Đề thi IELTS - 10/01/2015 - Leaders and directors in an organisation are normally elder people... [closed]

Question

Topic IELTS của tuần này 10/01/2015:

Leaders and directors in an organisation are normally elder people.Some people think younger leader would be better.

Do you agree or disagree?

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Đặc biệt, Topic chữa đề tuần này sẽ bắt đầu có sự tham gia hỗ trợ về mặt chuyên môn đến từ IPP IELTS - chủ quản fanpage Thư viện bài chữa IELTS .

Chúng mình hy vọng rằng, sự hỗ trợ từ IPP sẽ phần nào giúp đỡ các thành viên của Chữa Writing Miễn Phí nâng cao khả năng viết hơn, mà cụ thể là khả năng viết bài IELTS Writing task 2.

Cảm ơn các bạn :)

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Hướng dẫn sử dụng trong top Chữa đề IELTS hàng tuần:

Step 1: Click  ở cuối mỗi bài viết được post lên trong top để nhận xét bài viết của các mem khác (ưu tiên những bài chưa có góp ý nào nhé ^^ )

Step 2: Click nút  ở cuối topic này để post bài bạn viết lên. 

Luật của Top:

- Mỗi bạn sẽ post bài viết của mình lên dưới dạng góp ý (+2 point cho mỗi bài viết).

- Các bạn sẽ cùng viết, vote và nhận xét bài lẫn nhau trong Topic này.

- Bài viết nào được vote nhiều nhất sẽ được chọn làm bài viết hay nhất (+4 point).

 

Hạn chót nộp bài là 12h trưa sáng thứ 7 tuần này :)

 

Tuần mới vui vẻ nhé :3

 

Answer 1

Today, many corporations are usually led by people, who are in late middle age.Some are of the opinion that this role should be replaced by the young.Personally, I believe that the older leaders are better because of their experiences and numerous other advantages.

  It is true that the old leaders have much more experiences in managing the operation of the company.They have must spent most of the time on the job from the young age..Therefore, if there was something suddenly happened, they would handle it appropriately without losing much time and money.For example, the directors in the studios almost always know how to apply various methods in order to overcome the difficulties, as the movie is involved in troubles or is protested by the audience.

  Furthermore, older leaders could bring several benefits to the company.Firstly, thanks to the reputation, which is built by a long time they have worked, the old is likely to be capable of attracting the attention of the public.As the result,It would help the company or studio have a large number of customers.Secondly, the elder people often have many close relationships with other corporations.They would find it easier to cooperate with a variety of business companies, including domestic and foreign ones.

  In conclusion, the elder leaders could bring advantages to the company through their strength.It is obvious that the youth is not able to undertake the responsibility of a leader.Hence, It is suggested that companies or studios should take advantage of the ability of the old members as much as possible, as well as train next excellent generations at the same time.

Comments

tks bạn nhiều nhé :). Nhưng cái chỗ reputation mình  dùng comma vì để giải thích thêm ý reputation trong câu ấy bạn :)

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Câu này mình nghĩ thay bằng vài từ academic này hay hơn ý... establish..achievement ..gain
Firstly, thanks to their reputation, which is established by achievement they gained during the period of employment, the old is more likely to be capable of attracting the attention of the public

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Cám ơn góp ý của bạn nhá :)

Answer 2

Director and Chief Executive Officer of a company are usually the people with under 50 to under 70 age range, which runs the argument about the necessary replacement of young leader generation. With the deep experiences from working, to be in a vanguard of an organization is nothing to debate. However, in the dynamic and capricious contemporary economy, I do recommend for the young generation to take the throne.

In my opinion, the economy of the 21st century needs something new and outstanding from young leaders. They, with the advantages of easily approached new knowledge and technologies, can totally make a vital decision for further stable developments. People usually conceive that old people are so conservative and indecisive, they just want to maintain those past fruitful achievements. This is absolutely archaic and might lead to the corruption of entire company in an active economy.

