnecessarily long and hard to understand. so i suggest u to change it like " a contentious debate has been provoked concerning the current dominance of advanced-age leaders at workplace". Besides, topical doesn't go with issue. so check collocation dict before using it

- sometimes u make ur sentence rather complicated and hard to understand. Like this one  Indeed There are several good points proving the opinion have quite true. i highly recommend u to make topic sentence simple and understandable.

- in second paragraph, u mention some reasons supporting elder pp (i think so) but ur topic sentence is somewhat vague. i had supposed that it was about young leaders util i read the whole paragraph

- try to use a variety of structures :))

- please do proofreading coz ur essay is still grammatically incorrect. plus, there's no "a huge of.." huge is an adj.

Hope that these help :D.

P/S : Are u gonna take ielts? if so, befriend me and we can do some practice together :)). i'm gonna take ielts too

 

Comments

Thank for your comment! . I try to learn for ielts. ! nice to meet you!