task 2 :Some people think that outdoor activities bring beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Question

Some people assert that outdoor activities are more advantageous to a child’s growth than playing console games . From my point of view , I agree with this statement for a range of reasons .

There are many justifications why playing games take a toll on the children. The foremost rationale is that the children may squander their time and get acquaint with the sedentary lifestyle.Furthermore, if they play the console game without the administration of their parents , they may have an inclination to be addicted in the game .In addition, playing games is also the foundation for harboring the bad behavior such as swearing and bullying their friends, which may affect their physical and mental health and neglect their study.

Despite the above mentioned disadvantages, in my opinion, outdoor activities facilitates the upbringing of nay children both physically and mentally . Taking part in the game like hike-and-seek and joining in picnic paves the way for the children to hone their interpersonal skills and widen their circle friendship. Moreover, the children will get more motivation to research the knowledge which is related to their lessons such as Math, Literature, and English…To be more specific, the children may have an opportunity to comprehend the lessons in their school effectively and discover their prospect of the subjects that they are  interested in .

In conclusion, I believe that the children should partake in outdoor activities rather than  playing computer games for the sake of developing their practical skills and well-being.

Answer 1

Mình thấy bài viết của bạn khá ổn. Về cả Task response và Coherence & cohesion. Từ vựng đa dạng, paraphrase cũng ok
Tuy nhiên thì mình nghĩ không nên dùng " take a toll" trong writing nhưng bạn dùng ít nên mình nghĩ cũng fine
Theo mình bài này đc band 7