bài ielts writing 7

Question

It is thought by some people that to prevent people from accessing sex or violent sites, certain sites on the Internet should be restricted. In my opinion, I totally agree with this argument for two main reasons.

          The most important reason why restricted sex or violent sites is that helps people avoid watching unsuitable programs. Because of bad sites have negative health effects. One of those harmful effects is brain atrophy. In people who regularly watch sex, brain activity is reduced. Thereby reducing the ability to process information from the brain. For example, when watching too many sex without being satisfied, it can easily lead to the mind thinking that it only wants to watch it. The more watch, the more gray matter will decrease and the size of brain will shrink. In addition, dementia among young people is increasing nowadays.

          The second reason is that the audience that these websites are aimed at is young people. Teenagers often easily study adult movies out of curiosity. These websites can make them mimic and act like the content in the movie. These pages have greatly affected the mind, physiology, and are among the main characters who influence may follow the unhealthy and loose lifestyle of a part of young people. For example, when you don’t know about sex knowledge but have sex, girls can get pregnant unexpectedly.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that in order to prevent people from accessing these pages, they should be restricted.

Answer 1

It is thought by some people that -->  Many people believe that to prevent people from accessing sex or violent sites, certain sites on the Internet should be restricted. In my opinion, I totally agree with this argument for two main reasons.

          The most important reason why restricted sex or violent sites is that helps people avoid watching unsuitable programs. Because of (sau because of là cụm dạnh từ) bad sites have negative health effects. One of those harmful effects is brain atrophy. In people who regularly watch sex, brain activity is reduced. Thereby reducing the ability to process information from the brain. For example, when watching too many sex images or videos without being satisfied, it can easily lead to the mind thinking that it only wants to watch it. The more watch, the more gray matter will decrease and the size of brain will shrink. In addition, dementia among young people is increasing nowadays.

          The second reason is that the audience that these websites are aimed at is young people. Teenagers often easily study adult movies out of curiosity. These websites can make them mimic and act like the content in the movie. --> It is obvious that erotic websites usually aimed at young people who easily fall in adult movies due to their curiosity. These pages have greatly affected the mind, physiology, --> physical and mental health of teenagers. and are among the main characters who influence may follow the unhealthy and loose lifestyle of a part of young people. -->  As a result, the young who may follow unhealthy and corruptible lifestyles gain unexpected consequences.  For example, when you don’t know about sex knowledge but have sex, girls can get pregnant unexpectedly.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that in order to prevent people from accessing these pages, they should be restricted.