Đề thi IELTS - 22/11/2014 - In some countries, shopping online is replacing shopping at stores... [closed]

Question

Topic IELTS của tuần này 22/11/2014:

Shopping online is replacing shopping at stores.

Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Hạn chót nộp bài là 12h trưa sáng thứ 7 tuần này :)

 

Tuần mới vui vẻ nhé :3

 

 

 

Answer 1

Recently, with the development of the technology in business area, there is an obvious trend that more and more people use online shopping in stead of shopping onsite. Many economists have argued that this trend will affect negatively the economy as general; while many others admit the definite convenience of this trend. Accordingly, in my point of view, the popular of online shopping has both plus and minus points.

 

There are some limitation in the spread of shopping via internet that policy makers should take concious about. Firstly, as many economists point out that the trend of online shopping make unemployment rate be on the rise. For instance, in stead of hiring several shop keepers, online shop owners may manage their business by their own; which affect greatly to the labour market, especially unskilled workers. Moreover, online shopping leads to the increase of risk to the buyers who have to pay first, served later. In fact, a lot of people are dissappointed as products are delivered because of poor quality. In such case like this, it takes times for the buyers to take back their money.

 

However, we cannot deny the positive sides of online shopping, especially in such full- information world like these days. Actually, internet shopping has outstanding advantage in time saving matter. It used to take a lot of time for checking the price and choose favorite style in traditional purchasing. However, with online shopping; for example, people may get the price comparison with all information about the products just in a second. Another advantage of internet shopping lies in the diversification of choices. Online shopping has openned a large of choices for consumers, even across the border. Besides, shopping via internet may stimulate other supportive industries. More specifically, as the popular of internet shopping, such related services will be stimulates such as: international payment, domestic payment and delivery services.

 

In conclusion, as a coin always has two sides, internet shopping has its own positive and negative sides. However, with the growth of social and technology machenism, I think that the back draws of online shopping will be eliminated in the near future.

Comments

1 . Many economists have argued that this trend will affect negatively the economy as general;

-> It is argued that this trend will affect negatively the economy as general;

2. Accordingly, in my point of view, the popular of online shopping has both plus and minus points.

-> Accordingly, from my point of view, the popular of online shopping has both plus and minus points.

3. I think that the back draws of online shopping will be eliminated in the near future.

-> I think that the drawbacks of  online shopping will be eliminated in the near future.

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Some small grammar mistakes.

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Honestly, I have to realize that, compared with some plus points in your essay, an extremely organized structure and the usage of idioms in particular, many drawbacks should be more taken into account for these reasons below:
1.    a considerable number of wrong collocations
•    make unemployment rate be on the rise --> make a significant rise in unemployment rate. NOTE: a rise/decrease/change IN sth
•    in my point of view --> from my point of view, in my opinion
•    affect greatly to the labour market --> no “to”
•    advantage in --> advantage of
•    get the price comparison with all information about the products --> make a comparison between products in terms of price and information
•     in a second --> in a few seconds
•    open a large of choices --> provide choices in plenty
2.    a slight amount of word forms and vocabs
•    the popular of --> popularity
•    concious about --> consciousness
•    the back draws of --> the drawbacks of
•    dissappointed --> disappointed
3.    a remarkable weakness of tenses, structures and grammars:
•    Many economists have argued that this trend will affect…….while many others admit…. --> Many economists  have argued that this trend would affect…….while many others have admitted….. NOTE: not use "," or ";" before or after WHILE. It is a special conjunction.
•    as many economists point out…..+ a clause
•    ; which --> , which
•    via internet --> via Internet. NOTE: internet (adj), Internet (noun), Facebook (noun)
•    who have to pay first, served later --> who have to pay first and be served later. NOTE: use “AND” in parallel structure to add ONE more relevant phrase/word.
•    It used to take a lot of time for checking --> It + take + [TIME]+ for sb + to_inf
•    ; for example, --> , for example  [BE CAREFUL!!!!!!]
•    be stimulates --> be stimulated

However, I strongly believe that you strictly manage yourself in time during the test. Besides, I highly suggest that you should pay INVESTMENT in vocab and grammar, especially complex structures or even advanced grammars (if you could), instead of the number of 356 words too long exceeding the expectation on ideal scale of 250-280 words.

