MỌI NGƯỜI XEM VÀ SỬA GIÚP MÌNH VỚI Ạ. XIN CÁM ƠN TRƯỚC Ạ

Question

Individual greed and selfishness has been the basis of modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. 

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, because life is more modern, people become greedily and selfishly more than in the past. Therefore, it is necessary for each person to have lots of former and traditional values of respect. In my opinion, I think that we should bring the traditional values of respect from our ancestors into modern society.

   Day by day, a wide belief that happiness comes from material possessions and wealth. It makes people ambitious to have huge money to possess bigger houses, or expensive cars. Otherwise, most people are dissatisfied with their life at present. All these factors are contributing to making someone more greedy and selfish. Moreover, this could lead to the increasing rate of armed robberies in the community. For example, in a smash-and-grab robbery at a jewelry store, an armed raider took away  jewelry and then threw it down the road. Most people picked it up and instead of restoring it to owners, they sold it in other stores to get money.

   Due to these reasons, some people advocate the idea of returning to the older and traditional values to ensure the following generation a better future. The traditional values bring a lot of positive effects for individuals such as making us love the people much more, especially their families, or declining the crime rates. For instance, In a heavy storm in the middle of Vietnam last month, people witnessed the help of residents from other regions in this country. They made a donation and food to aid people to weather this storm.

   In conclusion, greed and selfishness are a part of the characteristics in each individual. However, we should not let these traits overwhelm the traditional values of our ancestors.

 

Answer 1

These days, because as life's becoming more and more is more modern, people tend to become more greedily and selfishly greedy and selfish more than in the past. Therefore, it is necessary for each person to have lots of former and traditional values of respect. (câu này không rõ ý) In my opinion, I think (đã có in my opinion thì k có i think) at we should respect and bring back the traditional values of respect from our ancestors into modern society.
(Lưu ý: Bỏ cả đoạn 2. Đề bài là agree or disagree nên ngay đầu đoạn phải nói được là agree hay disagree trước (đề bài đã nói là agree) và phải giải thích được tại sao lại chọn ý kiến đấy. Đoạn 2 của bạn đang không rõ ý và không đánh vào trọng tâm câu hỏi)

(Đáng lẽ nên đẩy đoạn 3 lên trên và để đoạn 2 làm ý support cho đoạn 3)

 

=> Cấu trúc câu và task response của bạn còn hơi yếu, cần phải xem lại nhiều. Do giới hạn từ nên mình không chữa được tiếp, nếu cần chữa chi tiết/tutor writing bạn có thể add zalo mình 08.5929.1207 nhé