Task 2 CAM 9:Should unpaid service be compulsory for students?

Question

Chào các bác. Bài em viết trong 40 phút chỉ được thế này thôi. Các bài khác em toàn viết 1 tiếng hà. Các bác chấm thử xem đi thi em được mấy điểm. 20 em thi rồi T__T

Thanks các bác

Topic: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of school programmes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

   These days, teaching methods have altered significantly in comparison with the past. It is widely believed that aside from academic part, students should also be required to take part in volunteering social service such as working for a charity or teaching sports to younger children. From my point of view, I am totally in favor of this positive change for some reasons.

  First of all, students can attain a number of visible useful skills. By being involved in these community activities, the young can develop various imperative social skills such as teamwork, leadership, communication and problem-solving. In addition, students’ creativity could also be encouraged. For instance, in order to improve their neighborhood, students have to think of practical projects and conduct them in the most efficient ways.

  Furthermore, this can also help enhance students’ health and keep them in good condition. Since participating in community service requires them to be active and quick, students can maintain a healthy lifestyle. Moreover, they will also have less time being alone. Therefore, students can learn how to be connected with others, expand their social relationships and avoid isolation.

  Last but not least, governments can save a great amount of money thanks to this compulsory part of school. Labor cost is relatively high in some countries, especially in the West, while students clearly occupy a huge citizen proportion of a nation. Therefore, not only can this idea help minimize the labor force but also bring about the ultimate profit source to the government.

  To conclude, the idea of making social service an irreplaceable part of school holds a number of obvious benefits. Personally, I am entirely convinced with this view.

       

 

                  (Word count: 271)

Answer 1

Chào bạn , mình đọc qua thấy bài viết bạn tương đối ổn , chỉ là nếu bạn sử dụng từ vựng more academic thì bài viết sẽ hay hơn. Và mình đề nghị khi bạn sử dụng ví dụ , bạn có thể be more specific thì bài văn sẽ có sức thuyết phục hơn bạn nhé!

Answer 2

enhance students’ health and keep them in good condition => two ideas are the same :), so you should mention only one. Instead, you should provide your point about building social relationships here. 

The third point is good, however I think it is better to give an argument of those who support the opposite side and prove it is not really correct. Thus, your essay will be more persuasive.

Score: my opinion is 7.0

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