P/s: be CAREFUL! CAREFUL! CAREFUL! with comma, semi-colon in essay. Not try to overuse if not get familiarity of usage.
Thanks for your awareness of my comments. ^^

Answer 2

---> This is my writing, give your feedbacks please!   

    

      In recent years, information technology has advanced rapidly and changed the way of life on a lot of people all over the world. As a result, the number of consumer shopping via internet are increasing continuously in many countries. it is believed that this trend has many benefits than drawbacks for a nation's economic development. This point of view will be proved by analyzing how online shopping can help saving time for customers and stimulate worldwide economic growth.

     On the one hand, in stead of going directly to shop sites, consumers can spent money for online products that are sold on a lot website nowadays. For example, the number of Vietnamese young generations collecting goods via their home's computer or their office's laptop are in rising up. The reason for this going up trend is that it saves a lot of time for these people because they need not been to shop, they just sit at a chair and choose what they interest. From this example it is clear that shopping online has more advantage than disadvantage.

      On the other hand, there is no doubt that online shoppers stimulate the growth of global economy. For instance, the amount of Vietnamese shopping smart phones that produced in America has gone up in recent years. A lot of Vietnamese people prefer stay at home and buy products sold on Amazon, it is bringing lots of income for America firms and developing the world's economic growth. As this example proved, it is obvious that shopping online has many benefits for global economy.

    After analyzing both the pros and cons of shopping online, it is clear that the advantage of online spending outweighs than disadvantages. It is predicted that this trend will be developed in the near future.

Comments

Hi, after reading your essay, I found several mistakes and some sentences could be improved in order to make your essay sounds more native. but I think you can fix it yourself by reading carefully the essay again and again.
About your idea in this essay, for this kind of question, you should give your opinions on both negative and positive sides. Anyway, in your essay you can give more benefit such as: variety, fewer traps, better prices, ect.

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Thanks for your opinions!

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Đoạn 1 bạn bỏ hẳn đi. Viết đơn giản như mình.

It is widely accepted that there has been a considerable shift from traditional stores to online retailers in the modern days. Personally, I strongly believe that this rising trend brings both advantages and disadvantages.

1 câu nhắc lại ý của đề. 1 câu bao quát chung.

Như thế, bạn sẽ có rất nhiều thời gian cho 3 đoạn sau và không bị tắc tị ở đề bài. Mình đố bạn viết như thế này trong khi thi thật.

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Đoạn cuối nhất định phải có I.

Câu đầu thì vế sau ổn nhưng vế đầu thì dài dòng văn tự. Sao không viết ngắn gọn như Simon.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the advantages of online shopping (dùng spending có nhiều nghĩa khác) outweighs the disadvantages. This trend, personally, would be the most appropriate form of shopping in the years to come.

Như vậy vừa tránh cụm it is adj vừa có I và đọc lại thì khá đơn giản, tranh thủ thêm được chút thời gian soát bài.

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Quan điểm của mình rất đơn giản. Mở Bài và Kết Luận nên đi thẳng vào vấn đề, để câu chữ cho hai đoạn chính vì đây là hai đoạn chốt.

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Bạn hơi thiếu vốn từ, dùng chưa đa dạng lắm!

shopping online, online retailers, web retailers, store/ shop owners, shopping malls, traditional stores...

Internet users, consumers, purchasers, clients, customers,...

purchase, buy, place a wire order, pay money for,...

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Cả 2 topic sentence đều sai.

On the one hand, in stead of going directly to shop sites, consumers can spent money for online products that are sold on a lot website nowadays.

On the other hand, there is no doubt that online shoppers stimulate the growth of global economy.

Đoạn 1 agree thì bạn phải viết thế này: To begin with, there are more benefits than drawbacks. Firstly,... Secondly..., Lastly,...

Đoạn 2 disagree thì: However, I believe that the disadvantages should not be ignored. Firstly,... Secondly,... Lastly,...

Như thế:
1. Bạn sẽ không bị lạc đề. Bài bày bạn có bị lạc đề.
2. Bạn triển khai được ít nhất 2 argument với ví dụ cho argument.
3. Bố cục như thế là rõ ràng, dễ nhớ, dễ áp dụng.

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Thanks for your help, i'll try to improve my vocabulary.

