Nên tách Introduction và Overview thành 2 đoạn bạn nhé.
Overall, there is a clear correlation between the percentage of... -> chỉ mới đưa ra có sự tương quan giữa việc sở hữu máy tính với dân số và trình độ học vấn,chưa nói đến xu hướng của nó, tăng hay giảm
nên là thêm một câu cho đoạn Overview nữa nhé
The figures for computer owner increased over the period shown, specifically, the percentages of people whose higher education level was greater than the others.
over 8-years period -> over 8-year period hoặc over period of 8 years
In 2002, almost 60% of people owned a computer and after 6 years this percentage reached over 60% -> Vẫn chưa thấy rõ được sự tăng trưởng
->In 2002, the rate of computer ownership rose slightly over the next six years, to approximately 70.
The increase was slow however a consistent growth could be seen. (cần phân tích, đưa số liệu vào vì đây là phần body, tăng thì phải rỏ tăng bao nhiêu) Finally, in 2010, the percentage of people who owned computers reached nearly 80%.
The increase was slow -> there was a slowly/gradually/steadily increase hoặc A slowly increase (of x%) was seen in the proportion of people whose own computer after x years.
... the percentage of computer ownership increases increased (with the education level in which the higher the education level), the more people have computers. -> mơ hồ.
It is obvious that the higher educated people had, the greater the amount of computers that they owned.
6. with no highschool or diploma -> with no high school or diploma
about 15% of people with no highschool or diploma had computers and this number increased to 60% for those with a postgraduate qualification -> about 15% people that did not have diploma had computers which was much lower than that of people who had postgraduate qualification. (hoặc was just under a quater of people who ...)
7. the same trend could be clearly seen -> câu này vẫn chưa rõ lắm vì đây là xu hướng của đối tượng nào?
8. ...people who do not did not have a high school degree or diploma but have had a computer has increased rose significantly to more than 40% and. almost 100% of people who have a ...
People had postgraduate qualification made up the largest proportion, at nearly 100%.