Is better for child to grow up in the countryside than in a big city?
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Today, there is an increasing trend in the number of immigrants who move from the rural to the urban working and living. These people try to settle here for their own achievements and their children’s future because they believe that only big cities give the best opportunities for the development of their children. Other people, however, think that it living in the countryside is better for child growth up. Personally, I support the latter idea.

 

There are number of reasons why people advocate child grow up in the big city. The most convincing is that has various studying chances for gifts of children such as art, gymnastics, music, dance, which is good for the long run development of children. Obviously, children cultural houses, children clubs are mushroomed. Language ability is a graphic example. A child was born in Hanoi capital and his parents send him to a bilingual language kindergarten where he can approach directly to native teachers. It is obvious that the ability of language of this child is better than a same aged child living in a small village. Moreover, another reason is that living condition as well as services in town are more superior than that in the countryside. In fact, there are many entertaining centers, parks, food and drink services, especially health care service. The city dweller can be easily and quickly to move their children to the nearest hospital in the emergency situations.

 

On the contrary, other cite argument against the above idea. Firstly, they believe that the countryside is an ideal place for children, especially for their health condition. Ecological environment in the countryside likes water source, atmosphere, foods and space is better than that in the city. For example, a child was born in Lao Cai, a poor province in Vietnam. However, the child breaths fresh air and eat fresh vegetables, fruits and meat every day. As a result, he rarely suffers from some breathing and digestion diseases. Secondly, it is thought that there are less social evils in the rural areas, so parents can control easily their children and clearly, these children tend not to be more naughty and disobedient.

 

In conclusion, growing up in the big city or in the countryside has their own positive sides. However, I personally think that the rural is more ideal for children, especially healthy environment, which is more important than the development of children’s talent.
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3 Answers

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Hi, i think that ur essay is quite good, with ideas stated clearly. But there's something u should reconsider

- ur essay is still grammatically incorrect. Like this one : advocate child grow up... ---> it should be : advocate children growing...

- u have problem with giving examples. it's highly recommended that examples be cited within 1 sentence. So, rather than "For example, a child was born in Lao Cai, a poor province in Vietnam. However, the child breaths fresh air and eat fresh vegetables, fruits and meat every day"   -----> " For instance (u mentioned example above), a child born in rural regions ( i think u needn't be that specific) can daily enjoy fresh air and organic vegetables that can merely be experienced in such areas 

- try to use more different words to avoid repetition. Like the development of children's talent ---> the blossom of...

try collin thesaurus dict, it's really interesting and it's good to find words for replacements :))

Hope that these help

P/S : Are u gonna take ielts? if so, befriend me and we can do some practice together :)). i'm gonna take ielts too

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54 points

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thanks a lots hangvu149 ! Your recommend is really helpful !
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1 vote
I think that you should diversify the way you develop the ideas. In the first paragraph, you took an example and the second one you did it again.
some mistakes
" the urban" - urban is an adjective => urban areas
..think that it living ... => obmit "it"
children clubs => children's clubs
art =>
lexical resource: You can use several more academic words instead
city => metropolitan area
native teachers => indigenous educators
 disobedient=> obstinate
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30 points

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Thanks a lots tuanmox ! But i think " the urban " is the same meaning with "urban area" like "the poor" and "poor people"
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I think that your essay is quite long and the introduction should be shorter than you wrote :D

Your ideas is quite clear and well-organized :D
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5 points

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Thanks a lot Hoa Đào :p

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