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Đề tài hỏi là online shopping tích cực hay tiêu cực, mình kết luận là tích cực và đưa hai điểm tích cực của nó. Mình không nghĩ là mình lạc đề. Thanks your opinions!

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On the one hand, in stead of going directly to shop sites, consumers can spent money for online products that are sold on a lot website nowadays.

On the other hand, there is no doubt that online shoppers stimulate the growth of global economy.

Bạn viết về 2 cái này chứ chẳng viết gì liên quan tới câu hỏi của đề đâu.

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Vì 2 điểm này là 2 điểm tích cực của online shopping so với shop at stores.

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Cách diễn đạt của bạn không nói lên điều đấy. Xem bài của ethan bên dưới sẽ hiểu.

Answer 3

It is true that there are a lot of people in many countries who choose shopping via internet rather than going to store. In my opinion, this situation leads to both benefit and drawback developments.

On the one hand, I agree that shopping online has many beneficial effects. Firstly, We can save a lot of time when choosing shopping via internet. For instance, we can know all information of products such as type, price by some clicks. By this way, we also can save significant money paying for transport than having to go to the store by ourselves. Secondly, shopping online allows consumer to buy every time they want; online stores have never been closed, they open 24 of 24 hours and all days of the week. Another positive when choosing shopping via internet is the comparison between each products. Amazon or Ebay, for example, they may help customers to choose the best suitable product with some website functions.

 

Nevertheless, there are some negative influences when choosing shopping online. First of all, customers could not be able to try and check products; as a result, they would easily bought poor quality or even fake goods. If merchandises were damaged during shipping, customers would lost some days to change new products or even worse, the seller might not change for them. Another drawback is that shopping online would easily made addiction for customers. For example, some people could not control their behavior and bought too many items which no demand for them; it might lead to the run out of their money or even a huge debt.

 

In conclusion, it seems to me that there are both positive and negative effects when shopping via internet.

Comments

2 đoạn chính bạn sửa giùm mình những lỗi về chia thời của động từ hoặc thiếu danh từ (có tính từ đi trước mà không thấy danh từ đâu). Những lỗi nhỏ như when doing cũng cần lưu ý.

Thay we bằng 2 đối tượng khách và chủ của bài.

Những từ đơn giản some, many, can thay phức tạp đi.

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cám ơn bạn đã góp ý :D
bạn có thể chỉ cho mình những lỗi sai về chia thời đt trong bài dc k ạ và thay some, many, can bằng những từ gì để bài đạt điểm cao, cám ơn bạn

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Cái này phải Google chút rồi hẵng hỏi.

Answer 4

The growing of high-speed internet and social networks is the chance for people to open a shop without needed so much money. This obvious trend bring both advantages and disadvantages to the society.

Not only sellers but also consumers are those who inherit the possitive of this wave. Open a shop online now easier than ever before, everyone having a website, blog or an account of social network can take part in the community of online sellers, which growing multiply day by day. On the side of buyers, they don’t need to go directly to the real stores to satisfy their demands, they now can buy a product outside of their local region and even their country, which is consider that always have a better prices than the other one. After all, the economy of each counry depends on the successful rate of trading activites, so the more they are completed, the better society will become.

But this trend have the negative points. Many companies have a policy to limit their employees to log in to the social networks or internet stores during their working time because they can effect their performances. In addition, unlike the conventional stores, where people can go to see the products, the online customers just only see the products taken by the camera and sometimes the decision is made by their sense or the experiments of their friends or their family members. Consequently, the items that they buy form online shop sometimes don’t suitable with the one that they really want. Finally but not less important, because of lacking of a strictly laws to manage the online retailers, many of them doesn’t have to tax to the goverments, and the members of society and the economy of the country are those who take all the results.

Beside the advantages of replacing the traditional stores by online shops, there still exist many problems that not easily overcome. From my point of view, I have a strong belief that this trends can not reverse and the minus points will be eliminated in near future by the corperation of governements, retalers, organizations that protect the consumer’s rights and consumers themselves.

Comments

The points you give for the "disadvantage" part is not effective enough, especially the the first one. You should use the second and third argument first, i think.
Another problem
- "corperation" => you mean "coorperation"? Or this can be replaced with "joint effort"
- "organizations that protect the consumer’s rights" => "consumer organizations" is shorter and enough.
- "that not easily overcome" => that is not easy to overcome OR that we can not easily overcome
=> There are still other grammar errors

Answer 5

Topic:

"Shopping online is replacing shopping at stores.

