It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?
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There was a phenomenon that many people run their own business instead of working for an organisation. Although establishing a company is a great chance for raising their budget and gaining some significant life experiences, they will also face several barriers in their career. While this development may bring about some benefits, I would argue they are eclipsed by the drawbacks.

When owning a company, some problems can be anticipated. The fundamental challenge is that it needs a variation of requirements such as financial investment and qualified employees. Instituting a company forces you to work most of your time even at the weekend to continually manage your work and for that you will not be free to care for your family. That is not to mention if it is not a successful business, managing an organisation brings many risks. The larger of the scale means the responsibility it will be, if your company is a failure that will be an inevitable situation to face with. For instance, a few years ago, my father became self-employed, but the result was not so good, and my mother had to deal with money issues and mentality. 

Despite the drawbacks mentioned above, I believe that working for yourself is a positive measure. The feeling of power and comfort is the reason why there is a trend. You will have an ability to control your staff and everything you said is just unquestionable though it was not right. In addition, it is undoubted that your budget will rise quicklier. It is a naked fact that most bosses of the company have the highest pay compared to others. Many people claim that working as a chef is less stressful and more flexible because of its power.

In conclusion, starting an own business has become a common situation. While becoming a chief may have some beneficial aspects, I believe they are outweighed by the more significant negative aspects.

 
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There was a phenomenon that many people CHOOSE TO START UP THEIR OWN BUSINESSES instead of working for an organisation. Although establishing a company is a great chance OF raising their INCOME and gaining some significant life experiences, they will also face several TROUBLES in their career. While this development may BRING some benefits, I would argue they are eclipsed by the drawbacks.

When owning a company, some problems SHOULD be anticipated. The fundamental challenge is that it needs a VARIETY of requirements such as financial investment and qualified employees. Instituting a company forces you to work most of your time even at the weekend to continually manage your work and for that you will not be free to care for your family. That is not to mention if it is not a successful business, managing an organisation CAN BRING many risks. The larger the scale IS, the MORE MAJOR responsibility it will be. If your company is a failure, that will be an inevitable situation to face with. For instance, a few years ago, my father became self-employed, but the result was not so good, and my mother had to deal with money issues and mentality.
Despite the drawbacks mentioned above, I believe that SELF-EMPLOYMENT is a positive measure. The feeling of power and comfort is the MAIN reason why there is a trend. You will have an ability to control your staff and everything you SAY is just unquestionable though it was not right. In addition, it is undoubted that your INCOME will rise MORE QUICKLY. It is a naked fact that most bosses of COMPANY have the highest  pay compared to others. (Many people claim that working as a chef is less stressful and more flexible because of its power.)-> mình nghĩ bạn nên lấy ví dụ gần với việc run business nha.

In conclusion, starting YOUR own business has become a common situation. While (becoming a chief) may have some beneficial aspects, I believe they are outweighed by the significant negative aspects.

*Phần in hoa là phần mình sửa nha.
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There was a phenomenon that It is true that these days many people are likely to run their own businesses instead of willinging working for an organisation. Although establishing a company is a great chance for raising their budget and gaining some significant life experiences, they will also face several barriers in their career. While this development may bring about some benefits, I would argue that they are eclipsed by the there are also some drawbacks.

- Nên bỏ hoàn toàn câu hai. Khi bạn đã nêu ra hiện tượng ở câu đầu thì câu tuyên bố chỉ cần đề cập AdvantagesDisadvantages cùng lúc là được. Tiết kiệm từ vựng cho hai câu Topic Sentence bên dưới.

- Với dạng bài này, cần nói rõ cái gì hơn cái gì. I believe that the benefits do outweigh the drawbacks.

E cám ơn mọi người đã góp ý ạ.
Mình ít dùng máy tính lắm với cả điện thoại không có chức năng đó nữa
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