I also support for young leaders because they are willing to take risks without hesitating. Success is a sporadically flickering signal of venture interior. Due to the pressure of safe and sound, old leader might miss the chance of re-success and competition. While young leaders are those who always look for this sign and they never give in until getting what they want. In fact, young leaders are expressing my opinions from many worldwide reputation companies by doing the things that ever have anyone tried before.

In conclusion, economy itself is changing by eliminating old-fashioned forces and replacing new leader generations with new ideas and never giving up on looking for successful distinctions.

(256 words)

Mọi người cho mình ý kiến về bài, sai sót gì xin góp ý chân thành. Cảm ơn rất nhiều

Comments

with under 50 to under 70 age range --> at the age between 50 to 70.
needs something new and outstanding --> requires radical skills and outstanding performances.
look for this sign --> seize/catch this opportunity
get what they want --> attain/obtain/ gain/achieve their intended goals/aims/purposes/objectives. (All of forms of “get” should be restricted in use)
reputation --> reputable
doing the things --> encounter some awkward challenges (things, something, some stuff are not accepted in academic style)
give up --> abandon, discontinue
Due to the pressure ..........getting what they want -> Due to….., old leader might miss…….while young leaders could be….and discontinue…… (Parallel Structure: S+ modal + V while S + modal + verb)

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cảm ơn góp ý của bạn, mình xin tiếp thu :)

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bài viết với vốn từ rất phong phú nhưng mà sao conclusion của bạn hơi lạc đề với không được rõ lắm !

Answer 3

CEO in many companies are usually aged people. Some people suppose that young CEO would have more advantages than these older. Personally, I disagree with that idea because of some reasons.

 

On the one hand, I agree that young directors have many benefits. Firstly, they own innovative thinking, generate great ideas or even have insane vision for the future. Therefore, these leaders would easily implement revolutionary policies  to improve productivity and economy being more effective. Secondly, with the youth power and technological adaptation, young directors are more flexible than those older in making marketing survey and finding new business partners. Consequently, they are more likely to catch the market trends and making decision quickly which lead to the success in investment.  

 

On the other hand, although young leaders own many advantages, I still believe they would not be better than older leaders. Because of working a long time in their field, aged directors have much experience in management and business.Therefore, their project would rarely have significant mistakes. In contrast, with the lack of experience due to getting job early, young leaders might not think carefully before making decision; and the consequence for that would be the failure. Old directors also seem good at working under pressure rather than those younger. As a result, they are less likely to be affected by turnover, sales.

 

In conclusion,although younger directors own many advantages, I still believe they would not be better than older leaders because of some reasons that I mentioned above.

 

Comments

Theo Ót-phót Đích-sần-ná rì: thì chỉ có "a lack of". Vậy nên mình dùng dựa theo đó mà làm.

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Hi bạn Ethan, cảm ơn góp ý và đóng góp tích cực của bạn tới diễn đàn chữa bài writing. Tuần này bài của bạn sẽ được chọn lựa để chữa chi tiết tại mục Thư viện bài chữa IELTS. Bạn xem qua link sau nhé:
http://scholarshipplanet.info/check/2100/d%E1%BB%81-ielts-hang-tu%E1%BA%A7n-ngay-10-1-2015-bai-opinion-essay-band-6-0-c%E1%BB%A7a-b%E1%BA%A1n-ethan

Cheers.

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cám ơn đã chỉ ra những lỗi sai của mình :D

Answer 4

Mọi người góp ý và cho điểm giúp mình nhé :D

It has always been a usual topic of discussion when people talk about leaders of different generations. As far as I am concerned, organisations and institutions would work better under the leadership of the young.

On the one hand, elder people always have the advantageous position in working. As is self-evidence, the old, with their long term of working, have more experiences not only in their field of work but also in their job as a manager of their companies or institutions. With their previous knowledge, the former generation therefore is more confident, and as a consequence, is much more decisive than the following one. They are also well-respected by the young with the former, longer period of working. Thus, the elder ones are suitable for their profession, with all of the experiences for the future and relevant respect for a leader.

