Bài IELTS Task 2 19/7 - Home working of Office working

Question

Topic: Recently, some office workers have begun to work from home instead of commuting to an office each day, and this idea is growing in popularity.

What, in your opinion, are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend of working from home?

Practice:

In recent years, telecommuting that become a tend in many countries. This has allowed workers to work at home without having to travel to their place of work. And in my opinion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantage to individuals and society.

Because of home working, people can work freely without any pressure at their home environment. Moreover, when not to have any office constraining the creativity will be created in a best way. This provides much added inspiration and relaxation for people who works at home. For instance, the jobs relative to art so passion is necessary. On the other hand, they could avoid rush-hour traffic result that is not to commute daily to the office, even traffic accident as well as natural resources overusing can be reduced.

Notwithstanding, the ones who work at home have less contact with their colleagues. They do not have oppotunity to make good relationships, so there are few condition to promote in working. And if not consistent, they will gain some distractions may clutter people when they are concertrating on their job. For example, it is easy to switch on televison, online Facebook or any items else. Workers works at home for along time, they can be become a pasive person, having less social knowledge and lack of dynamic.

In conclusion, there are convincing argument both for against some officers can work at home instead of commuting to the company everyday. But I believe that the advantages of this idea is increasing in popularity will be better compare with possible disadvantages.

(257 words)

Answer 1

some phrase hình như bạn dùng chưa đúng . Mình không giỏi ngữ pháp lắm nên chỉ sửa từ thôi nhé :)

 telecommuting that become a tend in many countries  ( đổi lại là a trend ), có thể thay 2 câu đầu lại như sau để câu dài ra 

In recent years, there is a liner trend in telecommuting jobs in many developed countries that allow workers to ultize their home enviroment as work space

Câu thứ 3 phần mở bài : không nên dùng and bắt đầu câu vì như vậy là informall, ielts là academic writing nên tránh dùng and, but, nor, so , yet, then, because vv... đầu câu

Because of home working, people can work freely without any pressure at their home environment. 

home working - homeworking jobs, home working không đứng được 1 mình 

Sau because phải là main clause , tốt nhất không nên dùng because ở đầu câu. Có thể sửa lại là The main benefit of home working jobs is the flexibility of work enviroment that otherwise would be limited by certain office etiquettes 

 

 

 

Comments

cám ơn bạn nha, lần đầu mình viết nên mắc nhiều lỗi :)). cám ơn bạn rất nhiều