The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000.
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The line graph compares and contrast data on the changes the birth rates of China and the USA from 1920 to 2000.

An overview of the line graph reveals that the birth rates of both nations underwent a downward trend during the period surveyed.

There was slight fluctuations above 10%  in the birthrate of American from 1920 to 1935. Then, the US birthrates dropped significantly to hit a trough below 5% in 1945. After that, the figure for the USA grew dramatically to peak at 15% in 1950 but it made a moderate fall to the final figure of approximately 7% in 2000.

Over the same period, the Chinese birthrate fluctuated more exponentially than in the USA. After witnessing a fall significant to exactly 5% from 1940 to 1945, the birthrate of China climbed dramatically to reach a peak of 20% in 1950. Subsequently, there was a rapid decline to above 10% in 1955, dropping to around 2.5 % in 2000.

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The line graph compares and contrast data on the changes the birth rates of China and the USA from 1920 to 2000.

=>The line graph contrasts the data on the birth rates of China and the USA from 1920 to 2000.

OR The line graph compares the changes on birth rates of China and the USA from 1920 to 2000.

Vì theo mình contrast mang nghĩa là tương phản, so sánh và compare cung đại loại vậy nên mình chỉ dùng 1 từ.

Mình cũng rút gọn phần data on the changes the birth để không bị lặp từ, quá dài và hơi lủng củng.

An overview of the line graph reveals that the birth rates of both nations underwent a downward trend during the period surveyed.

There was slight fluctuations above 10%  in the birthrate of American from 1920 to 1935. Then, the US birthrates dropped significantly to hit a trough below 5% in 1945. After that, the figure for => of the USA grew dramatically to peak at 15% in 1950 but it made a moderate fall to the final figure of approximately 7% in 2000.

 

Over the same period, the Chinese birthrate fluctuated more exponentially than in the USA. After witnessing a fall significant => significant fall / fall significantly to exactly 5% from 1940 to 1945, the birthrate (percentage, proportion, ratio) of China climbed dramatically to reach a peak of 20% in 1950. Subsequently, there was a rapid decline to above 10% in 1955, dropping to around (roughly, about) 2.5 % in 2000.

 

Chúc bạn đạt được kết quả mình mong muốn!!! 

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Mình nghĩ bạn nên chia 2 body theo năm để có thể so sánh số liệu của cả 2 nước. Chứ 1 nước ở mỗi đoạn thì hắn xuông quá, đọc kĩ đề thì nó sẽ có nói compare the figures ở những cần thiết, vì vậy mình nghĩ nên chia 1 nửa thời gian đầu : sẽ là sự fluctuation rồi hit the peak, một nửa sau thì sẽ là decline và trong đó thì ai giảm nhiều hơn chẳng hạn để có sự so sánh. Về từ ngữ thì bạn dùng khá ổn. Phần overview mình nghĩ bạn cần 2 câu thì nó sẽ thuyết phục hơn, mình sẽ nói cả 2 nước đều fluctuate ở những năm đầu rồi decline ( hoặc là xu hướng chung là decline cũng được), câu 2 thì có thể nói : nước nào giảm sâu hơn.
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