On the other hand, young leaders also have their considerable strengths. Their youth encourages them to be energetic and competitive. The young are enthusiastic with their careers, especially when they just start them. An organisation would work and be planned well when having such ambitious managers. The new generation is more reckless, in a good way and also a bad way. They dare to think of new, creative ideas that have never been tried before. This is obviously wonderful for their groups since creativity brings success, but is also dangerous as untried ideas bring hidden threats of failing.

To my mind, the fact that elder people have always been chosen as directors and leaders is just because the young are not well-experienced like them. Notwithstanding their previous time leading, the young, to my mind, would make their institutions better than them since they have great enthusiasm, which is the most important factor of leadership. The reason of the matter of fact that they are not frequently chosen to be “directioners”  is that the system of training in universities in most countries is not relevant for future professionals. They are all too theoretical whilst the practical part is not enough. When all universities have better training programmes that well-prepare the young for their future, it would be better in all fields of work to have not just young leaders with all of their young, advantageous characters but also experienced ones. This generation will replace the former one with resembling experiences.

To sum up, I believe that elder people are suitable for their job as leaders, but young people would be perfect to manage an organisation with improved education.

Comments

usual topic -> formal topic
talk about -> indicate/mention/analyse
their long term of working -> their long-term experiences
therefore -> ;therefore,
and as a consequence, is much more decisive -> and is consequently much more decisive
with the former, longer period of working -> because of longer working experience
especially when they just start them -> at the beginning of career path
. An organisation would work and be planned well when having such ambitious managers -> …..When utilizing such ambitious managers, an organization would be well planned to work more effectively……. (no error in your genuine sentence; however, your writing techniques would definitely highly evaluated if the Adverbial Phrase – when……. – was put at the beginning of the sentence)       
The new generation is more reckless, in a good way and also a bad way -> Compared with sth, the new generation is more reckless in positive and negative views. (You can use flexibly: positive-negative, optimistic-pessimistic, advantageous-disadvantageous)
They dare to think of new, creative ideas that have never been tried before -> They possibly dare to set creative and radical ideas.

Sorry! I was too exhausted to keep correcting a massive amount of following errors in the latter. Here is the tip: avoid “Oppa Vietnamese style ^^”, learn native collocation.

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On the other hand, young leaders also have their considerable strengths. Their youth encourages them to be energetic and competitive. The young are enthusiastic with their careers, especially when they just start them. An organisation would work and be planned well when having such ambitious managers. The new generation is more reckless, in a good way and also a bad way. They dare to think of new, creative ideas that have never been tried before. This is obviously wonderful for their groups since creativity brings success, but is also dangerous as untried ideas bring hidden threats of failing.

Mình nghĩ sẽ tốt hơn, tăng điểm grammar nếu sử dụng một số câu phức như if, although...câu ghép, and..but.....mình đọc cảm thấy đoạn vừa rồi nó hơi hơi cụt ấy...chỉnh một tý thôi mình nghĩ sẽ hay hơn...

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Thanks for spending yr time correcting my essay, Paul :D

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Cảm ơn bạn, eminemviet :) mình sẽ sửa lại

Answer 5

Mọi người cho mình xin góp ý với nhé. Lần đầu tiên tham gia, cảm ơn cả nhà nhé.

 

With the rapid development of information and technology, some people believe that elderly leaders and CEOs should be replaced by younger ones. Personally, I completely disagreed with this view because of some following reasons.

On the one hand, I accept that the young people may not be qualified enough to be seen as leaders. The first reason is lack of management and interpersonal skills of young managers; therefore, it is hard for them to make older staff accept their leadership, especially in some Eastern countries. Furthermore, young leaders tend to be overconfidence in their opinions without the consultancy and accountability of more experienced leaders. As a consequence, they could easily make huge mistakes and face several challenges in reaching crucial decisions. For example, many English centers in Hanoi went bankrupt in recent years because of CEOs’ unrealistic goals in the distant future.

