Violent films (Problems-Solutions)

Question

There are many people who argue that violent films are the cause of many significant social problems and these films have exerted bad impacts on young people. This essay will look at these problems in detailed and suggest some solutions to them.

   There are several negative effects caused by movies with violent content. Firstly, people may become desensitized to violence. Due to frequently watching these sorts of movie, people might think little of serious consequences that violence can create. Secondly, children’s minds could be hurt by watching violence. Children are often sensitive and impressionable. Therefore, they are likely to be suffered more than any others. Lastly, young people are easily influenced by the films and may commit violence as a result. Violent films could incite them to do the same things in reality.

   The problem of violent films can be reduced by some measures. Firstly, government should enforce a strict rating system. Movies with too much violence should be banned or restricted by age. Another solution is censoring mature content in films. By removing inappropriate content, the bad impacts of violent films on people’s minds could also be reduced. Finally, parents need to be encouraged to monitor what their children watch. With the help of parental guidance, young people can avoid being influenced by high levels if violence in films.

  In conclusion, violent movies have caused many problems to society. However, these problems can be solved if government and adults have the right prevention.

                                                                                  

                                                                                                   (234 words)

Mọi người góp ý giúp mình. Mình kém về ideas và diễn đạt

Answer 1

suggest => suggests

t cũng kém diễn đạt và tìm ideas. nhưng bài của bạn rất hay. mỗi tội là thiếu từ 

Comments

will look at these problems in detailed and suggest some solutions to them.
Hehe mình tỉnh lắm "will" mà. Mình còn bị thêm cái tính lười, ghét viết dài :'( làm sao để sửa.

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cách sửa duy nhất là viết dài ra thôi :))))

Answer 2

mình thấy main idea rất tốt, sao bạn k để mở rộng nó ra một tí để đoạn văn dài hơn nhỉ? :D Còn graph3 mình thấy ổn rồi đó, ngữ pháp và từ vựng của bạn rất chắc, mình k có gì để sửa đc :v

Thân ái! Cùng là bạn để cùng giúp đỡ nhau trong học tập nhé! :)))

Comments

Thanks for your comment. Yep, you're a hundred percent right. I'll try to develop my ideas more :D

Answer 3

Theo mình được biết thì trong essay, không nên viết There is/ There are vì nó ko đc academic cho lắm. 

Câu đầu trong bài, cậu có thể đổi thành  It is argued that violent films....  hoặc đơn giản nhất là Many people argue that... 

Đây là ý kiến riêng của mình thui nhé! Cảm ơn các bạn đã xem :)

Comments

Vậy hả, mình không biết. Mà thấy cũng hợp lí :D thanks bạn nha

Answer 4

Bài bạn viết tốt nhưng có một số chỗ diễn đạt chưa rõ ràng lắm. mình có một số gợi ý bên dưới. Thân

It is argued that violent films are the cause of many significant social problems and may exert bad impacts on young people. This essay will look at these problems in detailed and suggest some solutions to them.

   There are several negative effects caused by movies with violent contents/scenes. Firstly, people may become desensitized to violence. Due to frequently watching these sorts of movie, people might think little of serious consequences that violence can create. Secondly, children’s minds could be hurt by watching violence. Children are often sensitive and impressionable. Therefore, they are likely to be suffered more than any others. Lastly, young people are easily influenced by the films and may commit violence as a result. Violent films could incite them to do the same things in reality.

   The problems caused by violent films can be reduced by some measures. Firstly, the government should enforce a strict rating system. Movies with too much violence scenes should be banned or restricted by age. Another solution is censoring mature contents in such films. By removing inappropriate contents, the bad impacts of violent films on people’s minds could also be reduced. Finally, parents need to be encouraged to monitor what their children watch. Under parental guidance, young people can avoid being influenced by high levels if violence in films.

  In conclusion, violent movies have caused many problems to society. However, these problems can be solved if government and adults have the right prevention.

