The line charts illustrate the percentage of household with electrical appliances -> digital equipment and the number of hours of housework --> the amount of time alloted to handling domestic chores per week --> on a weekly basis between 1920 and 2019. --> tránh lặp từ thì dùng: from 1920 to 2019.
*Mình thấy bạn vẫn chưa nhắc đến cái "changes" mà đề bài đưa ra. Sau đây là một sample introduction:
**** The line charts depicts changes in the percentage of household possession of digital equipment and the amount of time allotted to handling domestic chores on a weekly basis over a century, from 1920 to 2019. ***
In general, after 1920, more families started to purchase and install electrical devices in their own homes. The lager number of electrical products purchased had resulted in a decrease in the number of housework hours. --> Ở đây bạn vẫn chưa tóm gọn được cái xu hướng của cả 2 charts. Việc này sẽ giảm điểm TA của bạn rất nhiều!!! Suggested Sample:
****Overall, purchases of all electrical appliances were on an increase despite slight falls, meanwhile, the opposite was seen in the weekly number of hours of housework.***
In 1920, the percentage of people using all three appliances --> đây đã là câu đầu mở đoạn nhưng bạn vẫn chưa giới thiệu được đó là appliances gì. were --> was relatively low. The figures for washing machine and vacuum cleaner were approximately 30 percent to --> and 40 percent correspondingly / respectively, while refrigerator usage was nearly 0 percent. With the limited number of uses in electrical appliances, the number of hours doing the housework during that period was equivalently high, at about 60 hours per week. --> Cấu trúc này mình nghĩ bạn chỉ nên dùng khi mà ở vế sau "With" là thứ gì đó giúp "something" sau dấu ","; for example: With the development of social networking sites, people can communicate more easily. However, in 1960, there was a sharp rise in the proportion of electrical appliances being purchased --> purchases of electrical equipment / appliances (để cấu trúc như vầy sẽ rất rườm rà khiến người đọc khó theo dõi) in homes --> in households, which led to the decline in the hours spent on household chores to 20 hours weekly. --> bạn vẫn chưa chứng minh được rằng khi mua electrical appliances thì thời gian làm việc giảm; và ở TASK 1 thì điều này là KHÔNG CẦN THIẾT. Cách sử dụng "led to" chứng tỏ bạn đã phải chứng minh rằng : mua electrical devices -> vì lý do gì đó mà giảm thời gian làm việc nhà.
[CẢ ĐOẠN: Sai thông tin đề bài đã cho, vì nó đã tăng rất nhanh từ 1920.]
SUGGESTED SAMPLE:
***In 1920, there is hardly any refrigerator recorded in households. While, the figures for vacuum cleaner and washing machine were relatively high, with 30 and 40 percent correspondingly prior to rising by 20 percent in two decades. During this 20-year period, the percentage of household ownership of refrigerator increased inexorably to the identical level with the remaining appliances, approximately 50. These figures continued to increase substantially despite a small dip of 4 in that of washing machines. From 1980 to 2019, whereas ownership of washing machine was about 70, those of refrigerator and vacuum cleaner topped at 100 simultaneously in the last five years.***
In 2019, the percentage of vacuum cleaner and refrigerator being used reached the maximum, 100 percent. Meanwhile, the washing machine experienced a gradual growth and reached the highest peak of almost 80 percent. This, in turn, cause the dramatic decrease in household working hours to only 10 hours per week. --> Mình không thể nói cái tăng giảm của purchases of appliances caused something nhé, vì mình chưa có reasons để chứng minh.
Suggested Sample:
With respect to the amount of time spent on household chores, the figure peaked in 1920 with 50 percent. From that point to 2019, its figure plummeted sharply to roughly 10 despite a slight rise.
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