At the same time, I would content that choosing the older people to become leaders has more advantages in some ways. Firstly, senior directors are likely to have greater experience than junior ones. Management and leadership skills they gain, along with a network of relationship built up over the years will give them best chances to control any entrepreneurs. Secondly, older leaders often have extensive business connections that help them anticipate and overcome obstacles, which means they take a long view of whether what works or not. Finally, older leaders could be regarded as excellent mentors and role models for other employees in companies.

In conclusion, it seems to me that organizations and corporations could be more beneficial from older leaders and directors than younger ones. 

(268 words)

 

Comments

Management -> administering
To make older staff accept ->to convince/persuade erudite seniors to approve
…….., especially in some Eastern countries -> have to add up “in some cultures” into “…” if you wanna give an example
Overconfidence with-> overconfident of
Content -> conceive
Management and leadership skills -> managing and leading skills
more beneficial from older leaders and directors than younger ones -> more beneficial from older leaders and directors than from younger ones

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Mình nghĩ thay bằng mấy từ này thì sẽ hay hơn ý
At the same time, I would believe that Appointing the older to Leadership Positions has more advantages in some ways. Firstly, senior directors are likely to have greater experience than junior ones. Management and leadership skills they Gained, along with a network of relationship built up over the years will give them best chances to control any Business.

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cảm ơn các bạn nhé, mình sẽ xem lại. hj

Answer 6

It is argued that management positions in an organization should be taken by younger or elder people. While I accept that elder individuals have definite advantages, I believe that their younger colleagues are more suitable for those positions.

On the one hand, the experience and profound knowledge of older individuals can make them become good managers. In virtue of those advantages, the older could fulfill the tasks required of them with high efficiency. For example, because elders are experienced to avoid potential obstacles, the needed cost to achieve business goals are more likely to become less. Taking advantage of this quality of old employees,  companies then could allocate their corporate resources to other more important targets for sustainable development.

On the other hand, I believe that young talented leaders will yield more benefits than the old for several reasons. Firstly, the young may sometimes make minor mistakes, but they can handle unexpected incidents occurring on a regular basis in the workplace faster. For example, young managers are often more dynamic, flexible and quicker in processing problems of capital shortage for a new business venture of a company compared to their elder counterparts. Secondly, the young tends to have more desires to devote themselves in order to gain the sense of recognition which probably could not be obtained by the vast majority of people in their youth. This would substantially benefit those organizations in various aspects such as creating an enthusiastic environment in the workplace.

In conclusion, although I accept that the old can assume duties of ultimate managers, I believe the young is those who merit high management positions.

Comments

Về phần từ vựng, quả thật mình ko sử dụng dc nhiều từ khó nữa @@ ..nhiều khi biết nghĩa của từ nhưng ko dám sử dụng vì ko chắc ấy
bạn có thể chỉ cho mình 1 vài câu chưa hay và suggest cho mình cái thay thế dc ko...mình rất cảm ơn

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Hi bạn Eminemviet, cảm ơn góp ý và đóng góp tích cực của bạn tới diễn đàn chữa bài writing. Tuần này bài của bạn sẽ được chọn lựa để chữa chi tiết tại mục Thư viện bài chữa IELTS. Bạn xem qua link sau nhé:
http://scholarshipplanet.info/check/2086/d%E1%BB%81-ielts-hang-tu%E1%BA%A7n-ngay-10-1-2015-bai-opinion-essay-band-6-0-c%E1%BB%A7a-b%E1%BA%A1n-eminemviet

Cheers.

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cảm ơn admin rất nhiều :D

Answer 7

Mong mọi người nhận xét giúp mình.