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn
Chỗ đó là High levels of violence in films
Nhưng mình nghĩ content không phải thêm "s" và violence là đủ không cần thiết violence scenes

Answer 5

Thank to your writing, which was mentioned on the updated topic! I have some comments followed: Fristly, Your writing did not meet the word requirement of a task 2 IELTS examination. Therefore, you will be lost score for this fault. Moreover, In oder to sure that your ideas will be more clear, you should put some instances that can support for what you want to give the reader. In my view, that is a good way not only for get higher score but also to get enough words that you need in a task 2 IELTS writing. Generally, you have a good vocabulary ability and also good in english grammar compared to beginners. Keep it up!!! P/s. all of the comments above just are my opinion! Thanks for read it and I am pleased to receive your comment!

Comments

Many thanks. I'll try to add more examples

Answer 6

Good sides: good arguments, able to express ideas in different ways. good cohesion and coherence as well as a range of vocabulary. infrequent inappropriacies, develop ideas effectively, well organization, linking words and collocations

Bad sides: plural forms, examples, not so many complex sentences, and limited writing skills lead to underlength. however this doesnot affect understanding.

Band score: 6.0

There are many people who argue that violent films are the causes of many significant social problems and these films have may exerted bad impacts on young people. This essay will look at these problems in detailed and suggest some solutions to them. (good sentence)

   There are several negative effects caused by movies with violent contents. Firstly, people may become desensitized to violence. Due to frequently watching these sorts of movies, people might think little of serious consequences that violence can create. Secondly, children’s minds could be hurt by watching violence. Children are often sensitive and impressionable. Therefore, they are likely to be suffered more than any others. Lastly, young people are easily influenced by the films and may commit violence as a result. Violent films could incite them to do the same things in reality.

   The problem of violent films can be reduced by some measures. Firstly, government should enforce a strict rating system. Movies with too much violence should be banned or restricted by age. Another solution is to censor censoring mature contents in films. By removing inappropriate contents, the bad impacts of violent films on people’s minds could also be reduced. Finally, parents need to be encouraged to monitor what their children watch. With the help of parental guidance, young people can avoid being influenced by high levels if  ofviolence in films.

  In conclusion, violent movies have caused many problems to society. However, these problems can be solved if government and adults have the right prevention.

Answer 7

There are many people who [MM1] argue that violent films are the cause[MM2]  of many significant social problems and these films have exerted bad impacts on young people. This essay will look at these problems in detailed[MM3]  and suggest some solutions to them[MM4] .
 

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 [MM1]Some people

 [MM2]results

 [MM3]details

 [MM4]offer some solution to combat the issue/ tackle the issue

 

Comments

idea của bạn này rất hay và rõ ràng :D từ vựng cũng phong phú nữa :D phải học hỏi mới đc

Answer 8

Thứ nhất bài bạn thiếu từ(234).

THỨ 2 có vài lỗi diễn đạt mình muốn góp ý như sau:

There are many people who argue that violent films are the cause of many significant  k hợp lý lắm về nghĩa >>bỏ   social problems and these films have exerted bad impacts on young people good structure. This essay will look at these problems in detailed -->detail and suggest some solutions to them.

   There are several negative effects caused by movies with violent content. Firstly, people may become desensitized to violence. Due to frequently watching these sorts of movie, people might think little of--->might hardly think of serious consequences that violence can create -->unsuitale vì mang nghĩa tích cực-->trigger. Secondly, children’s minds could be hurt by watching violence. Children are often sensitive and impressionable. Therefore, they are likely to be suffered more than any others. Lastly, young people are easily influenced by the films and may commit violence->imitate the violence as a result. Violent films could incite them to do the same things in reality.(para 1 bạn dùng nhiều may might could quá)

   The problem of violent films can be reduced by some measures the problem mà lại be reduced thì sao ấy. Firstly, government should enforce a strict rating system. Movies with too much violence should be banned or restricted by age. Another solution is censoring mature content------>contents in films. By removing inappropriate contents, the bad impacts of violent films on people’s minds could also be reduced. Finally, parents need to be encouraged to monitor what their children watch. With the help of parental guidance, young people can avoid being influenced by high levels if >>>of violence in films.

  In conclusion, violent movies have caused many problems to society. However, these problems can be solved if government and adults have the right preventions.(conclusion sơ sài)

                                                                                  

                                                                                                  

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn. Problems dùng được với reduce bạn ạ.