Chấm giúp em Writing task 2 ạ - someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck
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Topic: Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The idea that, someone achieves their expected results mainly depends on luck remains a source of controversy. In my opinion, while people give to each other the wish of having flukes in their lives, I strongly disagree that success comes from fortunateness for the most part. On the one hand, the first reason why people get their aims is that they clarify their objectives. Firstly, when starting to do something, they identify their target for that work, and then they can have a plan for themselves through particular steps. A plan includes the resources people can spend, specific timeline and detailed workflow, also the predicted results. By following that, they can operate each process precisely to reach the destination. Secondly, by having the determination, people have opportunities to grow their motivation. For example, they can face with difficulities and troubles over the process, finish the work more quickly than normal. On the other hand, effort is another factor contributing to get people’s objectives. A sucessful man always concentrate and attemp totally for the thing they are doing. Without efforts, people will behave worse or partly worse when working, that leads to failure in jobs and bad consequences. After that, people feel disappointed and have a discouraging experience, and they will become hard to satisfy in the next chance. In conclusion, fortunateness plays a part in a person’s aim, but it accounts for a very small percent. So, people who want to reach their destination should have for themselves a certain strong-mindedness and try their best to deal with everything.
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Topic: Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nhận xét tổng quát: 

- Đầu tiên là trình bày kiểu này sẽ sai form đề nhé.

- phần Intro nên viết đơn giản chứ đừng phức tạp hóa, chỉ cần paraphrase keyword cho hay và advanced một tẹo là đẹp liền.

- Ý thì có nhưng mà triền khai không được mượt lắm nhưng nói chung cũng ổn.

- Thêm phần example hay hay, thêm vào phần body 2 để làm rõ ý thì đc hơn.

- On the one hand với on the other hand đừng sử dụng bừa bãi.

Để chấm điểm thì riêng phần lạc sang paragraph là lạc đề rồi.

 

*Introduction thì mình nghĩ bạn nên viết đơn giản chứ đừng rắc rối quá, đưa nhiều từ với ngữ pháp mình không thạo thành ra khó hiểu ấy : The idea that someone achieves their expected results mainly depends on luck still remains a source of controversy.  In my opinion, while people give to each other the wish of having flukes in their lives, I strongly disagree that success comes from fortunateness for the most part.  (Phần tô vàng thì mình nghĩ nên thay bằng từ khác đi)

*body: On the one hand, the first reason why people get their aims is that they clarify their objectives. Firstly, when starting to do something, they identify their target for that work, and then they can have a plan for themselves through particular steps. A plan includes the resources people can spend, specific timeline and detailed workflow, also the predicted results. By following that, they can operate each process precisely to reach the destination. Secondly, by having the determination, people have opportunities to grow their motivation. For example, they can face with difficulities and troubles over the process, finish the work more quickly than normal.

+ từ clarify không hợp ngữ cảnh, trong trường hợp này mình nên dùng identify/ recognize.

+ example không hay lắm, nếu thay là over the process, they can face with difficulties and troubles over the process, therefore become more patient and resilient to keep following their dreams.

 

On the other hand, effort is another factor contributing to get people’s   (gì đây) objectives. A successful man always concentrate on and attempt totally to the thing they are doing. Without efforts, people will behave worse or partly worse when working, that leads to failure in jobs and bad consequences. After that, people feel disappointed and have a discouraging experience, and they will become hard to satisfy in the next chance.

+ tương tự phần vàng thì thay đi nhé.

In conclusion, Luck plays a part in a person’s aim, but it only accounts for a very small percent. So, people who want to reach their aims should have for themselves a certain strong-mindedness and try their best to deal with everything.

 
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