Do you think it is a positive or negative development?"

Nowaday, Shopping becomes easier through internet, TV shopping. Shopping onlinne is more popular than shopping at stores. Shopping online is not only done in city but also in countryside. This development is both positive and negative:

1. I want to talk about the positive aspects:

Firstly, shopping online can be done by everyone from office staffs to housewives. It takes less time for everyone to buy anythings. Office staffs can be at their offices and find anything which they want to buy via internet in luch break (sometimes 1-hour relaxtion). Housewives can also find anything in cooking time or looking after their babies. If they don't accept goods which they selected, they can return goods without any charge.

Secondly, in past, they still select goods via internet but they have to go to the shop to buy liked goods. When they come there, liked goods can be sold to others. Nowaday, after selecting goods, they can prepaid for them and these goods will be directly transferred or they can get them later.

Thirdly, shopping online is not only done in domestic but also in oversea. Some goods are sold in oversea with lower price (included tax and fee, if any) than in domestic.

etc

2. However shopping online also has some negative aspects:

Firstly, Some stores online don't admit to return goods which you bought. So, you should be careful in selecting goods and selecting store online.

Secondly, some stores online demand that buyer must repay but finally, the buyer does not receive goods and isn't paid back money. This is a form of fraud.

From above ideas, I can conclude that shopping online has both positive aspects and negative aspects. If you are careful and have enough knowledge, you will have more benifits from shopping online than shopping in stores.

 

Comments

Sửa lại thành 1 bài essay hoàn chỉnh đi bạn Ngọc?

Answer 6

Please give me some feedbacks and thank you

 

Changing purchase model from shopping in stores to online shopping is more and more popular and naturally, it’s followed by positive and negative aspects. However, in my opinion, I think this development has more advantages than disadvantages. It represents an active life and globalization.

First of all, buyers will economize their time when shopping on the Internet than going to stores. Nowadays, there are a lot of website for e-commercial such as Lazada, Amazone, etc with many kinds of goods like furniture, house-wares, clothes, books, etc, so with one a click, purchasers can buy everything they want without going to a store or a supermarket.

Secondly, competitive nature of online shopping helps people to find goods with the best price. Nowadays, many commercial websites have a lot of same products so the companies always want to create a lower price than competitors through discount programmes or member cards in order to capturing many customers’ support. Thus, buyers total are capable of choosing for self an object with a price they want. For example, a book in Tiki.vn is priced at 60.000vnd and a customer will have to pay 100.000vnd for the book if he buy it on Lamido.vn, and of course he will want to purchase with Tiki.vn.

Finally, because of globalization, people can buy products from other countries if they are unable to find them in their nations and the products will deliver to buyers’ houses.

In conclusion, online shopping is a positive development. It helps people save a lot of time for shopping and find good products with the best price.

Answer 7

It is widely accepted that there has been a considerable shift from traditional stores to online retailers in the modern days. Personally, I strongly believe that this rising trend brings both advantages and disadvantages.

On the one hand, there are strong arguments in favor of shopping via the Internet. First of all, purchasing long-distance definitely saves time and travelling costs for consumers, especially those who live on the undeveloped outskirts. Free charges for shipping, express delivery policies and points earned for accounts registered are convincing benefits in comparison with those of physical stores. Another advantage is that while placing a wire order, Internet users have a variety of options based on profound product descriptions and rankings. In other words, this enables customers to make wise decisions in the first place.

On the other hand, I would argue that negative impacts should not be ignored. To begin with, it is obvious that most of shoppers tend to pay money for items sight unseen. Therefore, a clothing product that is unfit would be inevitable and a payment for returning should be added to the limited budget of regular customers. A second drawback is from deceptive advertising which increasingly becomes popular in the competitive era. For example, a sports company might state that their newly manufactured shoes help wearers burn calories whilst there has been no mention of which research institute responsible for such misleading information. However, until there appears a report revealing the truth, web retailers undoubtedly gain numerous profits.

For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that shopping online would unquestionably come with pros and cons, however, this should be the most appropriate form of shopping in the years to come.