Góp ý bố cục nha.
Professional athletes have become really well-known for youngsters these days through many sources of information, which include both negative and positive news about athletes (viết dài dòng quá) (It is true that... can be both advantageous and disadvantageous/ negative and effective ). My essay is going to discuss either good or bad role models professional athletes make for young people (không phải dạng chuẩn của IELTS).
In terms of being a good model for young people, professional athletes have truly inspired the youth to follow their dream (lạc đề) (phải nói kiểu players are good models for some reasons). Not to mention athlete's income (không liên quan), they do have the bravery to to totally pursue their dreams (cần nói rõ là ý 1, 2 hay 3). They are dare (lỗi khá nặng) to go against social prejudiced model careers, such as doctors, engineers,... In addition, thanks to professional athletes, youngsters can learn to do exercies or play sports, which benefit their health a lot (chắc bạn chưa học phát triển ý rồi, viết chả rõ ràng gì cả) (tách hẳn thành 2-3 câu đi).
On the other side, completely copying what professional athletes have done is not always a good thing for young people. They are also known for their records of overnight parties, drug abusing, prostitutes,... Some of them may harm their team's or even their country's pride by accepting bribes. (đoạn này chưa ổn nên mình nhận xét chung: bạn cần học Paragraph Writing - Viết Đoạn trước vì theo như bài này, bạn chưa biết triển khai ý đâu)
Whether professional athletes are good role models or not depends on the athlete him(her)self (bạn phải nhắc lại câu chốt của đề bài ở phần Introduction). There should also be policies to reward for good athletes as well as proper punsihments for the bad ones. Only by that will young people really be well affected by profesional athletes. (2 câu cuối hoàn toàn có thể bỏ, thiếu cũng chả sao)