590 views
0 votes
0 votes
The World has witnessed several exceptional talents arising from various industries. It is more apparent that in such entertaining industries like sports and music, talented individuals are the centre of attention. Under different perceptions, it is believed that some sport players and musicians are gifted with their inborn talents; while others argue that professional excellence can be gained through suitable teaching method and hard-training. Both sides of this argument will be analyzed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.

Firstly, people with their inborn talents have a tendency to show their unique ability when they are quite in early years of age. For example, Wolfgang Mozart had showed his prodigious music ability by composing and performing before European royals at the age of five. Thus, it is not surprising that the prodigies’ outstanding that separates them from the rest; however, the numbers of natural talents can be considered as one in a million. Nevertheless, the idea of inborn talents certainly can be recognized.

Conversely, others examine the possibility that individuals can be taught to become professionals. Today, many sports and music institutes with well-designed content of curriculums associated with intense practices, for example, the World Academy of Sport and Manhattan School of Music located in the US, are both leading schools which have been producing so many talented sport players and musicians such as John C and Lady Gaga. Thus, people initially without inborn talents may find advantages of schooling on their paths pursuing the careers in such fields like sports and music. Thus, it is agreed that practices make perfection in this sense for many people who have a passion for what they love and yearn for success.

In summary, both sides of the argument regarding to those have natural talents and those who train hard to earn the success in sport and music playing grounds have strong supports. However, after analyzing the two camps, it is clear that a person can become professional in a particular field by observing and being trained under a fitting method. As such, people should pursue what they want to be with or without talents.
by
14 points

Please log in or register to answer this question.

1 Answer

2 votes
2 votes
  1. Introduction:
  • “Under different perceptions” -> “Under different perspective”
  • “this argument” ->  “this controversial problem”
  • “reasoned” -> “reasonable”
  1. 1st argument:
  • “had showed” -> “had shown”
  • “prodigies’ outstanding” -> “outstanding prodigies”
  1. 2nd argument:
  • “individuals can be taught to become professionals” -> “amateurs can be taught to become professionals”
  • “Today, many sports and music institutes with well-designed content of curriculums associated with intense practices, for example, the World Academy of Sport and Manhattan School of Music located in the US, are both leading schools which have been producing so many talented sport players and musicians such as John C and Lady Gaga.” Notes: this sentence perhaps is too long and you might want to split it into three simple sentences.
  • My suggestion: Nowadays, many institutes of sport and music are running with well-designed content of curriculums associated with intense practices. These institutes can be listed as World Academy of Sport and Manhattan School of Music, etc. Their achievements are publication of famous singers such as John C and Lady Gaga.
  1. Conclusion:
  • “regarding” -> “regard”
  • “after analyzing the two camps, it is clear” -> “after analyzing the two camps, I found out that”
  • “with or without talents” -> “with or without inborn talents”
by
28 points

2 Comments

Hi Alex,
Thanks for all suggestions ! how do you find the flow of the whole essay ? is it easy to be understood?
Your ideas are developed smoothly. Plus, it sounds very logical so I think readers can get it without troubles. Well done!

Related questions

0 votes
0 votes
1 answer
0 votes
0 votes
1 answer
0 votes
0 votes
1 answer
0 votes
0 votes
0 answers
0 votes
0 votes
3 answers
0 votes
0 votes
0 answers
0 votes
0 votes
2 answers
mnguyen asked Nov 7, 2014
mnguyen asked Nov 7, 2014
by mnguyen
0 points