It does not escape one's eyes that elder people normally take up leadership positions in the corporate world today. Some people, however, think that young leaders, so called "new blood", should endorse the leadership posts instead. I myself, to a large extent, am inclined to believe that the captain seat should remain with the elder in corporations.

Firstly, elder leaders have people skills, something that normally only comes with age. Regardless with what opinion one has about what constitute a good leader, the common consensus is that to be a good leader, one needs people skills i.e. the ability to unite a group of individual worker to achieve a team target. Young people in this generation have been encouraged to embrace their individuality since young and whilst that is beneficial for the sake of creativity, with it come the corollary of letting their inflated egos get in the way of team work. Elders, on the other hand, have learnt that lesson in a hard way and know how to tune down their egos in order to motivate other people for teamwork.

Secondly, elder people have been in the industries for well over twenty years, their experience in dealing with crisis is an immense asset to the corporation. Many of them had started at the bottom of the corporate ladder. In the process, they had possibly learnt first hand what can go wrong at different stages of the product/service production, and thus can design preventive measures, or can response swiftly in time of crisis.

Having said that, I do not deny that there are cases where young leadership has proven to be successful, take Facebook, for example. The social media empire was set up by Havard drop-out Mark Zuckeberg and now boast millions of users. However, one has to account Mark's success for the fact that the nature of his virtual business is very unique; it requires a great deal of youth intrinsic attributes such as creativity and a chameleon-like ability to adapt to changes. Other industries still operate in a more traditional ways and thus, at least in the near future, elder people should still hold leadership positions

 

Comments

bạn viết hay thật, nhưng mà dài quá @@
mình nghĩ bạn nên cắt bớt mở bài với kết luận vì có viết dài bạn cũng ko dc thêm điểm phần này đâu...thân bài vẫn là trọng tâm

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cám ơn bạn, đùng là mình hay gặp vần đề về việc viết quá dài, đang cố gắng chỉnh ^^

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Young people in this generation => nếu mình k nhầm thì lặp thừa ý in this generation
and whilst => , whilst
well over twenty years, their experience in => 2 câu đơn thiếu từ nối
sử dụng quá nhiều people
Theo mình thì đoạn cuối kết luận bằng 1, 2 câu paraphrase lại phần mở để khẳng định lại ý thôi chứ không nên để ví dụ ở đây. Ví dụ được để ở cuối body 1 và 2

Answer 8

In modern society, more and more leaders and directors of a company are the majority of senior citizens. However, whether the young generations are deserved to become a leader of an organization is a controversial issue. I totally agree that the leaders should be the youths with the following reasons.

To begin with, there is no denying that a younger person can lead the organizations more effective than the old. This is because the youths are energetic and enthusiastic enough to make more innovations to help their firms overcome various dilemmas. Furthermore, not only they supervise the organizations better, but making more profits from a number of collaborations with the other companies. Therefore, the young can completely afford to compete with the elder people to become a director.

On the contrary, it is obvious that the age has also more work experience than the young. Conversely, the youths also have different strong abilities, which are proved to the public, so that they can able to become the best directors for the organizations. For example, they can access new information and resolutions quickly to apply for their company so as to develop in the perfect way. In addition, to be a leader requires the amount of efforts, so that the young people are willing to achieve it.

In conclusion, I am convinced that the youth can totally compete with the elderly people to become a leader or director, but we also neglect choosing the old. By doing so that, we ensure their abilities are appreciated to lead the organizations appropriately, thereby creating a development in their companies.

Comments

more and more là inf nhé
to begin with what?
not only ...but also... bị sai

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Theo mình nghĩ đề này lên đồng ý 1 phần thôi, vì tùy công việc, bằng cấp, và nhiều yếu tố khác để chọn được leader.

Answer 9

Many people have different views about whether or not the organization should be led by young chiefs. Personally, I accept that senior leaders are the considerable important qualities, but I believe that it would be better if the youths become the chiefs of a corporation.

