Nowadays, people have little awareness of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons and how can people learn more about the natural world?

Question

It is the case that in the latest decades, the environmental issues have been regarded as a topic of concern all over the world ,especially in the industrial countries.While I hold the belief a desperate shortage of public responsibility for saving the nature springs from numerous underlying causes, I also suppose several effective solutions should be taken into account.

 

To start with,among various causes of disregarding crucial role of natural environment,two dominant ones will be presented . Firstly, it is explained by the ambition of people these days.In particular, in the light of money as well as authorities ,many people such as the rich, businesses and other exchange anything to obtain their own objectives. Obviously ,even if their demands directly have a serious impact on ozone layer or sea level, they will still exploit them until the natural resource has run out of.Secondly,the disrespectful attitude to nature stems for technological development.As a consequence, the policies of metropolises about establishing factories in order to serve for citizens’ need create appropriate conditions for wasting detrimental impurities from these industrial business whereby destroying the balance of natural ecosystem substantially .

 

However,this social phenomenon can be addressed by taking different measure.In term of education,school should organise field trips to national parks as well as ecological park.Specifically ,thank to practical visit,students have chance to enjoy the beauty of nature and are more aware of preserving our natural world.On a governmental level,the officials enact strict laws about destruction of nature,along with organise green campaigns.By this way, people can eliminate the negative thinking that people can deny the role of nature and they ignore all results of climate changes.

 

In conclusion ,belittling conservation nature is a remakable consequence .Both schools and government should join hand to protect our natural world .

Answer 1

There're a lot of errors, especially in determiner use throughout the essay. Let's take a look at the introduction:

It is the case that in the latest decades, the environmental issues have been regarded as a topic of concern all over the world, especially in the industrial countries. 

The phrase "It is the case that" should be eliminated as there's no need to emphasize.

The environmental issues are not referred to and made known in advance. So you should only write "environmental issues" instead of "the environmental issues". It is the same case with "the industrial countries". You haven't mentioned which particular countries, just "industrial countries" is okay. 

You can write: In the latest decades, environmental issues have been regarded as a topic of concern all over the world, especially in industrial countries. 

While I hold the belief a desperate shortage of public responsibility for saving the nature springs from numerous underlying causes, I also suppose several effective solutions should be taken into account.

The colloquialism "hold the belief" is inappropriately used. You can say "I believe" instead.

The determiner the in "the nature" is misuse, only "nature"  is okay, or you can either say "the environment".

More importantly, the sentence structure "While ...., ......" was wrongly used. For example, this structure can be used in such sentences as "While I believe social networking can be rewarding in terms of socializing, too much exposure to social networks can be detrimental". In this example, while was used as a substitute to although. In this sentence structure, the two clauses must contrast each other. 

You can write: I believe a desperate shortage of public responsibility for saving the environment springs from numerous underlying causes. However, this can be dealt with by taking several efficient solutions. 

→ In the latest decades, environmental issues have been regarded as a topic of concern all over the world, especially in industrial countries. I believe a desperate shortage of public responsibility for saving the environment springs from numerous underlying causes. However, this can be dealt with by taking several efficient solutions. 

Comments

We use "either" instead of "also" only in negative sentences.

This is what I said, right? This is because "also" functions as a adverb and we can use "either", rather than "also", to convey the same meaning "additionally" but only in negative sentences.

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Sorry, I missed your point. Forget about the "either thing".

You meant that  "while" and "although" are always the same, right? It seemed that what you showed me reprensents that "while" can be replaced by "although" in a sense.

You said "While ...., ......" was wrongly used because the two clauses must contrast each other. In fact, we can use "while" as "during the time that", and "while" and although" are different in some other senses.

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Hoping that you'll respond to me soon.