Ý tưởng của bạn khá tốt, diễn đạt cũng logic mạch lạc, paraphase tốt (đôi chỗ thấy nhiều từ lạ lạ, k biết người bản xứ có hay dùng những từ đó không, t nghĩ bạn nên tìm từ thay thế quen thuộc hơn cho an toàn :)) )
VD:
prudent consideration --> cautious consideration
absorbability : tra Oxford và Cambridge đều k có, tra trên google toàn thấy ra “absorbability towards polymers, hydrogen, medicine,...” thôi =)) --> thay bằng “new language comprehension”
In today’s world, the trend of teaching a foreign language to children has become incredibly popular. Several authorities (đề bài là "experts", khác nhau hoàn toàn mà) recommend that students should start learning a second language as soon as they enter elementary (thiếu school) instead of secondary school. This essay will (mình cũng k chắc chỗ này nhưng mình cảm thấy dùng “is going to” đúng hơn “will” vì cái này là dự định rõ ràng) compare both positive and negative sides of this recommendation. (ở trên đã dùng “recommend” rồi thì ở dưới nên thay bằng “suggestion” cho phong phú :D )
There are (“is” chứ nhỉ, đằng sau là“a ... number of” cơ mà) a considerable number of visible benefits brought about by the early foreign language learning. First of all, primary students are of the ideal age to learn a language. Research has shown that those who aged from 5 to 10 often produce a twice speedy absorbability towards new languages. Secondly, since learning a language takes comparatively long time, so the sooner the children start, the better. (Theo mình ý “First of all” và “Secondly” của bạn hơi trùng nhau.) If children begin learning a foreign language at an early age, they will be capable of dealing with the language barrier later in their academic lives, which helps reduce studying force at higher grades. Therefore, they can be more focused on other school subjects and likely to perform better in class. Last but not least, this also gives primary students a chance to develop many skills. Not only does it help enhance communicative skill but teach them how to be methodical as well.
Nonetheless, there are some inevitable drawbacks triggered by acquiring a foreign language prior to junior high school. To begin with, children may have a tendency of neglecting their mother languages. Consequently, this leads to the problematic issue that they will not (nên dùng là “may not” hơn, vì k nên khẳng định chắc chắn điều gì) learn to value their cultural backgrounds. Furthermore, adding a language subject to student’s syllabus means putting more school pressure on them. To illustrate, (cái cụm này nghe lạ quá, tra google k thấy người ta dùng ở đâu cả, k biết có phải ý bạn là “for example” k, mình nghĩ nên thay bằng “for instance” cho quen thuộc) elementary school students will have to spend more time of their childhood, which is supposed to be active and carefree, doing exercises and homework.