Nowadays, people have little awareness of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons and how can people learn more about the natural world?

Question

It is the case that in the latest decades, the environmental issues have been regarded as a topic of concern all over the world ,especially in the industrial countries.While I hold the belief a desperate shortage of public responsibility for saving the nature springs from numerous underlying causes, I also suppose several effective solutions should be taken into account.

 

To start with,among various causes of disregarding crucial role of natural environment,two dominant ones will be presented . Firstly, it is explained by the ambition of people these days.In particular, in the light of money as well as authorities ,many people such as the rich, businesses and other exchange anything to obtain their own objectives. Obviously ,even if their demands directly have a serious impact on ozone layer or sea level, they will still exploit them until the natural resource has run out of.Secondly,the disrespectful attitude to nature stems for technological development.As a consequence, the policies of metropolises about establishing factories in order to serve for citizens’ need create appropriate conditions for wasting detrimental impurities from these industrial business whereby destroying the balance of natural ecosystem substantially .

 

However,this social phenomenon can be addressed by taking different measure.In term of education,school should organise field trips to national parks as well as ecological park.Specifically ,thank to practical visit,students have chance to enjoy the beauty of nature and are more aware of preserving our natural world.On a governmental level,the officials enact strict laws about destruction of nature,along with organise green campaigns.By this way, people can eliminate the negative thinking that people can deny the role of nature and they ignore all results of climate changes.

 

In conclusion ,belittling conservation nature is a remakable consequence .Both schools and government should join hand to protect our natural world .

Answer 1

There're a lot of errors, especially in determiner use throughout the essay. Let's take a look at the introduction:

It is the case that in the latest decades, the environmental issues have been regarded as a topic of concern all over the world, especially in the industrial countries. 

The phrase "It is the case that" should be eliminated as there's no need to emphasize.

The environmental issues are not referred to and made known in advance. So you should only write "environmental issues" instead of "the environmental issues". It is the same case with "the industrial countries". You haven't mentioned which particular countries, just "industrial countries" is okay. 

You can write: In the latest decades, environmental issues have been regarded as a topic of concern all over the world, especially in industrial countries. 

While I hold the belief a desperate shortage of public responsibility for saving the nature springs from numerous underlying causes, I also suppose several effective solutions should be taken into account.

The colloquialism "hold the belief" is inappropriately used. You can say "I believe" instead.

The determiner the in "the nature" is misuse, only "nature"  is okay, or you can either say "the environment".

More importantly, the sentence structure "While ...., ......" was wrongly used. For example, this structure can be used in such sentences as "While I believe social networking can be rewarding in terms of socializing, too much exposure to social networks can be detrimental". In this example, while was used as a substitute to although. In this sentence structure, the two clauses must contrast each other. 

You can write: I believe a desperate shortage of public responsibility for saving the environment springs from numerous underlying causes. However, this can be dealt with by taking several efficient solutions. 

→ In the latest decades, environmental issues have been regarded as a topic of concern all over the world, especially in industrial countries. I believe a desperate shortage of public responsibility for saving the environment springs from numerous underlying causes. However, this can be dealt with by taking several efficient solutions. 

Comments

I don't think "although" can be a replacement for "while" in every context. Follow the link to see some examples https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/while

 

I read it while you were drying your hair.

 

While I was in Italy I went to see Alessandro.

 

Are there any contrasts between the two actions in these two sentences?

 

Moreover, if you are ready to give feedback in English, make sure that you will make the time to proofread your feedback for grammatical errors or you have a relatively strong command of English grammar.

 

You haven't mentioned which particular countries, just "industrial countries" is okay.

 

This sentence is incomplete since "which", in this case, is used to introduce a relative clause. You might want to say "You haven't mentioned which particular countries are industrial,..." Another solution is to change 'which" into "any".

 

The determiner the in "the nature" is misuse, only "nature"  is okay, or you can either say "the environment".

 

"Either" in this sentence should be "also" and they are not the same. We use "either" instead of "also" only in negative sentences. For example, I don't eat meat and my husband doesn't either. 

 

The phrase "It is the case that" should be eliminated as there's no need to emphasize.

 

"emphasize" is a transitive verb and thus needs an object following. Therefore, it should be "there's no need to emphasize it".

 

Last,

 

"While I hold the belief a desperate shortage of public responsibility for saving the nature springs from numerous underlying causes, I also suppose several effective solutions should be taken into account."

 

From my perspective, I would not try to rewrite this sentence since it can make sense with a little correction as follows:

 

"While I hold the belief that the desperate shortage of public responsibility for saving nature springs from numerous underlying causes, I also suppose that several effective solutions should be taken into account."

 

I said "the desperate shortage" because the part "of public responsibility for saving nature" already made the noun known to me. However, I also agree that "I believe that" is a better way to express the meaning and the sentence should be splitted into two sentences to avoid wordiness.

 

Anyway, thank you for your construction.

---

You can either look it up in the Cambridge dictionary or Oxford dictionary :)) 

---

We can use Either… or… connects two choices as a conjuction. Can you give me an example of a positive sentence  with "either" used as an adverb ???

---

The determiner the in "the nature" is misuse, only "nature"  is okay, or you can either say "the environment".

Is it a wonder to say that "either", in this sentence, is used as an adverb??

---

We use "either" instead of "also" only in negative sentences.

This is what I said, right? This is because "also" functions as a adverb and we can use "either", rather than "also", to convey the same meaning "additionally" but only in negative sentences.

---

Sorry, I missed your point. Forget about the "either thing".

You meant that  "while" and "although" are always the same, right? It seemed that what you showed me reprensents that "while" can be replaced by "although" in a sense.

You said "While ...., ......" was wrongly used because the two clauses must contrast each other. In fact, we can use "while" as "during the time that", and "while" and although" are different in some other senses.

---

Hoping that you'll respond to me soon.