On the one hand, senior leaders have much more experience than younger chiefs because of the longer working time of the senior. Furthermore, the voice of the elder heads of an organization, who are respected by their experience, success, not to mention dedication, has more influence on others. This rarely encounters in a younger leaders.

On the other hand, younger chiefs have better creation, cleverness, physical health to suffer high pressure jobs, forced the highly skilled manpower, not to mention activeness and the recklessness to take risks. Firstly, to choose between risks and opportunities, the youths are willing to take the higher risks to receive the more significant achievement. Perhaps, in these days, the willingness to overcome fear is more necessary for the development of the company. Secondly, the young directors and leaders are sufficient not only inquisitiveness and intelligence to learn from the experienced senior ones and books, but also creation to make more considerable new values for their company. For example, younger chiefs use flexibly the mass marketing, the digital marketing, and the channels of advertising in order to promote their products efficiently, whereas most of elder leaders usually base on only traditional advertising.

In conclusion, it is true that chiefs of an organization are generally the senior, but in my opinion it is better to choose the younger people to be the leader.

Comments

Sao không ai góp ý gì cho mình vậy, buồn quá, cứ hóng mãi, ngày nào cũng vào check mà chẳng thấy gì. Mọi người vào góp ý cho mình với ạ T_T
Ad ơi, ad ới, ad ời..............

Answer 10

They said that leaders and directors in an organisation are normally elder people. However, in modern society, it is no longer unusual that one becomes leader at his very young age. As far as I am concern, young leaders can definitely do their job as good as, or even better than the elders.
First of all, young leaders are often highly educated, highly skilled and open-minded. We could not judge a person’s ability based on his qualifications only but somehow these things display a huge part of his quality. Moreover, the youngsters would be willing to change or adapt to fit in the modern conditions while elder people are sometimes rigid with their antiquated attitude. Besides, younger leaders tend to be more ambitious and active than the older ones. Because they just start to build their career, they would be more likely to contribute and have a lot of plans in their mind to develop their career and the organisation.
Certainly in comparison to elder people, young leaders appear to be lack of experience, immature and even risky. However, sometimes, dare to take the risk is the key factor to succeed. There are many people who have the same qualifications and skills but not every one could dare to take the risk.    
Although it is doubtful that young leaders would be completely better than older ones, how nice it would be to give those youngsters the chances to prove themselves and blow a new air into an organisation.

Comments

They said that==> it is said that ...?

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cuối cùng cũng có ng đọc bài mình :'( cảm ơn b :'(

Answer 11

Over the last decades, it is evident that employers of advanced ages have normally been preferred when it comes to company management. Yet, some individuals perceive young leaders as more appropriate for such positions. I totally concur with this viewpoint, with justifications mentioned below

To commence with, young people are allegedly more potential candidates, considering their profound knowledge, compared to older ones. This lies in the fact that an upsurge in the proportion of university graduates has been witnessed within several years. In other words, the youth nowadays usually take such high education as tertiary level, unlike the past when it was restricted to soly a minority of population. Plus, thanks to recent technological innovations, education quality has been significantly improved by dint of the availability of modern-device-equipped classrooms, for instance, computer-based ones. It is this solid foundation of knowledge that places callow employers at an advantage in the race with the older for corporate chief

Furthemore, their young age also proves beneficial in terms of effective administration, which demands innovative entrepreneurs. More precisely, fresh out of colleges, they are full of energy, harbouring a crave for new experience. They are, accordingly, more willing to accept original concepts, whereas directors of middle age appear to be somewhat timid in this regard. That the majority of tycoons in the field of technology succeed at an early age provides a typical example. To put it another way, the flexibility and adaptibility merely observed in young age help these employers to think broad, an essential attribute of visionary leaders

In conclusion, the aforementioned arguments offer insights into vindications for the impression that young individuals stand a better chance of success as high-ranking managers , instead of those at great age as common belief. Therefore, it is of paramount importance that more opportunies be given to them, thus, enabling them to maximize their talent

(307 words)