One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages ?

Question

Recently, an increasing people have longer life expectancy. Personally, I think this development has more drawbacks than benefits.

An obvious merit of living longer is that the old can enjoy their life. In the retirement period, they not only have a large amount of spare time but also receive pensions. They can spend time playing with family members or taking part in a wide range of leisure activity parties such as  Bird watching, fishing and board games. With pensions, they are able to purchase that they desire to have when they were young. The access to complimentary medical care is another benefit. It is true that the over-60-year-old, who cannot tend themselves, are extremely vulnerable to diseases. Therefore, the medical treatments of the old is included in social welfare,in other words, people in society have to take care of the old.

However, these upsides, in the long-term, can cause various disadvantages

The first negative impact of the increasing life expectancy is that societies will suffer shorthanded proplems. Although the population are exploding during decades, the shortage of suitable employees becomes worry trend. It is the fact that the old cannot work in the factories which require young workers. Besides, social welfare become burden on workforce’ shoulders since most of the taxes is levied on labor. Let’s take japan, which is one of the eldest population countries in the world, as an example. The japan government enacts policies to stimulate labour import due to the lack of employees.

In conclusion, longer life expectiancy has more disadvantages than advantages. I believe that in the future, human being will live enough to work and enjoy the well-being

Answer 1

Bài viết ý tưởng với lập luận cho quan điểm không đồng ý của bạn chưa được tốt lắm. Mình có góp vài điểm bạn xem qua nhé.

Recently, an increasing people have longer life expectancy. Personally, I think this development has more drawbacks than benefits. (từ in đậm đều không phù hợp về mặt nghĩa trong câu).

An obvious merit of living longer is that the old elders can enjoy their life. In the retirement period, they not only donot have a large amount of spare time but also receive pensions. They can spend time playing with family members or taking part in a wide range of leisure activity parties such as  Bird watching, fishing and board games. With pensions, they are able to purchase that they desire to have when they were young. The access to complimentary complementary medical care is another benefit. It is true that the over-60-year-old, who cannot tend themselves, are extremely vulnerable to diseases. Therefore, the medical treatments of the old is included in social welfare,in other words, people in society have to take care of the old.

However, these upsides, in the long-term, can cause various disadvantages

The first negative impact of the increasing life expectancy is that societies will suffer shorthanded proplems=> problems Although the population are exploding during decades, the shortage of suitable employees becomes worry trend. It is the fact that the old elders cannot work in the factories which require young workers. Besides, social welfare become burden on workforce’ shoulders since most of the taxes is levied on labor. Let’s take japan=> Japan, which is one of the eldest population countries in the world, as an example. The japan government enacts policies to stimulate labour import due to the lack of employees

In conclusion, longer life expectiancy has more disadvantages than advantages. I believe that in the future, human being will live enough to work and enjoy the well-being

Comments

cảm ơn bạn đã góp ý cho mình nha. hic hic chữ in đậm nhiều vại luôn hả huhu. bạn ơi làm sao để làm cho câu nó phù hợp với nhau hơn vại

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À bạn viết câu ngắn thôi, thì sẽ kiểm soát được phần lỗi grammar, mình thì viết theo cách là phân tích có giàn ý trước, rồi sau đó bắt đầu viết bài hoàn chỉnh. Bạn tập viết lâu chưa ?

Answer 2

"purchase that they desire to have". Vì chưa được nói đến ở những câu trước nên mình nghĩ là không nên dùng "that" để thay thế cho items, goods, products,etc. những cái mà bạn muốn nói ở câu này. Nếu có thể dùng "that" theo cách như vậy thì nhờ bạn chỉ giáo nhe.

P/s: band của mình ko cao nên có thể ko biết những cấu trúc ngữ pháp hay cụm từ nâng cao, vẫn phải học hỏi thêm ạ.

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