People have many different views about hosting an international sports events in the country. In my opinion, they have good and bad affect to the country. => Bạn nên paraphase câu giới thiệu, ví dụ như: "In modern world, where globalization becomes poplular, hosting an international sports event is an important issue that need to be discussed carefully. Some people claim that....... However, i think that......"
Hosting an international sports is good for the country because it can promote the country in the world. When hosting any kinds of international sports, there will be a number of foreigners come to the country. It is a good chance for the country to promote things which are best of the country. Also, the country can get an enormous money from foreigners. They can come from selling foods, souvenirs, clothes, etc. => không nên dùng etc hay .... trong writing, nên "food, souvernirs and clothes". Ngoài ra, không nên lặp lại một từ nhiều lần, nên dùng những từ thay thế như tourist, nation, the economic....
On the other hand, hosting an international sports is not good for the country at all. Many people will go the stadium, sports center to see athletes play so there will be so many trash and garbages. Also, some aggressive people who don't (should be "do not") accept the result can may fight with each other. This makes an unbeautiful picture to the country who host the event. Furthermore, hosting an international event can cost a lot of money. If the country is not rich and can't get the money back from people, it will be a disaster for the country. Moreover, if the event is specially important and the country fails at organizing it, it is hard to take permission to celebrate it again.
In conclusion, hosting an international sports is both good and bad. But => However, in my opinion, the goods in more than the bad and if the country is carefully prepare for the event.
- Task achievement của bạn tốt, phân chia bố cục 4 pagraphs hợp lý. Ý tưởng tốt
- Coherence & Cohesion: bạn nên nghiên cứu thêm linking words để nối câu trôi chảy hơn, tránh dùng những từ như but, and ở đầu câu.
- Lexical resource: bạn có thể tìm hiểu thêm những từ đồng nghĩa như mình nêu trên để tăng điểm vocabulary.
- Grammatical range: bạn cố gắng viết những câu ngắn gọn, đơn giản, đủ nghĩa. Trong bài chỉ cần 1-2 chỗ dùng gramma khó như mệnh đề If là perfect rồi.