It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay

Question

It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city . I agree because of these following reason:
  Firt of all, it has more fresh air than a big city. Children will feel more relaxed after stressful lessons. Not only, they are also delighted in the rice fields.
 Secondly, the cost of living in the countryside is very cheap . So , people in the city often come here to rent or buy to stay during the summer vacation.
 Thirstly, the environment in the countryside is much cleaner than the city. For example, in the countryside has fewer means of transport than the city, environmental pollution in the city is a hot issue of society.
( ad sửa hộ em vs ak với cả nếu được cho em thêm cái kết bài ik ak e cạn ý tưởng oy . Mong ad duyệt!!! )

Answer 1

( IT IS COMMONLY BELIEVED THAT )It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. (FROM MY POINT OF VIEW)I (TOTALLY)agree ( ADVOCATE/ SUBSCRIBE TO)(THIS IDEA) because of these following reason(S)
  Firt (FIRST)of all, it has more fresh air than a big city.( Living in urban areas can give children more fresh and natural atmosphere  than that of rural areas)Children will feel more relaxed (And relieved)after stressful lessons ( a hard-working day ). Not only, they are also delighted in the rice fields
 Secondly, the cost of living in the countryside is very cheap( MUCH LOWER AND MORE APPROPRIATE FOR DWELLERS TO MAKE ENDS MEET) So, people in the city often come here to rent or buy to stay during the summer vacation.(Thanks to this benefit, the quantity of people coming here to rent or buy has been increasing substantially)
 Thirsty,( Last But not least) the environment in the countryside is much cleaner than the city( Ý này trùng với ý 2). For example, in the countryside has fewer means of transport than the city, environmental pollution in the city is a hot issue of ( In)society.

BàI này của bạn về VOcabulary thì còn rất hạn chế hiều chỗ diễn đạt hơi vụng ,grammar thì còn sai một chút 

Bạn nên trau dồi nhiều hơn về phần vocabulary một chút , 

Nói chung viết thì được rồi nhưng nếu chấm điểm dựa theo thang tiêu chuẩn điểm của ielts thì chưa được cao 

Answer 2

Theo mình thì bài ess​ay này có một số vấn đề như sau:

- Chưa đủ số luọng từ (250 word​)

- Có một số điểm ngữ pháp chưa đúng. Ví dụ như "it has more fresh air than a big city". ​Câu này bạn dùng so sánh như vậy sẽ mắc lỗi ​Not parallel structures. ​Câu này của bạn đúng sẽ nên là ​"it has more fresh air than a big city has"

​- Bố cục của bài viết cũng chưa được vững, cái điểm này mình nghĩ sẽ mất điểm nhiều. Đoạn Intro mình thấy bạn để dấu ":" như vậy thì không được ổn cho lắm. ​​Bạn có thể tham khảo: It is clear that whether growing up in the countryside or in a big city is becoming an extremely subject of debatable topic thanks to its effects on children's development. Although some clam urban areas are definitely good environment for kids, raising children in rural areas also bestows significantly positive effects for them.

​- Về phần conclusion, bạn chỉ cần khẳng định lại ý kiến của mình là ok. Bạn có thể tham khảo xem: ​In conclusion, children should be raised in countryside to ensure their development. These areas offer them a healthy environment and good living conditions as well.

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